So after my hair got so long, that it started to curl out and make me look like an even bigger idiot than usual. I took it on myself to dig deep into my overdraft to pay someone trained as a barber to cut my bird’s nest of a hairdo.
As I waited in the barbers as the customers before me went ahead and got their hair cut. I sat reading through the previous day’s newspaper, by reading I mean looking at page 3. Once it was my time to sit in the barbers chair, I realised my barber was bald. Now this should have set off alarm bells in my head, why would a barber be bald? Surely a man that dedicates his income to cutting hair should have so pride in his own hair. But instead of this I sat there wondering how to explain what I wanted doing to my hair.
The matter is I just wanted it trimming at the front and plenty taking off the side and back, the same style as what I had ... but shorter. I attempted to explain this to the barber and he seemed to understand or at least that is what I thought.
But has he took his scissors and began to cut my hair, first trimming, then cutting and before I knew it I had no idea what had happening. This wasn’t what I asked for at all.
Not too mention the conversations that took place in the barber’s was extremely belittling. I had previously stated to the gentleman cutting my hair that I’m a University student that works part-time at a supermarket. As usual you have to banter with people cutting your hair, maybe this is the reason my hair turned out so bad, I lead such an interesting life that the barber was districted from his job by my fascinating life, or maybe he was just shit at his job. Then when a new customer entered the shop, and proceeded to have his hair cut by the other barber. They then entered a jolly conversation about how University is not needed nowadays. How delightful, a man that cuts hair and his customer (who, from what I could gather about him from his hectic day to day schedule was either a millionaire; that had no need to work, or unemployed. And he wasn’t dressed like a fucking millionaire) discussing how higher education is not needed! It really made me happy that I’m receiving higher education.
The unemployed/millionaire man’s barber then proceed to give his opinions on how to get a job. “Nowadays you have to start at the bottom and work your way up in a company, I mean people stacking shelves at Sainsbury’s aren’t going to make it anywhere ...” at this point he clearly reminded himself that I worked in a supermarket, and ended his statement with “... not that there’s anything wrong with working in Sainsbury’s.” Nice one mate, don’t offend one of the only two customers you have in your shop.
By the time my hair was cut, I was unimpressed, but I’m not one to cause a scene so I plastered on a fake smile. He then asked “Do you want anything in the back?” I’ve never been a fan of having shapes shaved into the back of my head. I have this massive fear that if I was to have shave shapes, lines or possibly a corporate logo into the back of my head I may be seen as a complete fucking moron by society. Of course this is because I look down on these people, I know some barbers are fantastic at doing it and it takes real skill. But it takes skill to enslave a population, I still look down on people that do that. And if I was ever delusional enough to have anything shaved into the back of my head, why on Earth would I want a barber that struggles to complete a dry trim successfully!?
So I paid the man his well-unearned money walked out of the barbershop and put my hat on.
So, I know have this problem with my hair, I hate it! I’m too cheap to go somewhere else and pay for someone else to cut it again, so it’s staying how it is. I went six months without a haircut before; I’m not having two haircuts in the space of six days! So I’ve decided to deflect attention from the hair on my head by not shaving my face.
I have attempted to grow a beard in the past and it’s never worked well. For some reason the hair grows more on my right-side than the left. Nobody knows why, it’s been baffling scientists longer than AIDs. The thing is because I’ve tried to grow a beard before I have a bunch of witty comeback stored up to fire out at people, I don’t have the same ammunition for defending my hair. But this seems to have backfired slightly, nobody is even commenting on the beard. Nobody is making wisecracks at my expense. And I’m actually quite offended, because currently the amount of facial hair I have on my face is more than ever (which you have to release is still not much by a normal man’s standard) and people aren’t even noticing it.
My beard is so pathetic that people are not willing to take the piss out of it. It’s similar to making fun of Gordon Brown, why do it anymore? He’s just so pathetic, you actually feel sorry for him. My beard is Gordon Brown! Pathetic!
The moral here is, in case you missed it; don’t trust a bald man to cut your hair. If they take no pride in their own hair, they not take pride in yours (and I heard they vote BNP*)!
*Actually I have no proof of this.
No comments:
Post a Comment