Yesterday I read a news article (get me!) that proclaimed that the wife of David Cameron is pregnant. So, due to the fact I want to seem as if I’m on the pulse of current news topics and give the overall impression that I can be topical on this Blog, I decided to put together a list of reasons of why Samantha Cameron should abort that little bundle of joy promptly. For those that don’t know ‘SamCam’ (as some newspapers deem her, although to me SamCam sounds likes a porno-star’s website that features a live sex show broadcast via their webcam) and the evil one (David Cameron) have had three children already; Ivan Reginald Ian, Nancy Gwen and Arthur Elwen. Three children that have the combination of seven names! Although Ivan Reginald Ian died, so now they have two children that have the combination of four names.
1 – No Father Figure
Although sick slowly creeps up my throat as I write this; it is extremely possible that David Cameron will win the next election. This is going to make him an extremely busy man, the NHS isn’t just going to privatise itself you know! Therefore he’s not going to be around to help raise this child. If a child doesn’t have a father figure then it grows up unguided, into being a cynical bastard that writes hateful Blogs about people he/she doesn’t know, just for attention … so I heard somewhere.
2 – One Less Tory
I think we all can agree that The Conservatives are cunts. Yet, in a little over 18 years this foetus that is currently growing in SamCam will have the ability to vote, and who do you think it will vote for? Daddies group of friends, of course. It is important to stop people voting Tory early on in life, and what is possibly earlier than abortion? Stopping the conception of a Tory-baby is the only action that can be taken earlier than abortion, but that is extremely difficult. So one abortion = one less vote for The Conservatives, its simple maths.
3 – The Photo-Op Tot
Lets face facts here, if this little bugger is born it will receive the best education money has to offer, the kind of education that is so far beyond what any of us received we can’t even imagine the intricate details discussed as it would blow our minds right open and brain matter would ooze down our backs. The thing is, one day this child is going to put two and two together and realise that the only reason it was conceived was as a ploy to get votes. Of course growing up to become Tory scum it is likely that the child will come to this conclusion and say; “Father, I have been deep in thought about my conception and have come to the conclusion that the only legitimate reason for my existence to come about was for you to garner more votes at the 2010 election. I must say this was an excellent idea on your part, old chap. What a brilliant way to deceit the voters into selecting The Conservative Party. Heil Thatcher!” Although the opposite is also possible, if the child grows up and is able to keep in touch with its emotions (rare for most Conservatives I know, but it’s probable) and then comes to this conclusion, the child could become so distraught by this fact that it could commit suicide, as it’s life means nothing and it was simply a pawn on the chessboard of political one-up-man-ship. That’s no life for a child! Best to end it now with an abortion, before this horror unfolds.
4 – Over-Population
This kind of connects to something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Basically to get us out of this economic gloom I believe that couples (and slutty girls) should be limited to the amount of children they have in order for the country to get back on track. [This will be discussed at further length in an upcoming Blog … so I’ll convince you then]
5 – This Child could be the Anti-Christ
I firmly believe that when/if the Anti-Christ is conceived it will be by the seed of a Tory. Now I’m not too hot on my Biblical scripture but I do believe the Apocalypse reads like this;
“The world shall come to its end when the tides begin to rise. The Anti-Christ will be conceived on the Eve of an Election by a loyal servant of the Devil. The loyal servant will be congratulated for his role with a position of power, with this he will bring about a reign of terror across the lands. Blood will run through the streets, house prices will go up, the poor shall be slaughtered as offering to Satan. Then the Anti-Christ shall be born, slicing its carrier in two, the Anti-Christ will then feed upon the body of its mother. The loyal servant will pass down the power to the Anti-Christ, upon this happening the Anti-Christ will proclaim; ‘The End is nign, it’s time to motherfuckin’ die!’ And the world shall be engulfed by hell.”
… or something like that. It’s best not to take a chance and abort it now if you ask me.
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