On My Soapbox; Air-Strikes in Syria

Look, I want nothing more than the end of humanity [we've ruined this world; slowly depleting it's natural resources, halted it's natural growth, extinct specious', murdered each other because of conflicting ideologies/religions/creed/nationality and loads of other shit], but I always pictured some sort of Zombie apocalypse or a meteor hitting the globe to thin out the crowd instead of another World War... but I suppose beggars can't be choosers.

So people, it's time to hug the ones you love, sit down, plunge your face into your lap and kiss your ass goodbye... which obviously you can't do! Because if a human could kiss their own buttocks that would mean, technically speaking; a man could suck his own cock - and if that was the case; they wouldn't rule the world and we probably wouldn't be in this situation. I say 'probably' because, ya'know; Thatcher!

But the world belongs to chauvinist pigs and one of those chauvinist pig fuckers is David Cameron. I love Cameron, he's like the typical bloke next door... if you grew up in a fucking mansion! Oh yeah, not 'love', I meant 'loath', I'm always get those two mixed up... ask my loathly girlfriend.

Anyway, good old Davey Boy has gone full British Bulldog [let's hope he dies before his time, hey, left-leaning old school WWF fans that catch that reference] and ordered air-strikes on Syria.

Look, if you're expecting me to explain the cluster-fuck of the situation in Syria [and that's the technical term by the way], I can't do it. It's a cluster-fuck. I thought I had a decent grasp on the situation until I watched a video on the BBC News website explaining it and was left more baffled after. Basically, a lot of nations dislike Assad and want to see him leave [USA], but some do like him [Russia], at the moment he's fighting a civil war against rebels, one of those rebel groups is ISIS, but nobody likes them. [Fucking told you I couldn't explain it well!]

And now we're throwing our metaphorical car keys into the bowl at this swinger's orgy. Hooray!

Now, I could be seen as a 'terrorist sympathiser' to David Cameron; the 'warmongering death merchant', but I'm not that gung ho about dropping bombs on Middle-Eastern countries. I know I smoke a plentiful amount of marijuana and drink so heavily that each day is Groundhog Day for my liver... but even in my drug addled mind I have some recollection of the UK getting involved in wars like this before... that weren't particularly easy or successful.

This is because wars like this aren't what they were back in the day. Remember the good old days, when you knew who we were fighting... anyone goose-stepping with a German accent... those were the days!

Nowadays we're fighting religious cults, which is what ISIS are. It's usually a term used for backwards ass Southern American that are 'drinking the Kool Aid', but I think it's the perfect description for these guys. A bunch of religious nuts that have concentrated on certain parts of a religious text that in their eyes gives them immunity to do whatever they want in the name of their God. And they're not constricted by boarders. They're everywhere. With a media campaign so well organised that if they ever catch the guy behind it; he'll be granted immunity if he takes a job at Coke or Apple's advertising department.

This is not something you can simply bomb into oblivion. This is an ideology that enlists impression people and basically brainwashes them into thinking through death they'll reach a higher being. An ideology can't be stopped with violence, if anything that only makes it more powerful. This is a new age, I new type of warfare, we need a fucking new approach.

Let's face facts. Air-strikes are going to kill innocent people. These are normal individuals already in the midst of a civil war. Yet they still live on, I'm a fucking coward, I'd have killed myself a long time ago if I was in their shoes... my only big decision would be if I'd kill Fiona too or just let her feast on my corpse.

And for those who reached a point that it got too much and they left becoming refugees, fleeing to Europe, many dying on the journey, come up against xenophobic hatred because narrow-minded fucks see them as the very same people they're trying to escape. Which leads to bullshit like this;

… popping up in my Facebook feed.

In my eyes, if you're trekked a large part of the globe to another country to avoid persecution, you know what, you fucking deserve a house, much more deserving than a person that simply fell out a vagina on this island that can't be arsed to work. The UK has always opened it's doors to people from other cultures and for the most part they thrive here. Years back it was the Indians, then the Polish, now it's Syrians. I'm from a council estate, so I know full-well the biggest drain on the benefits system is home-grown scum, claiming for bullshit medical reasons and doing cash-in-hand-jobs on the side. I know this because they're friends of friends, and I'm always willing to have extra tokes on their joints and more cans of their beer ['honest man's tax reparation!']. I'm willing to bet the same fuckers that were bashing the Indians all those years ago, probably sit down to a nice curry once a week, and go to the Polish shop because they stock Lays crisps and cheap foreign fags on the sly. So fuck it, let the Syrians in, can't wait to try their cuisine... although judging the lives they've had it's probably scraps and shrapnel.

