Swine Flu, yes I know, I’m sick of it too, but I couldn’t think of any other subject to talk about. This is more than likely the most threatening outbreak to attack our country when compared to Bird Flu, SARS and all those others seeing as people are actually dying from Swine Flu. Yet still, it’s not that bad. It’s not like the plague.
What we have to realise now is that those that are going to die from Swine Flu are people with weak immune systems, the old and the young. So it’s not as if I’m going to be majorly affected by it all, which is a good thing for me, I suppose, or though I was looking forward to having a week or two off of work.
One good thing about Swine Flu is that it may get us out of our current economic crisis. It’s likely that if a few more people kick the bucket from Swine Flu, some jobs are going to open up, so there will be less unemployed, plus some already unemployed people might get Swine Flu, once they die there will be less unemployed. Swine Flu is going to whittle down the population to a point of which we all have jobs leading to a new economic boom.
One thing about Swine Flu, I don’t quite understand is that the tabloids are calling it Pig Flu, as if their readers aren’t clever enough to understand what Swine is. If you don’t know what Swine is, you deserve Swine Flu... excuse me; Pig Flu.
As the country is in a constant paranoid state about anyone close to them that have the sniffles, I’m advising that everyone stay in doors, for your own safety. This in no way is my attempt to make people stay in doors so I can wonder freely wherever I want without bumping into people (who I don’t hate at all). I’m only thinking about you! So if you’re really that worried about Swine Flu stay inside, for your own good.
Wednesday 29 July 2009
Now Employing
The following Blog is an Advertisement.
The Misadventures of Ben Broughton is looking for a young, talented, relationship-minded girl to fill the position of Ben Broughton’s Girlfriend.
You must be at least 16 (for legal reasons), have the ability to hold a conversation that isn’t about shopping or shoes, have some experience of dealing with boarder-line alcoholics and knowing how to cook would be a bonus too.
If you think you have what it takes to fill this vacancy please send us your CV, a recent photo (nude is preferred) and a list of references.
Your wage will be based on how much I love you, although bonuses can be expected at Christmas, Birthdays and Valentines Day.*
The Misadventures of Ben Broughton is an equal opportunities employer.
The Misadventures of Ben Broughton is looking for a young, talented, relationship-minded girl to fill the position of Ben Broughton’s Girlfriend.
You must be at least 16 (for legal reasons), have the ability to hold a conversation that isn’t about shopping or shoes, have some experience of dealing with boarder-line alcoholics and knowing how to cook would be a bonus too.
If you think you have what it takes to fill this vacancy please send us your CV, a recent photo (nude is preferred) and a list of references.
Your wage will be based on how much I love you, although bonuses can be expected at Christmas, Birthdays and Valentines Day.*
The Misadventures of Ben Broughton is an equal opportunities employer.
*If I remember.
Monday 13 July 2009
It's all slanguage now, innit?
Language is a complicated thing. It like us, it has evolved over time. But it seems to me that older generations don’t, excuse me do not like this. For an example, I was recently in a shop and two young boys were chatting in ear shot of me and an old woman.
One of the lads said “Innit”, and the old woman turned to them and said something along these lines; “Excuse me young man, don’t say that word. It is not English, you should speak correctly.” The boy looked bemused at the old woman, as if to say “what the fuck you on about”.
She went on to explain that ‘innit’ should be pronounced properly; “isn’t it”. This is where I decided to chirp up and defend the boys.
I said to the lady; “Excuse me, but it’s not ‘isn’t it’, is it?”
“Yes, it is.” She responded.
“No it’s not.” I replied.
“Well it certainly isn’t ‘innit’, is it?” She asked.
“’Innit’ is the evolution of ‘isn’t it’, but still ‘isn’t it’, isn’t the correct word anyway.” I explained.
“Well what is it then?” She asked.
“Is it not.” I told her.
“Not what?” She asked.
“No, ‘innit’ is ‘isn’t it’, which in turn started out as ‘is it not’!” I attempted to explain. “So if you’re going to complain about the way these young boys speak, I’m going to complain to you about you not speaking correctly.” I continued.
After that the conversation got a little heated and lets just say the old lady had a little fall while me and the two lads ran out of the shop ... with her hand-bag.
Anyway, back to the point of language changing. It’s bound to happen, and while middle-aged, middle-class people think it is a bad thing, it is far from that. The way they talk is extremely different from the way people spoke in Shakespearian time, which proves that language has evolved.
