So,
I was recently in a branch of the UK's most popular book store, and
to save them getting any free publicity let's just call it
'H2O-pebbles' when I unintentionally overheard a conversation between
a couple, that got me slightly irked.
Now,
I understand that H2O-pebbles is not a library, although enough
people treat it like one. But there's that unwritten rule that you
should keep your voice a few decibels below your usual inside voice,
yet this couple didn't seem to follow that rule. That fact alone made
it easier to hear what these two fuckwits were talking about.
At
first I attempted to block it out as I rooted around for belated
Christmas presents [yeah, don't you wish you were in my
inner-circle], but they kept congregating around my general vicinity,
like flies to shit [could have picked a better metaphor that didn't
label me as shit]. It didn't take me too long to clock on that these
two were either on the cusp of getting into a romantic relationship
or had just began one.
The
biggest tell tale signs was their inability to stand in silence.
Because when you've been together for a while there's no need for you
to open your pie-hole and let a random barrage of words waterfall
from the back of your throat. I do understand that in new
relationships silence is deadly, it needs to be filled with inane
chatter … “Have you read this book...”, “I heard they made it
into a film...”, “Hey, that moody looking geezer looks irked that
we're talking TOO FUCKING LOUDLY...”.
That's
fine. Do what you gotta do, love birds, just do it quieter and away
from me, please.
But
the metaphorical straw that broke the metaphorical back of the
metaphorical camel was when the female said; “Will you explain
Breaking Bad to me, I was texting you when I was watching it so I
kinda lost track.”
For
some reason, unbeknownst to me, instead of giving the correct
response; “No, you silly bitch, go back and watch those episodes
again, in fact, what the bloody fuck are we doing in H2O-pebbles if
you haven't watched those episodes of Breaking Bad I suggested?” [I
myself would have thrown a couple of C-words in there too, to be
fair] and breaking her fingers to stop her texting in future, the guy
actually starts to catalogue what happens like a spineless,
pussy-whipped C-word!
Deep
down, I know this shouldn't frustrate me to the levels it does, but I
can't help it. Honestly, this really fucking frustrates me.
Breaking
Bad is a masterpiece of television and deserves to be treated as
such.
You
wouldn't describe a Picasso; “Well it's all like square bits and
the faces are all mixed up and weird.”, you'd simply show it to a
person. Just as you wouldn't half-heartedly hum a Beethovan symphony,
instead you have the person listen to it. Breaking Bad is the same,
you have the person watch it, for Heisenberg's [read as Christ's]
sake!
I
sincerely hope they went home and he [A] Clockwork Orange'd her [Ludovico
technique scene, not the "Singin' in the Rain/Rape" scene]. If he didn't I
hope they have a truly unhappy life together and they spawn stupid
children that struggle to tie their shoelaces and get bullied everyday by my kids; Walt, Jesse and Saul.
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