But as the image states “Why are we housing the bastards trying to kill us?”, well we're not are we. Is every Muslim a terrorist, of course not. Just because your dear old gran has been going to Church every Sunday for decades that doesn't automatically link her to David Koresh, does it? So shut the fuck up.

“But Ben, we're letting in 20,000 refugees by 2020, some of those could be terrorists!”

Yeah, it's a possibility.

“David Cameron said there's already been at least seven attempted terrorist attacks in the UK this year that have been foiled.”

Yeah, he did say that.

So what about this;

Maybe instead of spending a fucking shit ton of money dropping expensive bombs on people, we put that money into properly vetting the refugees that are entering the country and seek out the bad apples. While also giving funds to our counter-terrorism groups, because by the sounds of it they're doing a fucking great job. A big personal kudos to you guys. Keep up the good work, you're the unsung heroes for sure. People get behind the RAF, wishing them good look for basically flying a plane [terrestrial pilots do it drunk, it can't be that hard, there's not much traffic] and pushing a button to drop a bomb [pushing buttons is easy, even a moron like me can do it sssuuuccccccesssssfulllllly].

Our interaction in Syria, without a doubt will increase the terrorists attacks in the UK and although our counter-terror groups are doing a sterling job, you can't always be 100% at work, shit, I'm fucking awesome at my job but even I smash a plate or six on a bad day* [I'm a kitchen porter, by the way and not at a Greek restaurant]. And when that happens innocents will die. Just like in Paris. Because we're not dealing with a bunch of idiotic nut-jobs, we're dealing with a cult that's masterminded a plan. They know assassinating key political figures is almost impossible, so it's civilians that die, we will be paying the cost for our leaders' actions.

But that's just to the start of the plan, xenophobic fears will get amped up in the media, many Muslim will feel persecuted by the societies they've spent their lives in. They'll be verbally and physically abused. Most will shrug it off, knowing that they're dealing with unintelligent cunts, but there's a chance all this abuse could push other individuals over the edge and radicalise them. Truth be told if I was a Muslim and I caught backlash from the attacks in Paris, I'd probably feel disenfranchised from my community and seek revenge, but I'm a spiteful bastard that holds a grudge. And ISIS wants civil unrest, it helps alienated individuals join their cause. And the thing is we need Muslims now more than ever. They could be the key in de-radicalising those that have had their mind warped by ISIS propaganda, they could be the ones that reinforce the humility that the Quran teaches. So how about we lay off them and instead embrace them more? I'm an atheist, there's plenty of evidence that points towards Hitler being the same, yet I don't kill Jews or believe in any of his ideologies. No matter what religion you are, there's always some flag waver causing atrocities in the name of your God[s], it doesn't mean everyone that follows the same God[s] believes the same.

I've rambled for far too long on this subject, so here's the wrap up; Assad is a cunt that needs to be overthrown, he kills his own people with military enforcement, that's not how political leaders do thing these days, instead they kill their own by cutting tax benefits and sending the lower classes to wars they have no business in, like us Western societies. ISIS are cunts, and I don't even want to call them ISIS because that feeds into their hands as that's what they want; they want to be referred to as the 'Islamic State' and all of those that oppose them have fallen right into their hands, so they're already winning. Cameron is a cunt for agreeing to air-strikes in Syria that will kill innocent people and therefore probably turn the Syrians we're trying to help against us, that in turn feeds right into the hands of ISIS.

But don't worry, because at the end of the day you're more than likely safe against a terrorist attack. Evidence shows they usually happen in capital or big cities, so the large majority of us are safe [I wish all the cool people I met in London on my last visit all the best].

Before I go, I just want to say; I think a country should only bomb another country if over 50% of it's inhabits can find that country on a map... and if they can't maybe you should educate them to the point in which they can... but I suppose if you did they probably wouldn't want to bomb them in the first place.

