It has come to my attention that there is an overwhelming amount of anti-emo matterial on my Blog, and I just want to say that I in no way hate emo kids. This is all in fun, I do not mean to cause insult to already unstable young minds that will one day be employed by me, to clean my pool. This is all just for fun ... although emo kids have no grasp of fun ... only joking children. I'm sure self-harming is a blast (well it would be if a shotgun was incorporated).
Damn! The purpose of this Blog was not to make fun of emo kids, but to attack some of my idols; rappers!
Fuck stupid fuckers! Fuck them like you're a G-Unit groupie!
What I hate, and I can't stress this enough; What I HATE about rappers is they're so idiotic. Let me break it down for you.
Two main subjects that rappers talk about are their love for committing crimes and their hate for police, which go hand in hand. But when the latest chart topping rapper (and I use the term rapper losely here) is stopped by the police they cause a massive fuss. Is it racism? Are these white cops jealous of a black man making some money? No. If you always talk about the crimes you commit, that is an INVITE for police to pull you over. Twat! Think about it, if someone was walking around town telling anyone who would listen that he sold crack, the the police turn up at their door wanting to search his home, would you really be surprised? No, you wouldn't. 99% of rappers smoke weed (that's just an educated guess), so when they are pulled over by the police almost everytime weed is found. This is policing 101! Basic stuff. If you're a cop and you see Snoop Dogg drive passed, pull him over, get his weed, head back to the station and brag about how you pulled over and arrested a millionaire. Simple.
What I also HATE is the fact that rappers brag about selling crack. Selling crack in no way shape or form is cool. Selling crack is about as cool as smoking crack ... and I know no cool crackheads. A typical rapper often glorfies selling crack but then complains that crackheads live in his 'hood', I wounder why, you fucking fool, put two and two together.
I also hate that; "I had to sell crack, I'm not proud of it, I had to do it to feed my kid". Look, there's plenty of stuff I've done that I'm not proud of, like shagging some ugly girls, but I don't tell everyone over and over again. Why? Because I'm embarrassed by it, so I keep it to myself (apart from now, but I needed an example).
Then comes the classic arguement; "It's art!" Bullshit! Yeah, it's art when you come under fire from the media or whoever, but when another rapper questions you're credibility all of that talk of it being 'Art' goes out the window; "I'll fuck you up, I'm gangsta!!" Blah, blah, fucking blah!
This is nothing artistic about bragging about distrobution of drugs that ruin communtities and lives, sorry. It's about as artistic as Joseph Fritzl imprisoning and raping his daughter.
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Friday, 11 July 2008
What's Been Happening This Week (7th - 13th July)
- Iran has test fired Missiles!!! Ahhhhh! Don't worry people, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is only targetting American-funded-Occupationists Israel and US Military bases in the Gulf. Seems strange to me that Bush hasn't sent the troops in yet. American politians Condoleezza Rice and John McCain (the next non-black president) are both chatting about "America's missile shield". This isn't Bush's America... Why aren't they sending troops in already. Anyway, what is the point of having a missile shield for America, the missiles cannot reach America, I'm not going to buy and wear a bullet-proof vest because someone on the other side of the Earth is trying to kill me. Even if this person, that wants me dead, is randomly firing bullets to the sky, hoping they'll travel half the way around the world and hit me, going to scare me into buying a bullet-proof vest? No, it's bloody not. It's my guess that Halliburton are branching out into making missile shields.
- Some British slag is facing jail in Dubai becuase she was pissed up and shagging some bloke on the beach. When arrested (it is claimed) she also attacked the officer. This is more anti-Muslim propaganda, to shock the British public, but I'm sorry, if you're in another country and you break their laws you should pay the costs. Personally, it's about time dirty slags start getting time in jail. Fuck them dirty hoes ... metaphorically of course, you don't want some STI.
- Amy Crackhouse update! Another week, another few stories on Amy Crackhouse. Amy Crackhouse is now adicted too ... Sunbeds!! If the drugs and alcohol don't kill you, the sunbeds will! Also her husband Blake Thingy-Ma-Bob was pictured smoking smack in jail. The first questions are "How does he find drugs in jail?", but I'm wondering why didn't he notice the other person in the cell with him, why didn't he notice his cellmate had a camera-phone, how did his cellmate get a camera-phone, how did his cellmate get the photo to the tabloids?????
