A Well Overdue Wine

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote anything, so I though I’d give it a go and use some of the other letters on my keyboard other than; F, R, E, P, O, R and N. The problem is I’ve had a lack of things to write about and by ‘write about’, I obviously mean bitch about. Maybe I’m settling down in my old age? Or maybe the constant amount of day to day intoxication has dulled my senses, drive and any ambition that wasn’t already crushed out of me by society… either way, I’m back to putting metaphorical pen to metaphorical paper.

To help me make the transition from drinking to blogging, I thought I’d write a blog about drinking; it’s really amazing how my brain works. But instead of lambasting a topic, I wanted to switch it up a little and talk about how great something [besides me] is. My topic is red wine.

Now, I’ve never really drank wine before recently, I’ve been in contact with it the majority of my life as my mum puts away a bottle or five a day. The only time I remember drinking wine is a few years back when I got a free bottle from work and had no other alcohol in the house, so I downed it while watching a Cantonese gangster film [Yes, I am THAT cultured]. It was ok, but it never really appealed to me that much. Yet now, I’m turning into a bit of a wino [I mean that in both wine-liking and hobo terms]. I’d just like to clarify that I only drink red wine. White and Rosé still taste like elephant piss to me and if you want to argue it out, I’d be more than willing to bottle you with a fruity yet robust Australian Shiraz [check the terminology bitches!].

You see, while red wine is nice, it’s not the flavour that attracts me to it so much, it’s a real alcoholics drink. What makes it so great is the fact that it’s served at room temperature, no need to make space in the fridge for those three bottles I’ve just got from the shop. Plus it’s a tipple you can drink at your own pace; it doesn’t go flat, get warm and if you pass out late at night with half a glass left it’s still there in the morning for you to finish off before you set off to work [you may need to scoop out any dead moths first, mind you].

Of course, as with anything, there are some minor problems. As I’ve just started out drinking wine, I’m a little uneducated in the different types although my taste buds are sincerely fucked from years of smoking so the country of origin or grapes used means nothing to me and I highly doubt I’ll ever learn how to differentiate between them. Plus the names are fucking fucked! Whoever came up with Merlot, well done on making a decent wine, but at least fucking proofread the name, it should end in a ‘w’ not a fucking ‘t’ you stupid wtaw*!! As for fucking Cabernet Sauvignon … what the fuck is that? That may as well be written in pissing Arabic, I think I’d have more chance at pronouncing it correctly. But aside from the stupid names, red wine’s got a lot going for it, so why not have a bottle tonight and forget about your troubles/bills/children/responsibilities.

And that’s it. Not great, but trying to get in the habit of writing again, next one will be better I promise, it’s entitled; The Fuck Buddy Complex… that just sounds good, so come back for that when I’ve finally get around to finishing it. Peace.

*That got added as I proofread the piece, best fucking joke in there.