President Obama should be put on Trail for the Death of Dr. Lawrence Kutner

As the world worships the ground that Barack Obama walks on, many people have overlooked one extremely important fact; that the election of this man lead to the death of one of the greatest television characters of the past decade.

Dr. Lawrence Kutner was bought onboard the television show House. For those unfamiliar with this show, I pity you. House, although made by evil American television company; FOX (owned by Satan himself; Rupert Murdoch), is the best show on television. Now, some demented couch potatoes out there might be willing to disagree, maybe stating that LOST or Heroes are perhaps better. Well demented couch potatoes: YOU’RE WRONG. I too once had plenty of love for these television series’, but after Heroes took a massive nose dive after the first season and proceeded to not supply its audience with a decent fight scene between Sylar and Peter Petrelli, which we’ve all been waiting for and the writers keep building up to, I lost all faith. As for LOST, it’s kind of turned into a slutty girl that just leads you along, making you believe you’re going to get somewhere but you never do. It’s a prick-tease of a show. And to be honest prick-teasers aren’t my thing. For every question that gets answered, ten more questions need to be asked, it’s getting to the point were it’s mentally and physically exhausting to watch. (It’s also worth mentioning that both LOST and Heroes pale in comparison to The Wire – heroin in the medium of a television show)

Anyway, back to the best show on television; House is a drama based around a brilliant diagnostic doctor (Dr. Gregory House). While other drama’s about doctors or hospitals suck more cock than a crackhead in desperate need of a fix, House shines through and stands out amongst the other shit as if it was a piece of luminous, gold sweetcorn. With lovable characters, extravagant diseases/medical conditions, medical jargon for days, witty lines and the Holmes/Watson style friendship Dr. Gregory House and his best friend; Dr. Robert Wilson share it makes the likes of other medical dramas such as Grey’s Anatomy, ER or Private Practice about as much fun as dying in a NHS hospital hallway while you wait for a bed.

Dr. Gregory House, employs a team to help him with his work, this is how we get on to Dr. Lawrence Kutner.

After House sacked his original team, he began to put together another one. Enter Kutner. Even in the early stages, when House had about 40 interns fighting for only three jobs, Kutner was standing out. Maybe it’s because he was ultra cool, maybe it’s because he set a patient on fire (using a defibrillator in a hyperbaric chamber) or maybe it’s because he was brown. Either way, Kutner stood out. Finally Kutner made it down to the final three and won himself (a well deserved) place on House’s team alongside the Jew and the lesbian.

But how does Barack Obama fit into all of this?

Well, the delightful Dr. Lawrence Kutner was portrayed by Kal Penn. During the run up to the last American election, Penn was a member of Obama’s National Arts Policy Committee. Upon Obama’s election, Penn was offered the position of Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Engagement in the Obama administration. Which he accepted. This then lead to his character committing suicide for an unknown reason.

If I’d have known that the election of Barack Obama would have bought about such an action I’d have been against him from the get go. I now actually wish McCain had have won so Kal Penn would have never been offered a job in the White House and Kutner would still be alive. Yes, with McCain in office the world would be in a much more terrible place. McCain wouldn’t have the skills to get America and the rest of the world out of this economical gloom, he looks as if he struggles to get himself out of bed every morning, so a whole getting a whole country out of a recession would have been impossible. Plus, McCain would have probably sent American troops to go to war with Vietnam, just because he still holds a grudge. But now I’m the one with the grudge, against the “most powerful man in the world”.

I can’t believe Obama was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize, when he has the blood of Dr. Lawrence Kutner on his hands. It makes me sick. When Bush was President, there was plenty of blood on his hands too. Bush’s actions resulted in the death of innocent Iraqis, innocent Afghans, American troops and British troops, but to be fair to him, nobody on House died as a result of his actions in power, so I’m starting to see a more positive side to him, too bad he’s gone now, probably skipping around Texas trying to catch butterflies in a net or something.

To be honest, it doesn’t matter what Barack Obama does; gets the world out of the recession, brings peace in the Middle East, ends World Poverty, cures AIDs or comes around to my house with a bag of money for me! None of these will make up for being the reason behind the death of Kutner. This is why President Barack Obama should be put on trail for the death of Dr. Lawrence Kutner. Then, when he’s found guilty by a jury of his peers he should be forced to build a time machine and go back in time to before the election and tell the 2008 Obama to lose the election to John McCain, or he could go further back and lose the Democrat election to Bill Clinton’s wife, or go further back and just murder his mother and father to stop his own conception taking place. I don’t care how he fucking does it; I just want Dr. Lawrence Kutner back on House.