• Must be Furnished
Face it people, you’re straight out of University, you have no money and you have a crippling debt that you have to drag around forever like your deceased Siamese twin. If you think you can move into an unfurnished house you’re either mentally retarded or you like making things really hard for yourself or you’re still scrounging off of your mother and father. Beds, washing machines, fridges, freezers, sofas … these things aren’t cheap, even second hand. What you have to think about is; “Do I have a couple of hundred quid to buy this stuff?” Because more than likely you don’t. I’m not saying live in furnished houses forever, just start making some serious money first, save up, and then buy these things.
• Get over Yourself
Look, you need to realise you’re scum. In the eyes of society; you’re no-one, a miniscule pleb on the face of the Earth, a waste of space, just another soulless human breathing all the good air. With your low-earning, shitty job. So get over yourself. Stop looking for the perfect house; it doesn’t exist, especially on your tiny budget. You need to think financially; cheap, shitty houses are best, plus they’re more in tune with your cheap, shitty life. Sorry to break it to you but after University you’re supposed to live in crappy accommodation. So put a halt to finding that 3-double-bedroom house, with a large back garden, sufficient parking, study room … Bite the fucking bullet and live a shack. You’re not starting a family; you won’t be living there forever. Plus think about what your life is going to consist of from now on, the days of sitting around the house smoking weed and playing with your dick are over, you have to work. Hypothetically speaking, let’s say you work 9-5, five days a week; you’ll only be in your house evenings and weekends. Evenings will consist of cooking and sleeping, weekends will consist of going out. So this hunt for the perfect house is simply a hunt for a place to cook and sleep. Cook and Sleep, that’s all you need a house for. As long as you find somewhere that has a cooker/microwave and a bed/loads of pillows on the floor, you’re fine. Plus, why the fuck do you need a garden? They’re only useful around summer time, other than that they have no real function, it’s just a chore; having to mow it and scare of the neighbour’s cat so it stops crapping everywhere.
• Need a Big Bedroom
Do you really need a big bedroom? Or are you just selfish? As long as you can fit a bed in it you’ll be fine. “But I spend loads of time in my room!” That really lets on to the calibre of people you live with and is offensive to your future housemates. You may as well just say; “I’ll live with you, but I NEVER want to see you!” to their face. “At home I had a big bedroom.” Move back then. You also had a mother that cooked and cleaned for you, do you think someone else will do that? I share a box room with my brother when I’m back home. That’s two people in one tiny room. We manage to get by, so if you think you can’t have a small room to yourself you’re a fucking idiot. For what reason do you need a big room? Are you sacrificing goats to Satan regularly? Are you a break-dancer, that needs room to practice? Are you mating Tigers? Or raising Elephants? No, you’re fucking not. You’re sleeping in your bedroom, that’s what it’s for, the clues in the fucking first three letters of the word; bed, it’s where you’re bed goes, so you can sleep. Plus the bigger the room the more cleaning and tidying you have to do.
Face it people, you’re straight out of University, you have no money and you have a crippling debt that you have to drag around forever like your deceased Siamese twin. If you think you can move into an unfurnished house you’re either mentally retarded or you like making things really hard for yourself or you’re still scrounging off of your mother and father. Beds, washing machines, fridges, freezers, sofas … these things aren’t cheap, even second hand. What you have to think about is; “Do I have a couple of hundred quid to buy this stuff?” Because more than likely you don’t. I’m not saying live in furnished houses forever, just start making some serious money first, save up, and then buy these things.
• Get over Yourself
Look, you need to realise you’re scum. In the eyes of society; you’re no-one, a miniscule pleb on the face of the Earth, a waste of space, just another soulless human breathing all the good air. With your low-earning, shitty job. So get over yourself. Stop looking for the perfect house; it doesn’t exist, especially on your tiny budget. You need to think financially; cheap, shitty houses are best, plus they’re more in tune with your cheap, shitty life. Sorry to break it to you but after University you’re supposed to live in crappy accommodation. So put a halt to finding that 3-double-bedroom house, with a large back garden, sufficient parking, study room … Bite the fucking bullet and live a shack. You’re not starting a family; you won’t be living there forever. Plus think about what your life is going to consist of from now on, the days of sitting around the house smoking weed and playing with your dick are over, you have to work. Hypothetically speaking, let’s say you work 9-5, five days a week; you’ll only be in your house evenings and weekends. Evenings will consist of cooking and sleeping, weekends will consist of going out. So this hunt for the perfect house is simply a hunt for a place to cook and sleep. Cook and Sleep, that’s all you need a house for. As long as you find somewhere that has a cooker/microwave and a bed/loads of pillows on the floor, you’re fine. Plus, why the fuck do you need a garden? They’re only useful around summer time, other than that they have no real function, it’s just a chore; having to mow it and scare of the neighbour’s cat so it stops crapping everywhere.
• Need a Big Bedroom
Do you really need a big bedroom? Or are you just selfish? As long as you can fit a bed in it you’ll be fine. “But I spend loads of time in my room!” That really lets on to the calibre of people you live with and is offensive to your future housemates. You may as well just say; “I’ll live with you, but I NEVER want to see you!” to their face. “At home I had a big bedroom.” Move back then. You also had a mother that cooked and cleaned for you, do you think someone else will do that? I share a box room with my brother when I’m back home. That’s two people in one tiny room. We manage to get by, so if you think you can’t have a small room to yourself you’re a fucking idiot. For what reason do you need a big room? Are you sacrificing goats to Satan regularly? Are you a break-dancer, that needs room to practice? Are you mating Tigers? Or raising Elephants? No, you’re fucking not. You’re sleeping in your bedroom, that’s what it’s for, the clues in the fucking first three letters of the word; bed, it’s where you’re bed goes, so you can sleep. Plus the bigger the room the more cleaning and tidying you have to do.
So there we have it, that’s my tiny insight into finding somewhere to live, by live I mean cook, eat and sleep. I hope these tips have helped you on your way to finding somewhere, possibly a shack, to live.
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