1. Do you drink heavily when you are disappointed, under pressure or have had a quarrel with someone?
YES. Obviously, drink cheers me up when I’m disappointed, if I’m under the influence, I’m over the pressure and what else would I do after a quarrel? Talk things out like civilised adults?
2. Can you handle more alcohol now than when you first started to drink?
YES. But can’t everyone? Let’s face it when you have your first drink [at the tender age of six], you have no tolerance at all, and that slowly builds up over time until you’re able to knock back quadruple Southern Comforts [at your seventh birthday party].
3. Have you ever been unable to remember part of the previous evening, even though your friends say you didn’t pass out?
YES. But my friend’s are complete bullshitter’s, they probably knew I’d passed out and decided to fuck with my mind… maybe that’s it… maybe, just maybe I don’t have a problem with drink and simply have shit friends.
4. When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others won’t know about it?
NO. I want to make sure everyone can see how much I can handle.
5. Do you sometimes feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?
If I’m at a pub; YES. If I’m at the off-licence; YES. If I’m taking a long dump; NO. If I’m at a funeral; YES. Swings and roundabouts; YES.
6. Are you more in a hurry to get your first drink of the day than you used to be?
UNSURE. As I can’t remember that far back.
7. Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?
YES. Along with my actions when I’m drunk, like once when [censored for legal reasons].
8. Has a family member or close friend express concern or complained about your drinking?
NO. Not for a while at least, but there could be a reason for that. [Read the answer for Question 3 again].
9. Have you been having more memory “blackouts” recently?
NO. I don’t think so, but how would I know?
10. Do you often want to continue drinking after your friends say they’ve had enough?
YES. Because they’re totally drunk after four beers, I start to get drunk after six [if I haven’t eaten that day].
11. Do you usually have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavily?
YES. But my drinking heavily and your drinking heavily are three completely different things.
12. When you’re sober, do you sometimes regret things you did or said while drinking?
YES. But to be honest, I don’t remember 80% of what I said, did or brandished at the park to those children and that duck.
13. Have you tried switching brands or drinks, or following different plans to control your drinking?
YES. I started buy extra strength larger and also switched to vodka to get me drunk faster, but I get the feeling that’s not what you are on about.
14. Have you sometimes failed to keep promises you made to yourself about controlling or cutting down on your drinking?
YES. But who hasn’t uttered those immortal words while suffering from a hangover; “I promise I’m never drinking that much again!”
15. Have you ever had a DWI (driving while intoxicated) or DUI (driving under the influence of alcohol) violation, or any other legal problem related to your drinking?
NO. As I don’t drive [a personal choice, as I’m always drunk and would be liable for a DUI] and I’m rarely out in public drunk.
16. Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking?
NO. Gotta have someone around to carry me home or make sure I don’t choke on my own vomit, that’s just common sense really.
17. Are you having more financial, work, school, and/or family problems as a result of your drinking?
NO. I’m having more financial, work, school, and/or family problems getting in the way of my drinking.
18. Has your physician ever advised you to cut down on your drinking?
NO. As I haven’t been to see a doctor since I was 16, but if I did see one I’m sure they’d advise me to drink less, but that’s just what they say. When ever as a physician advised a patient to drink more?
19. Do you eat very little or irregularly during the periods when you are drinking?
YES.
20. Do you sometimes have the “shakes” in the morning and find that it helps to have a “little” drink, tranquilizer or medication of some kind?
NO, I don’t drink in the morning before work, instead I get some hammered the night before I wake up at least tipsy or at most still totally bladdered.
21. Have you recently noticed that you can’t drink as much as you used to?
NO. Don't be silly.
22. Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time?
YES. Last year’s record was 365 days on the trot.
23. After periods of drinking do you sometimes see or hear things that aren’t there?
NO. I don’t think so. But how would I know, if I constantly see it? This question is really tripping me out.
24. Have you ever gone to anyone for help about your drinking?
YES. But it was a barmaid.
25. Do you ever feel depressed or anxious before, during or after periods of heavy drinking?
Before? During? After? You’ve covered all bases there, so basically the question is do you ever feel depressed or anxious? Then; YES.
26. Have any of your blood relatives ever had a problem with alcohol?
YES. They’re all a bunch of drunks.
No comments:
Post a Comment