Something NEW, Just For YOU

Well I’m back, not that I ever left, but anyway, I’m here again, I suppose.

A handful of people have been asking when I’m going to write something new so I thought I would. Not that I have anything to write about, but hey, you probably have nothing better to read, that’s why you’re here.

I’d like to respond to some recent allegations made about me, so that’s what I’m going to do;

“I’ve got nothing to write about.”
Although this is sometimes true, seeing as I just stated that myself a couple of milliseconds ago, it’s not always the case. There’s always something to write about, it’s just that I can’t be bothered sometimes. I do have a life; a job, university, a girlfriend (sorry ladies ... and a couple of blokes) and a severe drinking problem. These things do take up a lot of my personal time, so there’s not always hours in the day to sit at my shitty PC (that’s inching ever-so-fucking-close to me kicking 50 Gigabytes of shit out of it) and come up with ideas and funny little things to rant about. Plus people only ever want to talk to me about my Blog when I haven’t done anything for a while, example; “You haven’t written anything in a while.” Fuck you! Where’s your fucking Blog? I never get positive feedback, I never hear; “Really liked your last Blog.” Instead I get; “You haven’t done much recently, and what I have read wasn’t that good.” Ins-fucking-piring moral building technique there! Let me just clarify that I’m not a fucking dancing monkey you flick peanuts at! I’m a fucking person, that has a hobby in writing, you don’t tell me when to write or what to write. All you do is sit on your fucking arse and read what I write and maybe chuckle if you find something funny.

“I’m not as funny because I’m happy.”
This little comment started to rear its ugly face about four months ago when I started going out with my girlfriend, because heaven forbid I get myself into a normal relationship. People say that misery loves company, they’re wrong, misery inspires comedy. I’ll be the first to admit that misery does make me a funnier person, but just because there’s no misery in my love life (yet), doesn’t mean I’m a happy go lucky person all of a sudden. I’m a miserable person, there’s always something that will bring misery to me. If I was ever to reach a point in my life were I was truly happy, I’d climb a high building and declare it to the world then jump to my death. Because happiness is a fleeting thing, a bit like diarrhoea, one day you have it, the next day you don’t. Gone in a flush. So if I was to ever be truly happy with my life, I’d end it, because unlike that song, things could only get worse. Happiness could only turn back into misery, so you may as well go out on top like a drug addled prostitute doing the reverse cowgirl position on a client as her heart stops.

Anyway, it’s nice to be back. And it’s nice to be able to post something for all you guys to be critical about. I’m looking forward to the feedback. I understand it’s not much, but it’s just something new for you. And while it not measure up to previous Blogs, soon enough this dancing monkey will be entertaining you again, so next time bring some fucking peanuts.