#UnfinishedBusiness; Irking Me Off; #1 Helmet

#UnfinishedBusiness is a collection of Blog posts from 2013 that I never quite completed or totally forgot about.

The files I found, and YES, I'm still using XP.

Synopsis:
I'd read a news story about a father trying to make wearing a helmet while riding a bike the law, strangely enough he had the exact name as one of my University lecturers [I've changed the name now though, privacy and all that jazz] and for some reason this got me peeved enough to write this.

DISCLAIMER: Due to my recent all time low of writing, I’ve began to formulate a plan to write more frequently to get me back into the habit of writing, it is a skill that needs to be kept sharp.

So welcome the “Irking Me Off” series.

It’s about those things you [or more specifically; I] see that kind of resonate in the back of your [my] mind for an unbeknownst reason.

I don’t know if you’ve seen in the news recently, but a young boy was involved in a road accident while riding his bike, he is in a very bad way. [And you thought I lost the knack for jokes]. He wasn’t wearing a helmet. Now his paramedic father [named Matt Smalling] is campaigning to make it the law to for cyclists to wear helmets.

Now you’re up to speed, I can delve into this situation.

Firstly the poor victim of this accident didn’t want to wear a helmet because it would mess up his hair. Ironic seeing as the back of a van has messed up his face beyond repair. No amount of Brylcreem is going to mask that asphalt embedded in his face.

I used to bike to work, and in all honesty… I once raped a chicken… plus I never used to wear my helmet – not because of any superficial reason, luckily I’ve been blessed with a winning personality … and natural beauty. I had a helmet; it even matched my BMX [who says safety can’t be stylish?]. But I never wore it until my favourite lecturer [ironically named Matt Smalling – I’m not taking the piss here, Google him, he’s real*] was involved in a bike accident and he told me that if it wasn’t for his helmet his injuries would have been much worse.

Now I clearly took heed to Matt Smalling’s [my lecturer] advice. As he was an authority figure in my eyes and while there’s that constant burning fire inside myself to rebel against any authority, I’m not a fool, I know good advice when I hear it.

Now if you take my own experiences into account you begin to see some slight similarities, especially the Matt Smalling stuff, that’s just random and likely to be made up… even though it definitely isn’t**.

So I understand the plea of the Matt Smalling [father of Tarmac Face] to make wearing a helmet the law – although I honestly thought it was already the law, but one of those laws that everyone breaks like speeding, smoking weed and sexually molesting OAPs. It clearly makes sense that cyclists should be kitted out with something that keeps their grey matter from making our roads slighter greyer.

But the thing that continues to nag at me is Matt Smalling [parent of the only child with a licence plate imprinted in his face] is a fucking paramedic! He must have been in many situations in which he was peeling people off the road due to numerous car incidents, many of which must involved a cyclist at some point. Why wasn’t he more forceful with his own son?

“Hey Dad, I’ll see you later; I’m off to work”
”Wait son, aren’t you wearing your helmet?”
”Nah, don’t wanna mess with the ‘do, need to cock-tease the guys down the factory”
”Son, I’m a paramedic, I peel the faces of cyclists from car grills on a day to day basis, and although my medical training is limited… there’s no giving CPR to a caved in skull… so wear your fucking helmet, fuck your hair, think about your safety you fucking pompous cunt!”

Clearly this didn’t go down in the Smalling household.

The thing that irks me the most about this whole situation is I completely agree with both Matt Smalling's on this matter. It’s just that how can paramedic Matt Smalling be the face of this of his campaign [I understand his son can’t be the face of it for obvious reasons]? This is a medically trained man whose working life revolves around emergency accidents, yet it isn’t until his own son suffers from such a fate that he decides to chirp up. If he was a decent person, father and paramedic his son should have never left his home without the correct safety measures in place.

And that’s the truth.

If a police officer’s son went and shot up a school, and the father said; “Well, I knew he had the gun, but I never thought this would happen!” Everyone would be pointing out the irony of the whole situation.

*Don't Google him, I changed his name.

**He isn't made up, I just changed his name.