- Man United's star player Ronaldo wants to move clubs. Now this story has been going on for a while. Ron wants to go to Real Madrid, Fergie wants him to stay. Oh, the drama! At one point Sir Alex said he'd keep Ronaldo on the bench until he learned to respect the club. Good move Fergie, stop him from playing, but keep paying him a bucket load of cash, that's an own goal (check the football reference). If he wants to go, let him go. You have plenty of other decent players. Seems like Fergie's scared of Big Phil and the massive budget he has. If Ronaldo leave United, put your good earned money on Chelsea for the champs next season.
- Some British slag is facing jail in Dubai becuase she was pissed up and shagging some bloke on the beach. When arrested (it is claimed) she also attacked the officer. This is more anti-Muslim propaganda, to shock the British public, but I'm sorry, if you're in another country and you break their laws you should pay the costs. Personally, it's about time dirty slags start getting time in jail. Fuck them dirty hoes ... metaphorically of course, you don't want some STI.
- Amy Crackhouse update! Another week, another few stories on Amy Crackhouse. Amy Crackhouse is now adicted too ... Sunbeds!! If the drugs and alcohol don't kill you, the sunbeds will! Also her husband Blake Thingy-Ma-Bob was pictured smoking smack in jail. The first questions are "How does he find drugs in jail?", but I'm wondering why didn't he notice the other person in the cell with him, why didn't he notice his cellmate had a camera-phone, how did his cellmate get a camera-phone, how did his cellmate get the photo to the tabloids?????
- Man United's star player Ronaldo wants to move clubs. Now this story has been going on for a while. Ron wants to go to Real Madrid, Fergie wants him to stay. Oh, the drama! At one point Sir Alex said he'd keep Ronaldo on the bench until he learned to respect the club. Good move Fergie, stop him from playing, but keep paying him a bucket load of cash, that's an own goal (check the football reference). If he wants to go, let him go. You have plenty of other decent players. Seems like Fergie's scared of Big Phil and the massive budget he has. If Ronaldo leave United, put your good earned money on Chelsea for the champs next season.
Sunday, 6 July 2008
What's Been Happening This Week (30th June - 6th July)
Welcome to my new thing I'm adding to my Blog. I'm currently getting struck with writers block, my doctors told me I'll be fine eventually, but writers block has been going around for the last month or so. Anyway, here is "What's Been Happening This Week", a write up by none other than Ben Broughton. You'll never need to buy a newspaper again, because I'll look through them then give you all the information you need, so here's what's been happening ...
- Well on TV we've had the Tennis and Big Brother, so that's two channels that I haven't been watching, maybe next year all the Tennis stars can live in the Big Brother house and play tennis, but it doesn't matter who wins, becuase the viewer (no typo there, I mean one viewer) will vote out which tennis stars he/she doesn't like. This is likely to give the British an edge.
- Amy Winehouse is back in the news... by "back in the news", I really mean "still in the news". But now why? Becuase her smackhead boyfriend/husband/person she shoots up with has been writing letters from prison. We all now know that the tabloids HAVE to write a story on Amy Crackhouse every-single-day, let's face it, Joe Public knows more about her life than she does. Of couse it's all a countdown until she overdoses, but that could take sometime. But luckily, she lives in London, so she'll probably get killed in a random stabbing in the next few weeks.
- Police have given up looking for Madeleine MacCann, but her parents are more bothered that they will remain suspects forever (coughguiltyconsciencecough). Maybe they should be more bothered about the police giving up hope. I mean, anyone with half a brain knows it's likely this girls been dead for a long time, probably afew days after she was 'kidnapped', if she was infact kidnapped. The quote from The Sun read; "The couple - currently on holiday without Maddie - vowed they would NEVER give up the hunt for their missing daughter, even if the cops do." They will never, give up, but they'll take a fucking holiday from hunting, only 14 months after their daughter goes missing. If I had a child 'kidnapped' while on holiday I think that would put me off going on holiday for a long time, if not ever again. And I'm quite sure Mr McCann was asking the public months back to help find Maddie. Hold on mate, I have bills and shit to pay. Yeah, you've killed ... I mean you've lost your daughter and you want me to put money in my pocket for you. I feel bad for you, I really do. But I'm not here to pay for you're fucking holiday!
