Wigganometry: An Introduction on how to be a Wigger

This short and simple course has been developed to help eager wigger-wannabes increase their knowledge of how to be a wigger. Seeing as this is simply an introduction, we’ll cover three aspects of being a wigger; dress, mind-state and terminology (for beginners). If this course is completed we can then move on to Advanced Wigganometry.

Firstly you need to look the part. It is important that you dress in clothes that are too big for you. If you want to be a real wigger, every piece of clothing you own must be at least three sizes bigger than you need them. So throw out anything you own that is ‘normal’ size. It is also worth noting that your jeans must hang below your boxer shorts. Brands of clothing to look out for are FUBU and Rocawear, or anything else rappers were wearing circa 1998.

After you look like a real wigger you need to get into the same mind-frame as one. This means listening to gangsta rap. Now gangsta rap is a big and varied genre of hip hop and dates back to before you were born. But seeing as you are attempting to be a wigger we are going to not look at the classic artists such as NWA, instead you are going to look (and listen) to artists such as 50 Cent, Cam’ron, Cassidy and any artists that are currently putting out gangsta rap. It is also important to hold Tupac Shakur (a/k/a 2Pac) up as a God to yourself. You should worship him as if he was the return of Jesus. Don’t ever question anything he has said and defend him until you get your ass beat. No matter if intelligent people are attacking him for doing ballet as a child you must remain true and keep saying “He kept it real!”

Terminology
There is some important terminology you must get used to. Here we have provided a few examples that you should incorporate into your everyday conversation.

My ‘hood.
This refers to your neighbourhood or street, where you live.
Example: “That shit isn’t fly in my ‘hood”

Bling.
This refers to any jewellery you have, no matter if it’s real or simply plastic, it’s still bling.
Example: “Yo my nigga, that bling is off da hook!”

Fo’ Shizzle.
This means “for sure”. Made popular by recording artist Snoop Doggy Dogg.
Example: Wigger #1 “You gunna by at the club tonight?”
Wigger #2 “Fo’ shizzle!”

Phat.
Pronounced like “fat”, but means quite the opposite. If something is phat, it is good.
Example: “My new kicks are phat!”


And that concludes the introduction to Wigganometry. Put everything you have learned into play and I’ll see you at the course for Advanced Wigganometry. Peace out, my Wiggers!