The Cervical Civil War

After some self deliberation [with myself] I have come to the conclusion that soon enough I will cut off most of my friendships with friends that happen to be the opposite sex.

But Ben’s that’s sexist, you can’t be sexist!

Wrong! I shouldn’t be sexist, yet I can be sexist. I shouldn’t push an old lady down I flight of stairs, but I can. Do you see the difference?

This has not come about because they are the weaker sex, or anything to do with that, it has come about because of woman’s hate for themselves. So they only have themselves to blame.

Women love to moan, complain and bitch, that’s a scientifically proven fact. But the recent level of moaning, complaining and bitching has reached astronomical levels, so much so that I can no longer bear listening to a female slag off another female. Yeah, it used to be funny listening to one girl slag off another girl behind her back, but I think I’ve well surpassed my quota of bitchiness and backstabbing.

The fundamental relationship between three women goes like this;

Woman #1 talks to Woman #2 about Woman #3

Woman #2 talks to Woman #3 about Woman #1

Woman #3 talks to Woman #1 about Woman #2

With such backstabbing and two faced actions I’m surprised Women were even able to rise up all those years ago and stop being slaves to men. What would Martina Louisa Queen and Michelle XX [Chromosome] have to say about this if they were still alive? It’s almost as if women united, got the vote and thought; ‘Well, now we’re equal to men we have no common enemy, hey, let’s hate each other’.

In the 2005 French film 13 Tzameti people ‘compete’ in a mass game of Russian roulette, in which the individuals stand in a circle, each man pointing a gun at the person in front. They all stare at a light bulb, when it goes on/off they fire. This is the perfect analogy for female relationships, but instead of a gun women are armed with knives and they just keep stabbing each other in the back, then they all turn 180 degrees and begin to stab another woman in the back.

No matter how much feminists want to wave their fishy figures at men and blame them for all their own downfalls, women are much more destructive to themselves then men could ever be. Men maybe sexist, misogynistic and chauvinistic, but it is the envious backstabbing of women that is the real problem facing the female race. A male may call a promiscuous woman a ‘slapper’ or a ‘slag’ to his mates, but it’s the friends of this promiscuous woman that will completely character assassinate the poor girl behind her back to anyone that’ll listen.

But why does this happen? We are women so hell bent on ruining each others reputations and lives?

I don’t know, to be honest, if I did I would be able to bring peace to the female kind. I have my theories, of course, but I have things on everything from religion (total fabrication) to abortion (good stuff).

It’s doubtful that there’ll even be peace between women; we’ll be seeing Palestinians and Israelis skipping around the Gaza Strip hand in hand before females learn to stop bitching about each other at every opportunity. The best advice I can give is just remain out of the way of the crossfire, you never know when you could get dragged into a civil war that you’re not a civilian of.

Mephedrone is for Pussies

Yeah I said it, it’s for pussies!

If you are unsure what mephedrone is, it’s a new drug, it comes in a white powder like coke, it is snorted like coke and it’s shit … like coke [yeah, I said that too]. Mephedrone or ‘Homeless Man’s Coke’ [because it’s not even a Poor Man’s drug] as I like to refer to it as, is currently becoming popular amongst fucking idiots. Many readers will know that I’m quite the advocate for drugs but when it comes to mephedrone I couldn’t give a shit. I know a handful of people have died from taking the drug [along with other drugs, although newspaper’s don’t like pointing that out], I couldn’t give a shit.

Apparently Mephedrone is the 4th most popular illegal drug in the UK, what a pity when there are so many better drugs out there.

Just let me point out that I have made this decision on my own, I have not been influenced by a media campaign against the drug. I couldn’t give a fuck what some scare-mongering journalists think about the substance.

The thing is I’ve tried mephedrone and thought it was shit, yeah it got me a little chatty but that’s about it. Luckily for me there’s already a drug out there that gets me chatty; alcohol, and I don’t have to hide in toilet cubical, knee deep in piss to ‘take’ alcohol. In fact I can drink alcohol in a pub with my friends while being stood in no piss whatsoever.

I thought that mephedrone was so popular because it was legal, when it was made illegal I thought; ‘I suppose people will go back to taking real drugs now’. But they didn’t. They continued to take this cocaine wannabe. But I suppose mephedrone is just the new ketamine (remember how popular that was about two years ago?). In about two years, there’ll be something new to shovel up your nose, so don’t let your septum fall out too quickly.

