Where's my bloody BEARD???

Hello my loyal followers, I’m glad to have you all back. Today’s Blog is all about me and my feeble attempt to grow a beard.

Now, I think beards are cool, really cool. But there’s one problem, I can’t fucking grow one. All I get is pathetic bum fluff on my chin, top lip and stupid little hairs on my cheeks. It’s as if I’ve gone down on a hairy obese woman, she’s cum so hard that her pubes have been splattered across my face. Which is not a good look. But what is this need I have for a beard? I think it has something to do with one of the most important people to have ever walked the Earth. He’s probably the most famous person to ever live; he’s a religious character and even has followers, no not Jesus! I’m talking of Adam French. Frenchie (as he’s known to his friends and enemies alike) has one of the greatest beards ever, and I think all the knowledge he possesses is due to his beard like Samson. Frenchie’s beard is so good that he hasn’t had any Christmas presents since he grew it because Santa Clause is jealous of him and his fantastic beard.

I’m all out of ideas to grow a beard. I was told at a young age that once I hit puberty my body would change; I’d grow body hair, I’d get taller, my penis would get bigger and I’d develop facial hair. I’m now 22 and in the last ten years or so, I’ve grown taller and I have some body hair, but that’s it! I’ve tired steroids, thinking they’d help my beard grow, but sadly they just made my penis shrink even smaller. I’ve tried praying to fictional Gods, but still nothing. My last idea (which I’m not to sure about) is possibly tattooing a beard on my face. This kills two birds with one stone; I want a beard and I want a tattoo.

If anyone else has any suggestions, please leave a comment. Thanks.