A Relationship with God...?

The other day, I took a little break from sitting around festering in my own filth to think about God. Now, I’ve never been a massive fan of the Christian deity, I think this is all down to the fact that all this religious stuff used to get hammered into me while I was at school, obviously when your younger it’s hard to listen to someone going on and on and on and on, about some guy that lives in the sky and watches over us. Yeah, it was kind of interesting the first time, but like with any story or anecdote it gets tiring listening to it over and over again. Through my scattered memories; jumbled up because of severe alcohol and drug abuse, I remember one school assembly in which a teacher was describing someone, going on about how great this person was. The main thing I remember being said was; “this person even knows how many hairs you have on your head” at that point my mind began to envision some type of brilliant magician, that knew everything, I was half expecting this magician to suddenly appear at the front of the hall from a cloud of smoke. My imagination was racing at the possibilities of what this brilliant magician would do to impress the awe-struck audience of little kids. But, much to my minds dismay, it wasn’t some brilliant magician, it was [as the teacher put it]; “… that person is God.” My heart sank, I just thought ‘Oh, him again!’

I’m against drilling little infants … with the ‘message of the lord’, it’s a bias towards which ever religion a certain school represents. As it’s all subject to change, if I was born somewhere else in the world it would be a different deity that I’d have been forced to learn about, such as Allah, Buddha, Vishnu or whatever the Jews call their God. So religion is basically based on region, maybe that’s why the words are so similar. I also remember when learning about God at school, there was a boy that used to get sent out of class, because his parents didn’t want him to learn about the Christian God. At the time I didn’t understand why, now I do, but back then I used to hate that motherfucker, because as the rest of us got bored to death, he was somewhere else painting or drawing or playing with Play-Do, the lucky son of a bitch. This may have subconsciously added to my distain for God in the future.

I did used to pray to God and Jesus at one point of my life. Never thanking him [God] for anything, instead I usually just asking him for things. After years of hearing about all the miracles he did, I assumed because I’d led a good life [up to that point] he’d help me with my requests. I wasn’t asking for much, it’s not as if I was a materialist child, I made simple requests; ‘Please stop mummy from drinking, Jesus’, ‘Please have daddy come home, God. He’s been out for that bottle of milk for three years’. Of course these things never came to fruition as I was going about my relationship with God all wrong. Although I’d had story after story drilled into me by teachers (whom I now expect a large majority didn’t believe what they were preaching, after all these are educated people), I never really realised that I was supposed to be obedient to the lord and thank him continuously for the life he has given me and I should rarely ask for anything as that would be selfish.

Then the other day I came to a conclusion on having a relationship with God. That conclusion is as follows; a relationship with God is like a relationship with an uptight and horrible girlfriend.

Think about it for a minute, before you dismiss such a claim. There are plenty of similarities between the two. For example, you should love your girlfriend undoubtedly, much like God. You should always have faith in both, despite your own opinions. If your girlfriend wants to dress like a dirty slag, you must show your faith, if Christians want to denounce homosexuality; you must have faith in that too, no matter if you think homosexuality is perfectly fine and natural or you think your girlfriend looks like a dirty slag. You must continue to give to both, with nothing back in return, it may be your soul or it may be a brand new pair of shoes, either way nothing is guaranteed in return. Both God and girlfriends need to be worshipped continuously, without question. They always want your money; the girlfriend wants a new dress or more new shoes because she’s scuffed the last pair, God wants your money to fix the roof of a Church so people can stay dry when they pray. You must defend both, if someone attacks your God or your girlfriend, you must come to their rescue. They both begin with the letter ‘G’; God, Girlfriend [yeah, even I’ll admit I’m clutching a straws at this point].

But the similarities are there.

Eventually, after running yourself into the ground you give up, after all the years of neglect from both, you do the right thing and end it with both of them. Because after all that shit, you realise that you’re worth more. You’re better than your girlfriend and you’re better than God. So you cut off ties with them both. You carry on with your life and act as if that horrible girlfriend never existed and as for God … he never really existed in the first place, so he’s easy to forget.