As to how we resolve this threat, I don't know. This is a new age of warfare, a new enemy [kinda like al-Qaeda, remember when we quashed them and the remnants turned up in ISIS?]. There is no victory in violence against a cult willing to die for the cause. If our government really wanted to protect us in this time of austerity they'd do more for the poor, more British people will die this year due to low income and a critically underfunded NHS than attacks by ISIS, but that's not important because some brown people have weapons in the Middle-East and we need to kill them. Should we look into where they get their weapons and funds from? No, we'll ignore that and simply let that continue, because dropping bombs is easier than ruffling a couple of feathers of rich, powerful individuals! It is a capitalist world after all, it's OK for ISIS to have what seems like an endless supply of money from mysterious benefactors because if we dig a little deeper it could upset political procedures.

What happened in Paris was a fucking travesty. There's no doubt about it. But the Western World has been fighting Islamic fundamentalists for quite some time and there seems no end and everything seems to worsen. We need new tactics... and I'm not an idiot, they may not work, but we should go back to the drawing board and try again and again until we figure it out. If violence was an acceptable answer 85% of us would kick the shit out of our boss[es], co-workers, friends and family everytime they they pissed us off. But we don't because we're civilised... or so I've been lead to believe. 

*I'm over exaggerating for comical effect, if I broke six plates I'd be fired, they collectively cost more that my wage for a week.

Ben on Bin

Osama bin Laden from Al-Jazeera’s popular ratings grabber; “Jihad Hour” television show has been shot in the face Call of Duty style. America has finally nabbed the Worst’s Most Wanted Man, although it’s kind of a hollow victory to say that, as they are the ones that bestowed that accolade on him in the first place.

Everyone has an opinion on the death of Osama bin Laden and the way it [/he] was executed by the American dudes [can’t remember what they were; Navy Seals I think], so you’ve read theirs, so here is mine;

Should They Have Killed Him?
I have never killed a man, check my non-existent police file if you don’t believe me. I’m not sure what it takes to kill another man, although weapons and ammo would logically be the best place to start. I think, please remember my education on military action comes from watching Band of Brothers and Saving Private Ryan, taking him alive would have been better, yet I was not invited to take part in the raid of his lair [you have to call the house he was staying in a lair – it drives home the impression he was a criminal mastermind, the sort of villain James Bond would fight in one of his terribly predictable films], probably because my armed forces knowledge is based around TV and film. I would say taking him alive would have likely provided more information on al-Qaida via waterboarding which is very different from wakeboarding, yet I always think they’re the same thing. If they were able to capture him maybe eventually we’d [the public] would have got to see a photo of him in his underwear just like Saddam Hussein – remember that? How funny was that?

Was it Right to Shoot an Unarmed Man?
When I first saw the headline, I thought it read; “Bin Laden Unharmed”, I instantly thought he was some super human, or some kind of deity, that he really was chosen by Allah and that it was time to convert to Islam. Thankfully, I’d just misread the word, he was unarmed, as in he had no weapons. One newspaper [The Sun, I think] went with the headline; “Bin Laden Unarmed like his victims on 9/11 and 7/7”, which I’m not sure about, guns are very popular and easy to come by in the States, I’m willing to bet a couple of people that died that day were packing heat, but that’s besides the point.

It has been stressed that Bin Laden could have been wearing a suicide vest, which is true, he could have been, yet that makes me think if this is likely he’d have to wear a suicide vest constantly. I know the man was dedicated to the fall of the West and global Islam, but wearing a suicide vest all the time? It’s a lot to ask, especially when you’re living in a ‘safe house’.
But was it right? Face it, if anyone deserves to be shot unarmed it is Osama Bin Laden [from a Westerners point of view anyway]. Of course from the other point of view this action is easy to propagate into terrorism by America.

Should They Have Buried Him at Sea?
This topic is causing problems. Some are saying that it wasn’t fitting with Islamic tradition; others are saying he doesn’t deserve any right to have a traditional burial. As I keep saying I have never killed a man, yet if I did I would be in quite a rush to dispose of the body, it’s like Murder 101. Maybe this is what happened with the Osama’s corpse, plus who’d want a decomposing body on their ship? Not me, that’s for sure. How can you enjoy a good game of shuffleboard with a fucking cadaver stinking up the fresh sea breeze? The argument for burying him at sea was that his grave could become a shrine for extremists. I don’t know if American intelligence [and I use that term loosely] know this but; you can create a shrine for someone anywhere, not just of their graves. I’ve created numerous shrines to the girls/women I’ve been stalking over the years. Those shrines made up of locks of hair, toe nail cuttings, blurry photos and used tampons were always constructed in my wardrobe, not once was it on their shrine made on their grave, even after they all died under strange circumstances … like I’ve said; I have never killed a man. The American’s apparently tried to pawn off his body to Pakistan and Saudi Arabia, yet shockingly they didn’t want it. America’s relationship with these two countries isn’t exactly great, trying to shift off his body to these is like calling in a favour from a Facebook friend [you accept yet have no contact with, they’re just there to bunk up your friend count] to help dispose of the body of that Jennifer girl you’ve been stalking.

