Oak Furniture Land Customer Complaint

To whom it may concern,
Hello, although I've never purchased anything from your company before, I often frequent your store with fellow family members. As I'm in decent enough shape to help the majority of my decrepit family members – Hey, I suppose I'm just a decent guy.

My major concern with your business is your employees. I acknowledge that installing a strong sense of customer service is vital, I myself have spent many years in retail and understand continuing to deliver high standards is extremely difficult, so sometimes I'll allow a slip up here or there, but the level of outlandish stupidity on the part of some of your staff verges on totally inexcusable.

The first example of terrible customer service happened when I was in store with my uncle, he was after a new dining table and chairs. We had been viewing for a while and had noticed two of your employees; both male; one young skinny and an elder gentleman slightly more rotund simply talking amongst themselves and being of no help whatsoever. My uncle had a couple of questions about a dining set, so he approached the younger gentleman, and before he could grab his attention, the young man spouted out; “Gold for the price of silver” in a pirate voice while having his right hand in the shape of a 'hook'. Obviously my uncle took great offence to this as he's missing his right hand. He lost it in a freak accident as a youth has been bombarded with pirate jokes for a large potion of his life. Clearly your staff think it's totally acceptable to notice a disabled customer and make jokes about it as that customer walks around your store. This is absolutely despicable. What does this employee do on his break; flatten the tyres of cars parked in the blue badge spots out front?

Obviously, at this point, we left the store.

I returned to your store begrudgingly with my younger sister as she was after a closet. The two gentlemen from before were once again working, I had told her we would be better off finding other members of staff to help deal with her needs but she was adamant they help her. So I simply left her to it and watched on... in amazement. Your two employees simply played a little cat and mouse game around the closet; knocking on it and alluding to the fact that someone's inside it, obviously by this point we didn't know my sister was a lesbian, she only came out the next day... in her suicide letter. Clearly pushed over the edge by your employees tormenting her sexuality. This is despicable, luckily it was my least favourite sister, but I'm still quite torn up about it. 

Your two employees come take a break from insulting customers and chat about how great UKIP is [probably].

 

Just recently, despite my best efforts to encourage him to go to IKEA, my granddad wanted to visit your store – luckily for you he's a massive racist. And to my surprise I still see you have this double act still on your payroll. Due to my past encounters with them I simply tried to avoid them and did quite successfully until I lost my granddad. The store was busy and he was tired so he was having a sit down to recharge his batteries. By the time I found him, the elder employee was pulling at his beard. Look, I don't want to blow this out of proportion but that's physical assault on an OAP! That's unjust in normal society not only when you are at work! You can't employ people that lay their hands on your customers, that's simply a fact of working in retail! I'm calling for the gentleman in question to be fired, immediately!

I understand in a world that many think “political correctness” has “gone mad”, but your staff have managed to offend paraplegics, homosexuals and the elderly, I'll be sure to ring the store ahead of time if I ever have to visit with a friend of non-White ethnicity so you can knock up a few burning oak wood crucifixes and construct some Klan outfits in time.

Good luck peddling your over-priced wood to able-bodied, straight, middle-aged people.