- Petrol prices are getting higher than Amy Crackhouse (see me for the sickest similies ever!). And the newspapers are claiming food prices are also spiraling up, but everytime I walk into Morrisons, ASDA or an other supermarket all I see is "Half Price!", "Buy you get one Free", "Buy two get one Free", "Just put this in your pocket and walk out", so don't fall victim to the bullshit. Yes petrol costs more, food doesn't. You're family is not going to starve because you can't afford food. You might have to catch the bus to get your shopping, but you'll still be able to get the same amount of food for the same price, don't get emo and hang yourself in your garage.
- Prince William 'helped' bust some coke dealers with the Navy in Barbados. There's more to this story in my opinion. Wills was probably in Barbados partying, and happened to get involved by accident. The coke was probably heading to Barbados for Wills mate Tom Parker Bowles anyway.
- More celeb news. Madonna and Guy Ritchie were going to get a divorce at the start of the week, but by the end they weren't. Wow, exciting stuff. Here's my marrage advice; Madonna spend less time making shitty songs and more time washing the dishes! Guy hasn't made a decent film for time and she hasn't made decent music for longer ... maybe a divorce is a good idea, I liked Lock Stock ... and Snatch.
- Well on TV we've had the Tennis and Big Brother, so that's two channels that I haven't been watching, maybe next year all the Tennis stars can live in the Big Brother house and play tennis, but it doesn't matter who wins, becuase the viewer (no typo there, I mean one viewer) will vote out which tennis stars he/she doesn't like. This is likely to give the British an edge.
- Amy Winehouse is back in the news... by "back in the news", I really mean "still in the news". But now why? Becuase her smackhead boyfriend/husband/person she shoots up with has been writing letters from prison. We all now know that the tabloids HAVE to write a story on Amy Crackhouse every-single-day, let's face it, Joe Public knows more about her life than she does. Of couse it's all a countdown until she overdoses, but that could take sometime. But luckily, she lives in London, so she'll probably get killed in a random stabbing in the next few weeks.
- Police have given up looking for Madeleine MacCann, but her parents are more bothered that they will remain suspects forever (coughguiltyconsciencecough). Maybe they should be more bothered about the police giving up hope. I mean, anyone with half a brain knows it's likely this girls been dead for a long time, probably afew days after she was 'kidnapped', if she was infact kidnapped. The quote from The Sun read; "The couple - currently on holiday without Maddie - vowed they would NEVER give up the hunt for their missing daughter, even if the cops do." They will never, give up, but they'll take a fucking holiday from hunting, only 14 months after their daughter goes missing. If I had a child 'kidnapped' while on holiday I think that would put me off going on holiday for a long time, if not ever again. And I'm quite sure Mr McCann was asking the public months back to help find Maddie. Hold on mate, I have bills and shit to pay. Yeah, you've killed ... I mean you've lost your daughter and you want me to put money in my pocket for you. I feel bad for you, I really do. But I'm not here to pay for you're fucking holiday!
- Petrol prices are getting higher than Amy Crackhouse (see me for the sickest similies ever!). And the newspapers are claiming food prices are also spiraling up, but everytime I walk into Morrisons, ASDA or an other supermarket all I see is "Half Price!", "Buy you get one Free", "Buy two get one Free", "Just put this in your pocket and walk out", so don't fall victim to the bullshit. Yes petrol costs more, food doesn't. You're family is not going to starve because you can't afford food. You might have to catch the bus to get your shopping, but you'll still be able to get the same amount of food for the same price, don't get emo and hang yourself in your garage.
- Prince William 'helped' bust some coke dealers with the Navy in Barbados. There's more to this story in my opinion. Wills was probably in Barbados partying, and happened to get involved by accident. The coke was probably heading to Barbados for Wills mate Tom Parker Bowles anyway.