Did Pakistan Know He Was There?
I have no idea. Next question.

Should America Release the Photos?
Not the ones of Pippa Middleton in a bikini – because we all want to see those, but the ones of a dead Osama. It is believed that releasing the photos would cause outrage in the Arab would, you know, like killing him DIDN’T! It would be nice to see some proof, as conspiracy theorists are always going to deny it was Osama, now they have good reason too. I don’t think it should stop at the photos, I want to see the video feed captured on one of the troops head-cam, that apparently Obama was watching [not sure if it was the President, at first it was then apparently it was someone else watching it, relaying to the Head of State – the story changes so much, spurring on conspiracy theorists]. We got to see Saddam die, why not Osama too? America has released some DVDs/Videos captured from Osama’s ‘mansion’ today, but they’ve removed the audio as the speeches may rally extremists because as we all know Arab people can’t lip-read! The videos released apparently feature bloopers too – which I joked about via Facebook the day of his death.

Was it Worth it?
Well American’s were celebrating in the streets, which I can understand to a certain degree. The man has become to the face of terrorism and now he’s gone. Now we have to wait and see what will transpire next. A warning has already been put out that terrorists could respond to the death of their leader – so the world is no safer without him. America is now attempting to hunt down Bin Laden’s number two; al-Zawahiri, so it’s clear that the War on Terrorism is far from over – plus Americans will always need someone to hunt down so they can withhold their positions in the Middle-East. Of course it is likely that just because you’ve removed the head of al-Qaida there’s nothing from it growing another one, like Jeebs the pawn shop owner from Men in Black.

Obama has received a rise in popularity in the polls due to Osama’s death. Which is good for him, I suppose. Nick Clegg could have single-handedly captured Osama, bought him back to England in a headlock and still wouldn’t have seen his popularity rises in the local elections.

Whatever your opinion on Bin Laden, keep it to yourself, because all this talk of it is getting old, at least when the Royal Wedding was in the news I could check out pictures of Pippa Middleton’s lovely bottom.

Ben Broughton’s 2-Point Plan to Save the Economy

I know many people that return to read my Blog have been looking forward to my insightful knowledge and rationality being turned towards something that none of us can avoid; the economy. Seeing as last week David Cameron and one of his millionaire, Tory stooges; Jeremy Hunt [coincidentally he is what his second name rhymes with – and I don’t mean front or blunt*] decided to axe the UK Film Council, it seems as if the only way this current Conservative government can make headway is by cutting and slashing anything, like a knife wielding maniac on crystal meth. So, I’m not one to disappoint [outside of the bedroom], so here it is; a couple of ideas that strengthen the British economy.

The One-Child Policy
I will admit that China did have this idea first, but like an MP dealing with the economy at the minute I’ve simply stole it. Of course, seeing as China’s population is now over a billion I’m not sure if it’s working too well over there, I think us Brits could band together and show them how it should be done.

If couples deluded enough to even want children in the first place simply had one child they could focus all their attention towards it. This is extremely beneficial, although I’m willing to take the chance of making Britain over run with spoilt children. Less children means smaller classes at school, which leads to more attention from teachers, which leads to smarter students, which leads to more intellectual adults (as they grow up), which leads to a better society. At the minute there’s some figure going around explaining how many people are going for one job, I can’t remember the figure and I’m too lazy to Google it, but let’s just say it’s 20 people. After about two decades of The One-Child Policy, that number will be dramatically lower and the skills possessed by those going for the job will be much higher.

I know that this policy is going to be met with a massive backlash, I understand that people don’t want to be told how many children they can have, but you know what; life’s shit and if you don’t like it fuck off to France. I also understand it will take a long time for the benefits of this policy to start taking effect, at least two decades but this is just a testament to my future thinking. I’m not making policies that will make a bit of money here and there now; I’m concentrating on the future of this country.

