Today I was in my Advanced Scriptwriting class and the subject was writing comedy. Now this class is usually subdued like a Harold Shipman patient, but today there was a certain buzz about it. Most of the class was excited about the thought of writing comedy. Now this is kind of worrying, as I want to write comedy and so do all these other Muppets. The thing is since I can remember I’ve had people constantly banging on about how comedy is hard to write. I know this, and I understand it perfectly well. I believe I am up to the challenge. At times I’ve had second thoughts, but then I decide that this is what will make me happy. Yet today I had more doubts, as the majority of the class expressed their aims to write comedy. I’d have hoped that the constant barrage of “comedy is hard” would have dismayed some of my peers, but no, they’re clearly as stubborn as me when it comes to this matter, the ridiculous cunts!
This is where the problem comes along. On the one hand there’s me, on the other there’s them. Now, the difference is; I know I’m humorous (you may think otherwise, but you are entitled to your opinion no matter how utterly wrong it is), I’m not saying I’m a laugh-a-minute dispenser, I’m simply saying I’m humorous. They, are not like that, they are people that think they’re funny. You see thinking and being are extremely different. You can think you’re a bird but when you nosedive off of a skyscraper, you suddenly release that thinking you’re a bird and being a bird are completely different as you plummet to your death.
Now I’m wondering in this cesspool of idiots wanting to write comedy how the fuck can I stand out? How can I possibly make my voice heard when I’m stood next to some moronic fuckwit screaming the exact same thing as I am? If we go based on pure visuals they have the upper hand, as they are comically looking folk, not to say they look funny, they’re just funny looking. Yes, I think the majority of students on Media based courses aren’t exactly easy on the eyes, and that’s the politest way I think I could translate the fact they look like a bunch of overgrown Kerry Katona foetuses.
When it comes to writing comedy I shy away from it when it could affect my grade and therefore affect my future job as a runner fetching pompous cunts coffee. For example I wrote a script based around one of my short stories (Mr. Whiskers Must Die), yet the script only had to be ten pages and I wasn’t able to convey the main plot of the story a cat getting killed nine times (cats have nine lives, get it? Good!). So the plot didn’t pan out. Plus, I don’t trust my lecturer to grasp my sense of humour, seeing as when we’re in class he never laughs at my abortion jokes. The guy doesn’t have a funny bone in his body. Literally, seeing as last year he both of humerus’ removed, now he looks like the bastard child of a human and a tyrannosaurus rex. The thing is with comedy you have to take your time over it and nurture it like a baby, but not any baby, not the ugly baby or the ‘accidental’ baby, but the baby you wanted, the one you’re pinning your hopes and dreams on. The baby that’s going to make a success of itself in years to come while those other fucking babies you had slowly bleed you dry. You wouldn’t give your baby to a paedophile; much like you wouldn’t give a comedy script to someone that’s just going to piss all over it. Plus I do get worried about lecturers at times, for example if I was to hand in an excellent comedy script, what’s to stop him from selling it on as his own? He already has all the contacts in the business, what the fuck do I have? Nothing seeing as that bastard has stolen my only decent idea!
Overall, this makes me beg the question; how is it possible for one to stand out in an ocean of mediocrity?
Clearly I need to start putting together a game plan to combat these other ‘comedy writers’, while genocide does have a nice ring to it, I’m unable to commit to such a time consuming practice, also I do believe genocide can be quite pricey.
I could try and persuade my peers to follow a different path, but the likelihood of anyone paying attention to anything I have to say is improbable. I’m about as popular as Nick Griffin at a Black Panthers meeting, in that class room. Plus that would also take a lot of effort and to be honest acting social without the aid of alcohol is not one of my strong points.
The only other plan I can come up with is working hard. And that’s difficult, for example, right this moment I’m so far behind on University work its unreal. Yet, instead of doing it, I’m sat here thinking of genocide. Because anything is better than applying yourself to something that has to be done. I’m more likely to find a cure for cancer than I am to finish my dissertation early. But I suppose these things have to be done, and working hard is the only thing I can do, unless I stumble across some other short cut soon. I fucking hate working hard.
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