So will people please stop with this bullshit, if young people want to say ‘innit’, just let them. It has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t matter if nobody was saying it when you were a child. Nobody was saying words or phrases such as “email” or “Google it”, but that doesn’t stop you from saying them now, does it?
One of the lads said “Innit”, and the old woman turned to them and said something along these lines; “Excuse me young man, don’t say that word. It is not English, you should speak correctly.” The boy looked bemused at the old woman, as if to say “what the fuck you on about”.
She went on to explain that ‘innit’ should be pronounced properly; “isn’t it”. This is where I decided to chirp up and defend the boys.
I said to the lady; “Excuse me, but it’s not ‘isn’t it’, is it?”
“Yes, it is.” She responded.
“No it’s not.” I replied.
“Well it certainly isn’t ‘innit’, is it?” She asked.
“’Innit’ is the evolution of ‘isn’t it’, but still ‘isn’t it’, isn’t the correct word anyway.” I explained.
“Well what is it then?” She asked.
“Is it not.” I told her.
“Not what?” She asked.
“No, ‘innit’ is ‘isn’t it’, which in turn started out as ‘is it not’!” I attempted to explain. “So if you’re going to complain about the way these young boys speak, I’m going to complain to you about you not speaking correctly.” I continued.
After that the conversation got a little heated and lets just say the old lady had a little fall while me and the two lads ran out of the shop ... with her hand-bag.
Anyway, back to the point of language changing. It’s bound to happen, and while middle-aged, middle-class people think it is a bad thing, it is far from that. The way they talk is extremely different from the way people spoke in Shakespearian time, which proves that language has evolved.
So will people please stop with this bullshit, if young people want to say ‘innit’, just let them. It has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t matter if nobody was saying it when you were a child. Nobody was saying words or phrases such as “email” or “Google it”, but that doesn’t stop you from saying them now, does it?
There is no God, the proof is in Santa
The other day I came to this conclusion, that Santa Clause (a/k/a Father Christmas) is simply a form of the Christian God.
Let’s look at the “facts”. When they are depicted in films, TV or cartoons they are often seen as large white males with long white beards. This was the first thing I noticed. They are constantly watching and judging us, God decides who amongst us will get into heaven while Santa decides which children will get presents this Christmas. So we are taught to act accordingly.
They both have their ‘workers’; God has his angels, Santa has his elves. They are both running their respected fields, they are the top dogs.
As I draw on these similarities, something else struck me. The main thing that they have in common, neither of them exists! Sorry kids ... and Christians!
As I began to further this thought process I began to think that Santa Clause was created as a hint to all of us that there is no God.
Think about it for a second, they have all these things in common. The idea of Santa existing is placed in a child’s head from a young age and eventually they come to know the truth.
This is the same practice as the existence of God, yet there’s nobody to really break it to you or no real way of discovering. It’s not like you can wake up early Christmas morning to discover you’re parents listening to peoples prayers, then they break it to you; “Son, there is no God; we’ve just been pretending to be him all these years.” That can’t happen.
Santa is a manifestation of God. When you discover that Santa is not real, you also discover that God is not real. It’s a way to soften the blow, as it is easier to tell people that there is no “fat man entering your house once a year to leave gifts” than it is to tell them there is no “almighty being that created the world and us, who lives in Heaven and watches over us every second of everyday”.
Let’s look at the “facts”. When they are depicted in films, TV or cartoons they are often seen as large white males with long white beards. This was the first thing I noticed. They are constantly watching and judging us, God decides who amongst us will get into heaven while Santa decides which children will get presents this Christmas. So we are taught to act accordingly.
They both have their ‘workers’; God has his angels, Santa has his elves. They are both running their respected fields, they are the top dogs.
As I draw on these similarities, something else struck me. The main thing that they have in common, neither of them exists! Sorry kids ... and Christians!
As I began to further this thought process I began to think that Santa Clause was created as a hint to all of us that there is no God.
Think about it for a second, they have all these things in common. The idea of Santa existing is placed in a child’s head from a young age and eventually they come to know the truth.
This is the same practice as the existence of God, yet there’s nobody to really break it to you or no real way of discovering. It’s not like you can wake up early Christmas morning to discover you’re parents listening to peoples prayers, then they break it to you; “Son, there is no God; we’ve just been pretending to be him all these years.” That can’t happen.
Santa is a manifestation of God. When you discover that Santa is not real, you also discover that God is not real. It’s a way to soften the blow, as it is easier to tell people that there is no “fat man entering your house once a year to leave gifts” than it is to tell them there is no “almighty being that created the world and us, who lives in Heaven and watches over us every second of everyday”.
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