In a time when the media perpetuates an image of the youth being good for nothing, criminal minded, drug addled, scum living life how they seem fit no matter who it causes problems for, they are bound to back this idea. Fewer children means paedophiles would find it harder to kidnap their victims, so to be against The One-Child Policy is just like saying “Paedophiles are good for England” – you sick bastards.

Plus wouldn’t it just be better to have fewer kids around?

Legalisation of Cannabis
I’ve already talked about how the legalisation of cannabis would deflate the number of stabbings in this country. Although have you noticed that the coverage of people getting stabbed is much lower than it was say two years ago? Nobody in the media seems to care about kids killing each other anymore, not since the economical crisis, but either way legalisation of cannabis is always the answer to whatever problem the media is currently serving up to the fearful population.

Legalisation would benefit the economy in varies ways. Firstly taxing cannabis would create an influx of money towards the government, maybe then they can stop cutting jobs in the public sector. Making cannabis legal would open up new business ventures in the UK, following the model of Coffee Shops in Amsterdam, of course the current (and what some may call fascist) smoking Ban would have to be altered with business owners having to apply for a Smoking Licence, so customers would be able to smoke in their establishments. The legalisation would leave the Police with more money to go after and prosecute ‘real’ drug dealers too.

Legalisation would create so much more money in this country; it’s unbelievable that nobody in power has even suggested it.

*Cunt, Jeremy Hunt is a cunt, in case you didn’t get it.

5 Reasons for Mrs. Cameron to Have an Abortion

Yesterday I read a news article (get me!) that proclaimed that the wife of David Cameron is pregnant. So, due to the fact I want to seem as if I’m on the pulse of current news topics and give the overall impression that I can be topical on this Blog, I decided to put together a list of reasons of why Samantha Cameron should abort that little bundle of joy promptly. For those that don’t know ‘SamCam’ (as some newspapers deem her, although to me SamCam sounds likes a porno-star’s website that features a live sex show broadcast via their webcam) and the evil one (David Cameron) have had three children already; Ivan Reginald Ian, Nancy Gwen and Arthur Elwen. Three children that have the combination of seven names! Although Ivan Reginald Ian died, so now they have two children that have the combination of four names.

1 – No Father Figure
Although sick slowly creeps up my throat as I write this; it is extremely possible that David Cameron will win the next election. This is going to make him an extremely busy man, the NHS isn’t just going to privatise itself you know! Therefore he’s not going to be around to help raise this child. If a child doesn’t have a father figure then it grows up unguided, into being a cynical bastard that writes hateful Blogs about people he/she doesn’t know, just for attention … so I heard somewhere.

2 – One Less Tory
I think we all can agree that The Conservatives are cunts. Yet, in a little over 18 years this foetus that is currently growing in SamCam will have the ability to vote, and who do you think it will vote for? Daddies group of friends, of course. It is important to stop people voting Tory early on in life, and what is possibly earlier than abortion? Stopping the conception of a Tory-baby is the only action that can be taken earlier than abortion, but that is extremely difficult. So one abortion = one less vote for The Conservatives, its simple maths.

3 – The Photo-Op Tot
Lets face facts here, if this little bugger is born it will receive the best education money has to offer, the kind of education that is so far beyond what any of us received we can’t even imagine the intricate details discussed as it would blow our minds right open and brain matter would ooze down our backs. The thing is, one day this child is going to put two and two together and realise that the only reason it was conceived was as a ploy to get votes. Of course growing up to become Tory scum it is likely that the child will come to this conclusion and say; “Father, I have been deep in thought about my conception and have come to the conclusion that the only legitimate reason for my existence to come about was for you to garner more votes at the 2010 election. I must say this was an excellent idea on your part, old chap. What a brilliant way to deceit the voters into selecting The Conservative Party. Heil Thatcher!” Although the opposite is also possible, if the child grows up and is able to keep in touch with its emotions (rare for most Conservatives I know, but it’s probable) and then comes to this conclusion, the child could become so distraught by this fact that it could commit suicide, as it’s life means nothing and it was simply a pawn on the chessboard of political one-up-man-ship. That’s no life for a child! Best to end it now with an abortion, before this horror unfolds.

