I’m currently trying to make money and I’m going to offer you, my dear reader, a chance to get closer to me, the one and only Ben Broughton (apart from Joe’s brother and that gay dude on Twitter. I Google myself too much).
Let’s face it people, we all spend too much time on Facebook, posting updates, pictures, videos [you’ve been on; I don’t need to explain every single aspect of it]. But sometimes you post something that nobody responds to and you die a little inside [I imagine, it never happens to me, people Like what I do, literally]. But luckily for you I’m here [for a price] to give you the encouragement you need on Facebook [for a price, did I mention that?].
Basic Package:
Add you as a ‘Friend’ [if not one already]
5 Status Update ‘Likes’
3 Funny Status Update ‘Comments’
2 ‘Picture Comments’ [Funny/Flattering; your choice]
Price: £5.00
Slightly-above-Basic Package:
Add you as a ‘Friend’ [if not one already]
10 Status Update ‘Likes’
7 Funny Status Update ‘Comments’
5 ‘Picture Comments’ [Funny/Flattering; your choice]
1 ‘Page Like’ [can be traded for an extra one of the above, if you don’t have a page]
Price: £7.17
Cool Dudes Package:
[This package is exclusively for Cool Dudes, so don’t even apply if you’re not one]
15 Status Update ‘Likes’
12 Funny Status Update ‘Comments’
10 ‘Picture Comments’ [Funny/Flattering; your choice]
5 ‘Link Comments’ [Supporting your stance on the matter, i.e. it’s shit/great]
1 ‘Page Like’ [can be traded for an extra one of the above, if you don’t have a page]
Price: Was £12.99, now only £10.02 [Exclusive Cool Dudes Discount]
Pimp Daddy Spectacular Package:
25 Status Update ‘Likes’
20 Funny Status Update ‘Comments’
15 ‘Picture Comments’ [Funny/Flattering; your choice]
10 ‘Link Comments’ [Supporting your stance on the matter, i.e. it’s shit/great]
3 ‘Page Like[s]’ [can be traded for an extra one of the above, if you don’t have a page/pages]
5 ‘Check-In Tags’ [Basically, while I’m out living my lavish lifestyle; drinking cans of Skol with supermodels and rich tycoons, I’ll ‘Check-In’ to a venue on Facebook, then tag you as being with me. PLEASE NOTE: You will not be with me, this is all a lie to make your life look cooler on Facebook].
Price: Was £14.99, now only £14.98
Terms and motherfuckin’ Conditions
The work I do is 100% my own, you have bought my skills, not me, I will not leave a Comment that you have written for me. If you are not satisfied with any of my work, I will gladly remove comments, unlike etc. but you will never get your money back.
Payment
I only take Cash. No cheques, credit/debit cards, vouchers/food stamps/coupons. Cash means English sterling, that’s English, keep those Scottish notes away and don’t even start telling me its legal tender. I must be paid in full before anything transpires on your Facebook.
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