The Funny Side of Terrorism

You may think clowns are harmless, but they’re not. I recently learned that behind that make-up and underneath those baggy clothes is a terrorist. All clowns are terrorists!

I understand that because of Americanism and the media that many of the population believe that a terrorist has to be a Muslim, but this is not the case; anyone can be a terrorist... Timothy McVeigh? or the I.R.A?

So let me just make it clear, that clowns have no ties to any religion. What most people (who aren’t clowns) don’t know is that almost 98% of clowns are linked by secret societies. The biggest being ‘The Clown Conglomerate’ (or ‘CC’ for short).

The CC was first put together in the Medieval Times by Jesters, it has since grown and spread. Sectors have been set up all over the world and all answer to the headquarters, which are believed to be in the Kent area, but nobody is sure (apart from those clowns at highest level of The CC).

The Clown Conglomerate used to be all about how to be a clown, how to make children laugh and what-not, but around 14 years ago a clown by the name of Bibbles became the head of The CC. Bibbles took it upon himself to begin spreading his ideology (“putting the ‘fun’ into fundamental”) about how clowns are the chosen ones. That humour is the greatest emotion that people can feel, better than love, and that seeing as clowns made people laugh, they were the most important people to walk the face of the Earth.

His ideas began to spread. Secret clown conferences were held all over the world with Bibbles addressing fellow clowns. He was looked upon to be a saviour to clowns, in a world were clowns were becoming less popular and coulrophobia was rife actions were needed.

The turning point was when Bibbles addressed a gathering of 3,000 clowns, which were made up of clowns from all over the world that headed up their countries particular sector of The Clown Conglomerate. He made a Hitler-esque speech that would go down as the major turning point for clowns all over the world. He ended it; “So people are coulrophobic! So people are scared of clowns? They’re scared of the chosen ones? Well we’ll give them something to be scared of ... laughing so hard they’ll piss their pants in public!”

From that moment on clowns across the globe started developing terrorist plans to launch on the innocent public. These would be none violent attacks, instead they were “attacks of laughter” (said Bibbles). The idea was to somehow remind the people of the world that clowns are funny. Clowns in Sri Lanka developed a belt that was packed with light explosives and bombs of confetti, the idea was that clowns would wear these belts on busy buses or busy trains and then at some stage in the journey stand up and set the belt off, which would cause masses of confetti to explode from the belt all over the people on the bus/train. They called this belt the ‘Bibbles Belt’, after their ‘great’ leader.

For months The CC worked on plans that would take place on a certain day, a day that they believed would go down in history as the funniest day ever.

With plans finalised the date was set, but before everything went down there had to be a test run.
The test run took place at a British airport. 20 clowns were involved. From what I have learned it went down like this;

At around 10.25 am a mini pulled up in the drop off area of the airport. As soon as it stopped one clown jumped out, followed by another, then another, then another. The fourth clown to jump out had some technical difficulties with his ‘Bibbles Belt’, and it went off prematurely sending confetti into the air, the explosion caused Airport Police to rush to the scene. By the time the 7th clown was out of the car the Airport Police had opened fire. Bullets tore through the clowns leaving remnants of baggy clothes and brightly coloured wigs all over the place. One witness, who was willing to talk, told me it was a “massacre”. The clowns kept pouring out of the car and the police kept shooting. By the end of it 19 clowns were dead and one was in critical condition.

The government decided to act fast and cover-up what had taken place by cleaning up the area and taking any witnesses into confident.

The CC quickly abandoned their plans for ‘the funniest day ever’ and key players such as Bibbles went into hiding.

To this day nobody knew outside of The CC and the government knew the details of this, and I feel I’m putting my own life at risk sharing it, but from what I have gathered (which in my opinion is just the tip of the iceberg) there’s much more to what really happened with The CC and what they were really planning.

Young, Dumb & filled with Cum

Young, single mums! Aren’t they great ... no, of course they’re not.

By young mums I mean any girls (yes, girls) aged between 8 and 20. If you’ve been paying attention to the news lately (which may have been hard seeing as the leading newspaper available on the internet; The British Standard, is down) you may have noticed that Britain is more populated than ever because there are more kids ... having kids.

Now, let me just point out I’m still sitting on the fence about this whole “have children to carry on human existence” thing, to be honest it’s not looking to bright for civilisation so in order to save ourselves we may have to stop reproducing and die out altogether ... but this is a tricky subject and I’m getting off topic.

I’m still in shock over the number of young girls that are having babies, but if you’re stupid enough to fall for “I’ll pull out”, you deserve what you get. But what gets on my nerves a little more is the way that they act once the little ‘bundle of joy comes along’. I’ve heard young mums say idiotic things such as:

“Having a baby taught me how to be independent.”
No it fucking didn’t. Getting kicked out of your house by your parents for getting pregnant at 17 meant that you had to learn how to be independent. Having your baby’s daddy leave you because he’s now a baby’s daddy, made you independent. If you depend on benefits you’re not independent ... the clue’s in the fucking word!

I had a friend on heroin, his parents found out and they kicked him out. He doesn’t claim that heroin made him be independent. And in no way am I saying that being addicted to heroin is anything like bringing a child into the world. Heroin brings you a high and will eventually ruin your life, whereas having a baby simply ruins your life.

I’m independent. I got my independence from ... Education (coincidentally something that young mother’s lack)! I didn’t have to push out a bastard child at any point. I only have my own mouth to feed. I get to do what I want, when I want (money permitting).

“Having a child is the most wonderful thing anyone can do.”
Are you sure? I wouldn’t trust you’re opinion to be quite honest, because your life is pretty much over already. There are lots of things that you can’t do now, so how can you truly be a judge on what the most wonderful thing anyone else can do is?

“I wouldn’t trade him/her for the world.”
Stop lying! If I was in your position I’d trade the baby for a bigger house, an income (a real one, not benefits) and a better looking baby.

“I don’t need a man to help me raise MY baby.”
Seeing as most boys that get these girls into this predicament bail out of the relationship (if there was one to start with) like it was the fucking Titanic going down, the girls often get left on their own to bring up the kid, which to be perfectly honest I don’t agree with (seeing as the way this blog is going I thought I’d say one sincere thing). But this mentality of ‘I don’t need a man’ needs to stop. It’s commonsense that two heads are better than one empty head, even if the other head is empty. Plus it’s just a fucking lie, because as soon as a young mum finds someone to babysit they go out on the town throwing themselves at any man that walks passed.

And I seriously question the mothering skills of some of these girls. I have a lot of ‘friends’ on Facebook, that have kids, and by friends I mean people that went to the same school as me, never spoke to me but added me anyway. And these girls have their deformed offspring in their profile pictures like the baby is some kind of fucking fashion accessory. Plus, when ever I log onto Facebook, there’s always one of these girls that’s just updated her status to something like; “Ahhh, [Insert Baby’s Name Here] as jst spit up all ova da place. [s]he iz sooooooo cute. Lv u babez”, and I’m thinking; “Well what the fuck are you doing telling the world, you dumb bitch! Clean it fucking up! Look after you’re fucking child before I call Social Services! You Whore!!” It’s funny to think it but when you post that as a comment on their status ... they get a little pissed off.

Now, I don’t want to come across as some archaic individual, but I do believe the typical family structure is important; father, mother, child[ren], a dog/cat/[some form of pet] and a mistress (for the husband). It’s worked in the past, it can work again.