4 – Over-Population
This kind of connects to something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Basically to get us out of this economic gloom I believe that couples (and slutty girls) should be limited to the amount of children they have in order for the country to get back on track. [This will be discussed at further length in an upcoming Blog … so I’ll convince you then]

5 – This Child could be the Anti-Christ
I firmly believe that when/if the Anti-Christ is conceived it will be by the seed of a Tory. Now I’m not too hot on my Biblical scripture but I do believe the Apocalypse reads like this;

“The world shall come to its end when the tides begin to rise. The Anti-Christ will be conceived on the Eve of an Election by a loyal servant of the Devil. The loyal servant will be congratulated for his role with a position of power, with this he will bring about a reign of terror across the lands. Blood will run through the streets, house prices will go up, the poor shall be slaughtered as offering to Satan. Then the Anti-Christ shall be born, slicing its carrier in two, the Anti-Christ will then feed upon the body of its mother. The loyal servant will pass down the power to the Anti-Christ, upon this happening the Anti-Christ will proclaim; ‘The End is nign, it’s time to motherfuckin’ die!’ And the world shall be engulfed by hell.”

… or something like that. It’s best not to take a chance and abort it now if you ask me.

If Political Parties were Kids

The other day, while sitting around doing nothing of worth I got to thinking about political parties, and they way they are. There’s so many and at times it can be confusing trying to understand them, so I decided to think of them as kids at school, because at school things were so much simpler. Everyone knew where they stood, people were easy to classify by the way they acted. So here’s my personalisation of political parties.


Conservative Party
Would be that rich kid at school, kinda posh but always trying extra hard not to come across that way. The type of kid that wanted you to view him as one of your own but seeing as none of your other mates had butlers, you knew there was something different about him. Plus he’d always try to sound cool by using out of date slang, which he thinks will win you over but it just makes you hate him a little but more. Deep down you’d love to watch someone kick the living shit out of him, you wouldn’t do it yourself of course, because his parents would get some of the best lawyers in England to sue the living shit out of you and your broke-as-fuck family.

Labour Party
Would be that guy you used to get on with so much in primary school, but after a while you realised that deep down you don’t have that much in common anymore. Probably because he went around acting all hard when in fact he was a pussy. Yeah, he used to be kind of cool, but not anymore. So you try to avoid him and act like you don’t know him in social situations, as being linked with such a tremendous twat would ruin your reputation. So you spend the rest of your school life avoiding eye contact and ignoring him as he talks to you.

Liberal Democrats
Is that kid that’s forever teetering on the edge of becoming popular, if you could just remember his bloody name. No matter how many times you’ve been told his name, you just can’t remember it, it’s forever on the tip of tongue and that’s where stays. He’s constantly trying to act cool, much like the ‘Conservative Kid’, and he’d probably pull it off if you could simply remember that he exists, but alas, you can’t, so he’ll never be accepted or cool.

UK Independence Party
Would be that kid that joins the class towards the end of the year and never really manages to fit in. Although he makes some pathetic attempts to get along with everyone, but in the end he simply vanishes into the background and becomes part of the scenery. For example, if the fire alarm wet off and all the classes ran outside to the playground to make sure everyone was ok and accounted for, nobody would notice the ‘UKIP kid’ was missing until fire fighters dragged his charred remains form the ashy rubble you formerly called a school.

British National Party
Would be the kid always claiming not be racist, although they knew every racist joke going around and wouldn’t mind sharing them. And when racist stuff was found written in the toilets they deny it was them even though it was in their handwriting and there were plenty of spelling mistakes. Plus, he’d be the kid with the bald headed father, that only wore ripped jeans and white vests, along with having “NF” tattooed on his forehead, although the kid at school would protest, saying it didn’t stand for National Front, but for Nottingham Forest.

Official Monster Raving Loony Party
Would be that ‘special’ kid, although not ‘special’ enough for the ‘special’ class, but too ‘special’ for the regular class. Think of the kid that ate glue/paste and regularly wet themselves.

Green Party
Would be that eco-friendly kid. Constantly advising you to recycle your empty bottles or cans of Coca Cola, while telling you not to drink Coca Cola as Coke is an evil, capitalist corporation. He’s also the kid that always turns up to school without his homework, claiming to have done it, but instead of bringing into school he left it at home in the paper recycling bin, as the school doesn’t have a “good enough” recycling system. The one good feature he does have is his cool dreadlocks, but seeing as he doesn’t bathe, it kinda puts everyone else in school off of growing their own.

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