- More celeb news. Madonna and Guy Ritchie were going to get a divorce at the start of the week, but by the end they weren't. Wow, exciting stuff. Here's my marrage advice; Madonna spend less time making shitty songs and more time washing the dishes! Guy hasn't made a decent film for time and she hasn't made decent music for longer ... maybe a divorce is a good idea, I liked Lock Stock ... and Snatch.
Ban Emo Music, Save Lives!
Over the years my favourite genre of music has constantly been attacked for being too violent and causing Urban kids to commit acts of crime on each other, such as shootings or stabbings. And despite logical reponses to these claims it happens again and again. So in the fight to stop the Media and Politians using Hip Hop as a scapegoat for problems which happen because of many other factors, poverty being the main one in my opinion, the state of our society being another, I have decided to launch an attack on another genre of music. The best defence is a strong offence, is my reasoning. So here I go ...
Ban emo music! Ban that shit!
If a black youth stabs another black youth, it's Hip Hop's fault! Why? Because the stabber probably listened to Hip Hop. If some whiney emo kid kills himself. Who gets the blame? In most cases I find that it's the fault of the people that bully them, most of the time, these bullies are leaving hateful messages on Bebo or MySpace. If only there was some way to BLOCK these bullies!
This is the biggest loads of bullshit ever!
Almost everyone, at some in their school life gets bullied. I did. Most of the time you find it's the easy targets; the fat kids, the ginger kids and the fat ginger kids. But lets face it, the rich get bullied because they're rich, the poor get bullied becuase they're poor. It's never ending. Emo kids get bullied mainly because of the way they dress. All black, dark make up, they're fucking setting themselves up to get bullied, they may aswell wear a sandwich board with "Please make fun of me" written on it. If I was a bully and I saw some boy wearing make up, of course I'm going to pick on him.
I in no way support bullies. As I've said before, I was bullied as a kid. What happened, a bigger kid started to bully my bully! Problem solved.
But I'm kinda moving away from the point I'm trying to make. These emo kids get over-emotional over the littlest things, and I'm sorry, if you can't cope now, you'll never be ready for the real world, as the saying goes, it's survival of the fittest.
So get rid of this emo music so these emo kids stop killing themselves. At least (if you go with what the Media/Politicians say) if a Hip Hop fan gets picked on he'll kill the bully, which means one less bully in the world. Give that motherfucker a medal!
Plus I'm also sick of the sight of emo kids gathered in the middle of Derby. A few years ago, in my hometown of Sutton-in-TrAshfield, it was Chav's that gathered in town, but they'd at least be drinking and smoking, and looked they were enjoying themselves, even if they did throw verbal abuse it me on most occasions. But these emos in town just seem dull and bored. For fuck sake, buy a CD with some decent music and cheer yourself up!
So ban emo music, and do everyone a fucking favour!
Hip Hop 4 Life, Beeeeeeeeeeeeyatchs!!
Ban emo music! Ban that shit!
If a black youth stabs another black youth, it's Hip Hop's fault! Why? Because the stabber probably listened to Hip Hop. If some whiney emo kid kills himself. Who gets the blame? In most cases I find that it's the fault of the people that bully them, most of the time, these bullies are leaving hateful messages on Bebo or MySpace. If only there was some way to BLOCK these bullies!
This is the biggest loads of bullshit ever!
Almost everyone, at some in their school life gets bullied. I did. Most of the time you find it's the easy targets; the fat kids, the ginger kids and the fat ginger kids. But lets face it, the rich get bullied because they're rich, the poor get bullied becuase they're poor. It's never ending. Emo kids get bullied mainly because of the way they dress. All black, dark make up, they're fucking setting themselves up to get bullied, they may aswell wear a sandwich board with "Please make fun of me" written on it. If I was a bully and I saw some boy wearing make up, of course I'm going to pick on him.
I in no way support bullies. As I've said before, I was bullied as a kid. What happened, a bigger kid started to bully my bully! Problem solved.
But I'm kinda moving away from the point I'm trying to make. These emo kids get over-emotional over the littlest things, and I'm sorry, if you can't cope now, you'll never be ready for the real world, as the saying goes, it's survival of the fittest.
So get rid of this emo music so these emo kids stop killing themselves. At least (if you go with what the Media/Politicians say) if a Hip Hop fan gets picked on he'll kill the bully, which means one less bully in the world. Give that motherfucker a medal!