So why is it for pussies?
Look at the facts, it’s known as ‘MCat’ or ‘Meow Meow’, they are some pussy names for a drug that’s [helped] lead to the deaths of some people. Now it’s illegal, users must deal with real drug dealers instead of buying it as a ‘plant food’ from online, and yet although they’re dealing with drug dealers they don’t buy some real drugs; pills, MDMA or coke. MCat is for indecisive drug users. MCat is like a bicycle with stabilisers. I mean, it’s usually fatal when mixed with other drugs because it can’t do the damage on its own. When legal it was marketed as plant food, quite ironic as now it is used by weeds and vegetables, too scared to do some real drugs. Pussies!

*** If you are an MCat user and you have been affected by anything mentioned above I would like to offer out an apology to your mother for raising a cunt. Get a life or get a real drug habit, you pussy! ***

Ben Broughton’s 2-Point Plan to Save the Economy

I know many people that return to read my Blog have been looking forward to my insightful knowledge and rationality being turned towards something that none of us can avoid; the economy. Seeing as last week David Cameron and one of his millionaire, Tory stooges; Jeremy Hunt [coincidentally he is what his second name rhymes with – and I don’t mean front or blunt*] decided to axe the UK Film Council, it seems as if the only way this current Conservative government can make headway is by cutting and slashing anything, like a knife wielding maniac on crystal meth. So, I’m not one to disappoint [outside of the bedroom], so here it is; a couple of ideas that strengthen the British economy.

The One-Child Policy
I will admit that China did have this idea first, but like an MP dealing with the economy at the minute I’ve simply stole it. Of course, seeing as China’s population is now over a billion I’m not sure if it’s working too well over there, I think us Brits could band together and show them how it should be done.

If couples deluded enough to even want children in the first place simply had one child they could focus all their attention towards it. This is extremely beneficial, although I’m willing to take the chance of making Britain over run with spoilt children. Less children means smaller classes at school, which leads to more attention from teachers, which leads to smarter students, which leads to more intellectual adults (as they grow up), which leads to a better society. At the minute there’s some figure going around explaining how many people are going for one job, I can’t remember the figure and I’m too lazy to Google it, but let’s just say it’s 20 people. After about two decades of The One-Child Policy, that number will be dramatically lower and the skills possessed by those going for the job will be much higher.

I know that this policy is going to be met with a massive backlash, I understand that people don’t want to be told how many children they can have, but you know what; life’s shit and if you don’t like it fuck off to France. I also understand it will take a long time for the benefits of this policy to start taking effect, at least two decades but this is just a testament to my future thinking. I’m not making policies that will make a bit of money here and there now; I’m concentrating on the future of this country.

In a time when the media perpetuates an image of the youth being good for nothing, criminal minded, drug addled, scum living life how they seem fit no matter who it causes problems for, they are bound to back this idea. Fewer children means paedophiles would find it harder to kidnap their victims, so to be against The One-Child Policy is just like saying “Paedophiles are good for England” – you sick bastards.

Plus wouldn’t it just be better to have fewer kids around?

Legalisation of Cannabis
I’ve already talked about how the legalisation of cannabis would deflate the number of stabbings in this country. Although have you noticed that the coverage of people getting stabbed is much lower than it was say two years ago? Nobody in the media seems to care about kids killing each other anymore, not since the economical crisis, but either way legalisation of cannabis is always the answer to whatever problem the media is currently serving up to the fearful population.

Legalisation would benefit the economy in varies ways. Firstly taxing cannabis would create an influx of money towards the government, maybe then they can stop cutting jobs in the public sector. Making cannabis legal would open up new business ventures in the UK, following the model of Coffee Shops in Amsterdam, of course the current (and what some may call fascist) smoking Ban would have to be altered with business owners having to apply for a Smoking Licence, so customers would be able to smoke in their establishments. The legalisation would leave the Police with more money to go after and prosecute ‘real’ drug dealers too.

Legalisation would create so much more money in this country; it’s unbelievable that nobody in power has even suggested it.

*Cunt, Jeremy Hunt is a cunt, in case you didn’t get it.