Look,
we're all a bit weird in our special ways. What seems the daily
average to you may seem bizarre to the next person. Me, myself; I get
extremely attached to inanimate objects, I have a tendency for
hoarding certain things of no value plus I have certain quirks
ingrained into me.
So here
I'm going to offer you some insight into the life I live and all the
'norms' to me, that you may or may not know.
Hoarding
#1; Haribo
 |
| An Un-'Bo-leavable Collection |
Amongst
those in the know, this is my most infamous hoarding 'project'. This
is such a notorious part of my character that other people are
willingly involved in this deluded action! Close friends and family
members will constantly return from holidays aboard with bags of 'Bo
for me. And I love them for it.
As for
how this particular hoarding came about I'm not entirely sure. I've
always been a fan of Harry Bo [that's how I pronounce it, like he's
an actual fucking person], it's the perfect
post-extra-long-cigarette-eating-snack. But the catalyst for me
starting this collection is completely lost on everyone including
myself. Kids, don't do drugs!
I'm not
really fully aware as too how long this particular 'obsession' has
been doing on either, what I'd guess anywhere between three to five
years. People often ask me what I'm actually going to do with empty
packaging of Haribo bags, and I'm not sure about that either.
But
while my memory is fogging over the inception of this 'obsession', I
have an extremely good grasp of the bags I've collected. I have
loads, the picture featured is about 70% of what I have. There are
some doubles, due to me changing the way I open the bags; I went from
opening them like a normal person to cutting them open from the back
with scissors to make sure the front stays intact [dedication]. But I
can usually tell within an instant if I have a particular bag or not.
In the world of collecting bags of 'Bo, that's like the best skill to
have.
So to
summarise; I don't know why I started this, I don't know when I
started this and I don't know how it'll end. Upon discovering this
revelation, I'm slightly unnerved by my actions and I'd rather not
talk about it anymore because if I delve deeper I don't know what
underlying causality is actually taking place here and I'd rather not
find out.
Object
of Affection #1; Cup & Spoon
 |
| "Mmm... brown stained Simpsons mug" |
If I've
lived with you in the past or you've ever come to my house for a
cuppa, you'll know about this; but I rarely wash my cup and spoon.
This pairing is my exclusive tea drinking equipment. Nobody else uses
it [no surprise there].
I know
from numerous reactions that most people find this “disgusting”.
In my old job, I had the exact same set up; big Simpsons mug that I
never washed, so if I had a holiday/time-off, staff members would
bleach my cup in my absence [the bastards!].
Once
again, I'm not sure how this started. I'm never writing an
autobiography, as I seem to have little memory of my own fucking
life, apparently. This 'quirk' has been going on for as long as I can
remember though.
Eventually
the pairing does get washed, if I was to hazard a guess; I'd say
three or four times a year, or whenever the mood takes me. What's
weird is I'm generally quite a neat freak, I won't use cutlery or
crockery that isn't perfectly immaculate, but when it comes to my cup
and spoon, I don't have any hang-ups what so ever.
In my
opinion, tea tastes really good from this filthy mug and on this rare
occasions it's clean, tea lacks something. Maybe it's all in my head,
or maybe I'm the only person in England drinking tea properly.
Quirk
#1; The Ring-pull Turn
 |
| This reminds me to buy more beer. |
I don't
have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but this trait is as close to OCD
as I get. I'm quite found of my canned beverages, I drink from four
to twelve a night depending on my mood. But as soon as I crack open
that sweet amber nectar and the head squirts out of the hole like a
successful “pull-out”, I'll always turn the ring-pull.
I know
exactly where and why this quirk was birthed [surprised myself
knowing this, to be honest]. In my younger adolescent days when I
used to have bottle tops tied to the laces in my trainers; I spent
the majority of my free time with my friends in a caravan getting
high and drinking beers like gypsies. In that situation it soon
became important to lay claim to what was yours; lighter, tobacco,
beer. This is where I came up with the ring-pull turn. It followed
into later life in university dorms and student houses, but now it's
still with me, even as I drink alone, every night, crying at what my
life as become. Woe is drunken me.
So there
we have it, three things that I thought were normal, but after
thinking about them for this blog post, I'm really starting to think
I need to seriously re-evaluate my life.
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