Plus I'm also sick of the sight of emo kids gathered in the middle of Derby. A few years ago, in my hometown of Sutton-in-TrAshfield, it was Chav's that gathered in town, but they'd at least be drinking and smoking, and looked they were enjoying themselves, even if they did throw verbal abuse it me on most occasions. But these emos in town just seem dull and bored. For fuck sake, buy a CD with some decent music and cheer yourself up!
So ban emo music, and do everyone a fucking favour!
Hip Hop 4 Life, Beeeeeeeeeeeeyatchs!!
Tuesday, 24 June 2008
What has Frenchie taught me?
I can remember what I was like before I met Adam French. I was a A-grade, choir boy with my career heading towards politics, I was in The Times' most likely to be Prime Minister list in the next 25 years. Adam French cahnged all that for me, he chewed me up and spat me out as a skinny crackhead, heading for a early death due to an overdose or in Prison, as someone bitch!! Thanks Frenchie.
What Frenchie taught me:
- Having gay sex, DOES NOT mean you are a gay/homo/faggot. Straight people can have gay sex too.
- No drugs is really illegal, they're just not taxed, which is why the Government does not allow the use of them.
- You are allowed to have sex with under-age girls if you are drunk. But it is done on a mesaurement, for every pint you have the girl can get one year younger, for example, if I drink two pints I'm allowed to sleep with a girl aged 14. If I drink six pints, I'm allowed to sleep with a girl aged 10, not that I ever would, I get brewers droop after five pints!
- If your last name is a nationality that does not mean you are that nationality, for example Adam French is not French, he's German - I think.
- Avoid soberness at all costs, Adam French likes to brag that he has only got high once. The thing is; he got high for the first time six years ago, but he has yet to come down. His first time getting high was a six year drug binge inwhich he took whatever he could.
- Avoid washing. This is time wasted, you could be taking drugs or having gay sex instead of washing. As Frenchie said himself; "We live in er.... England, man. Like ... and like it rains like most Mondays and sometimes on Wednesday too, man. So just wait for the rain and get rained on, and that'll keep you clean". Wise words indeed.
Frenchie may have taught me alot more, but I've probably just forgot his wise ways.
What Frenchie taught me:
- Having gay sex, DOES NOT mean you are a gay/homo/faggot. Straight people can have gay sex too.
- No drugs is really illegal, they're just not taxed, which is why the Government does not allow the use of them.
- You are allowed to have sex with under-age girls if you are drunk. But it is done on a mesaurement, for every pint you have the girl can get one year younger, for example, if I drink two pints I'm allowed to sleep with a girl aged 14. If I drink six pints, I'm allowed to sleep with a girl aged 10, not that I ever would, I get brewers droop after five pints!
- If your last name is a nationality that does not mean you are that nationality, for example Adam French is not French, he's German - I think.
- Avoid soberness at all costs, Adam French likes to brag that he has only got high once. The thing is; he got high for the first time six years ago, but he has yet to come down. His first time getting high was a six year drug binge inwhich he took whatever he could.
- Avoid washing. This is time wasted, you could be taking drugs or having gay sex instead of washing. As Frenchie said himself; "We live in er.... England, man. Like ... and like it rains like most Mondays and sometimes on Wednesday too, man. So just wait for the rain and get rained on, and that'll keep you clean". Wise words indeed.
Frenchie may have taught me alot more, but I've probably just forgot his wise ways.
A day in the life of Jeremy Kyle
9.00am - Woke up. Got dressed and washed.
9.30am - Ate my breakfast at the laptop while playing on www.888.com, lost £3,000.
10.00am - Neglected my children to go to work to shout at dole-collecting, working-class scum who neglect their children.
12.00am - Skipped lunch for Ladbrokes, lost £1,500 on the horses.
2.00pm - Returned home to find my brother waiting for me, wanting to borrow so more money. Had a DNA test on him again to make sure he's my brother. William bought me the restults, turns out the results were inconclusive because of the large amount of coke and herion in 'my brother's' system. Gave in and just gave him £200.
