The Funny Side of Terrorism

You may think clowns are harmless, but they’re not. I recently learned that behind that make-up and underneath those baggy clothes is a terrorist. All clowns are terrorists!

I understand that because of Americanism and the media that many of the population believe that a terrorist has to be a Muslim, but this is not the case; anyone can be a terrorist... Timothy McVeigh? or the I.R.A?

So let me just make it clear, that clowns have no ties to any religion. What most people (who aren’t clowns) don’t know is that almost 98% of clowns are linked by secret societies. The biggest being ‘The Clown Conglomerate’ (or ‘CC’ for short).

The CC was first put together in the Medieval Times by Jesters, it has since grown and spread. Sectors have been set up all over the world and all answer to the headquarters, which are believed to be in the Kent area, but nobody is sure (apart from those clowns at highest level of The CC).

The Clown Conglomerate used to be all about how to be a clown, how to make children laugh and what-not, but around 14 years ago a clown by the name of Bibbles became the head of The CC. Bibbles took it upon himself to begin spreading his ideology (“putting the ‘fun’ into fundamental”) about how clowns are the chosen ones. That humour is the greatest emotion that people can feel, better than love, and that seeing as clowns made people laugh, they were the most important people to walk the face of the Earth.

His ideas began to spread. Secret clown conferences were held all over the world with Bibbles addressing fellow clowns. He was looked upon to be a saviour to clowns, in a world were clowns were becoming less popular and coulrophobia was rife actions were needed.

The turning point was when Bibbles addressed a gathering of 3,000 clowns, which were made up of clowns from all over the world that headed up their countries particular sector of The Clown Conglomerate. He made a Hitler-esque speech that would go down as the major turning point for clowns all over the world. He ended it; “So people are coulrophobic! So people are scared of clowns? They’re scared of the chosen ones? Well we’ll give them something to be scared of ... laughing so hard they’ll piss their pants in public!”

From that moment on clowns across the globe started developing terrorist plans to launch on the innocent public. These would be none violent attacks, instead they were “attacks of laughter” (said Bibbles). The idea was to somehow remind the people of the world that clowns are funny. Clowns in Sri Lanka developed a belt that was packed with light explosives and bombs of confetti, the idea was that clowns would wear these belts on busy buses or busy trains and then at some stage in the journey stand up and set the belt off, which would cause masses of confetti to explode from the belt all over the people on the bus/train. They called this belt the ‘Bibbles Belt’, after their ‘great’ leader.

For months The CC worked on plans that would take place on a certain day, a day that they believed would go down in history as the funniest day ever.

With plans finalised the date was set, but before everything went down there had to be a test run.
The test run took place at a British airport. 20 clowns were involved. From what I have learned it went down like this;

At around 10.25 am a mini pulled up in the drop off area of the airport. As soon as it stopped one clown jumped out, followed by another, then another, then another. The fourth clown to jump out had some technical difficulties with his ‘Bibbles Belt’, and it went off prematurely sending confetti into the air, the explosion caused Airport Police to rush to the scene. By the time the 7th clown was out of the car the Airport Police had opened fire. Bullets tore through the clowns leaving remnants of baggy clothes and brightly coloured wigs all over the place. One witness, who was willing to talk, told me it was a “massacre”. The clowns kept pouring out of the car and the police kept shooting. By the end of it 19 clowns were dead and one was in critical condition.

The government decided to act fast and cover-up what had taken place by cleaning up the area and taking any witnesses into confident.

The CC quickly abandoned their plans for ‘the funniest day ever’ and key players such as Bibbles went into hiding.

To this day nobody knew outside of The CC and the government knew the details of this, and I feel I’m putting my own life at risk sharing it, but from what I have gathered (which in my opinion is just the tip of the iceberg) there’s much more to what really happened with The CC and what they were really planning.