3.00pm - Had an arguement with the wife. She thinks I've been spending too much money recently. Graham came over with the aftercare team to discuss our problems.
3.07pm - Bitch slapped my wife in the face.
3.08pm - Bitch slapped Graham in the face.
3.10pm - Got beat up by Graham, until Security broke it up.
3.45pm - Returned to Ladbrokes, won on the horses; £20!
5.30pm - Returned home for something to eat. The wife's still not talking to me.
6.00pm - Watched some old videoes of 'The Jeremy Kyle Show', God damn it; I'm GOOD!
8.00pm - Saw 'The Jerry Sprinder Show', while channel surfing. I wish I could get some guests as crazy as he did.
8.37pm - Depressed, I slumped in front of my laptop, to gamble away my house.
10.00pm - Didn't lose my house, instead I won £45,000! So ending the day on a high note I sent another hate email to Trisha, telling her what a bitch she is. Signed it Kyle Jeremy (clever - hey?). Decided to go to bed.
10.23pm - Couldn't sleep, sent another email to Trisha, this time signed it from myself, but made it nice. Told her if she ever wants to talk about her cancer, she's more then welcome to come on my show, which is watched by two million people, to discuss it. I can sleep now, back to bed (well - back to the sofa in the living room - wife's still pissed, that's the last time I marry someone that was a contest winner to get married to an other stranger on a radio station that I was a DJ on!).
9.30am - Ate my breakfast at the laptop while playing on www.888.com, lost £3,000.
10.00am - Neglected my children to go to work to shout at dole-collecting, working-class scum who neglect their children.
12.00am - Skipped lunch for Ladbrokes, lost £1,500 on the horses.
2.00pm - Returned home to find my brother waiting for me, wanting to borrow so more money. Had a DNA test on him again to make sure he's my brother. William bought me the restults, turns out the results were inconclusive because of the large amount of coke and herion in 'my brother's' system. Gave in and just gave him £200.
3.00pm - Had an arguement with the wife. She thinks I've been spending too much money recently. Graham came over with the aftercare team to discuss our problems.
3.07pm - Bitch slapped my wife in the face.
3.08pm - Bitch slapped Graham in the face.
3.10pm - Got beat up by Graham, until Security broke it up.
3.45pm - Returned to Ladbrokes, won on the horses; £20!
5.30pm - Returned home for something to eat. The wife's still not talking to me.
6.00pm - Watched some old videoes of 'The Jeremy Kyle Show', God damn it; I'm GOOD!
8.00pm - Saw 'The Jerry Sprinder Show', while channel surfing. I wish I could get some guests as crazy as he did.
8.37pm - Depressed, I slumped in front of my laptop, to gamble away my house.
10.00pm - Didn't lose my house, instead I won £45,000! So ending the day on a high note I sent another hate email to Trisha, telling her what a bitch she is. Signed it Kyle Jeremy (clever - hey?). Decided to go to bed.
10.23pm - Couldn't sleep, sent another email to Trisha, this time signed it from myself, but made it nice. Told her if she ever wants to talk about her cancer, she's more then welcome to come on my show, which is watched by two million people, to discuss it. I can sleep now, back to bed (well - back to the sofa in the living room - wife's still pissed, that's the last time I marry someone that was a contest winner to get married to an other stranger on a radio station that I was a DJ on!).
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
The Pro-Green Dealer
In a society that is slowly becoming more and more obsessed with recycling, buying organic and supporting Fairtrade products, one man has dared to step up and make himself noticeable. That one man is my dealer; Jeff.
Jeff is the
Jeff started out selling organic weed, which was grown totally naturally, no pesticides are used and it’s all by natural light, not stuck in someone’s cupboard grown by a lamp. The weed great and gave an amazing high. Anyone that has tried it has recommended it to a friend, and I highly recommend it to you (email me for Jeff’s contact details).
From the weed Jeff branched out into coke. Now this was new to Jeff, but he managed to get contacts of someone in
Since then Jeff has been thinking of extending his business further. But he’s not willing to share any details with me, because (and I quote) I’ll “just write about it in my shitty blog”.
One last thing; about recycling. Jeff gives you extra weed or coke if you bring your own baggy, instead of using his.
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