On My Soapbox; Air-Strikes in Syria

Look, I want nothing more than the end of humanity [we've ruined this world; slowly depleting it's natural resources, halted it's natural growth, extinct specious', murdered each other because of conflicting ideologies/religions/creed/nationality and loads of other shit], but I always pictured some sort of Zombie apocalypse or a meteor hitting the globe to thin out the crowd instead of another World War... but I suppose beggars can't be choosers.

So people, it's time to hug the ones you love, sit down, plunge your face into your lap and kiss your ass goodbye... which obviously you can't do! Because if a human could kiss their own buttocks that would mean, technically speaking; a man could suck his own cock - and if that was the case; they wouldn't rule the world and we probably wouldn't be in this situation. I say 'probably' because, ya'know; Thatcher!

But the world belongs to chauvinist pigs and one of those chauvinist pig fuckers is David Cameron. I love Cameron, he's like the typical bloke next door... if you grew up in a fucking mansion! Oh yeah, not 'love', I meant 'loath', I'm always get those two mixed up... ask my loathly girlfriend.

Anyway, good old Davey Boy has gone full British Bulldog [let's hope he dies before his time, hey, left-leaning old school WWF fans that catch that reference] and ordered air-strikes on Syria.

Look, if you're expecting me to explain the cluster-fuck of the situation in Syria [and that's the technical term by the way], I can't do it. It's a cluster-fuck. I thought I had a decent grasp on the situation until I watched a video on the BBC News website explaining it and was left more baffled after. Basically, a lot of nations dislike Assad and want to see him leave [USA], but some do like him [Russia], at the moment he's fighting a civil war against rebels, one of those rebel groups is ISIS, but nobody likes them. [Fucking told you I couldn't explain it well!]

And now we're throwing our metaphorical car keys into the bowl at this swinger's orgy. Hooray!

Now, I could be seen as a 'terrorist sympathiser' to David Cameron; the 'warmongering death merchant', but I'm not that gung ho about dropping bombs on Middle-Eastern countries. I know I smoke a plentiful amount of marijuana and drink so heavily that each day is Groundhog Day for my liver... but even in my drug addled mind I have some recollection of the UK getting involved in wars like this before... that weren't particularly easy or successful.

This is because wars like this aren't what they were back in the day. Remember the good old days, when you knew who we were fighting... anyone goose-stepping with a German accent... those were the days!

Nowadays we're fighting religious cults, which is what ISIS are. It's usually a term used for backwards ass Southern American that are 'drinking the Kool Aid', but I think it's the perfect description for these guys. A bunch of religious nuts that have concentrated on certain parts of a religious text that in their eyes gives them immunity to do whatever they want in the name of their God. And they're not constricted by boarders. They're everywhere. With a media campaign so well organised that if they ever catch the guy behind it; he'll be granted immunity if he takes a job at Coke or Apple's advertising department.

This is not something you can simply bomb into oblivion. This is an ideology that enlists impression people and basically brainwashes them into thinking through death they'll reach a higher being. An ideology can't be stopped with violence, if anything that only makes it more powerful. This is a new age, I new type of warfare, we need a fucking new approach.

Let's face facts. Air-strikes are going to kill innocent people. These are normal individuals already in the midst of a civil war. Yet they still live on, I'm a fucking coward, I'd have killed myself a long time ago if I was in their shoes... my only big decision would be if I'd kill Fiona too or just let her feast on my corpse.

And for those who reached a point that it got too much and they left becoming refugees, fleeing to Europe, many dying on the journey, come up against xenophobic hatred because narrow-minded fucks see them as the very same people they're trying to escape. Which leads to bullshit like this;

… popping up in my Facebook feed.

In my eyes, if you're trekked a large part of the globe to another country to avoid persecution, you know what, you fucking deserve a house, much more deserving than a person that simply fell out a vagina on this island that can't be arsed to work. The UK has always opened it's doors to people from other cultures and for the most part they thrive here. Years back it was the Indians, then the Polish, now it's Syrians. I'm from a council estate, so I know full-well the biggest drain on the benefits system is home-grown scum, claiming for bullshit medical reasons and doing cash-in-hand-jobs on the side. I know this because they're friends of friends, and I'm always willing to have extra tokes on their joints and more cans of their beer ['honest man's tax reparation!']. I'm willing to bet the same fuckers that were bashing the Indians all those years ago, probably sit down to a nice curry once a week, and go to the Polish shop because they stock Lays crisps and cheap foreign fags on the sly. So fuck it, let the Syrians in, can't wait to try their cuisine... although judging the lives they've had it's probably scraps and shrapnel.

But as the image states “Why are we housing the bastards trying to kill us?”, well we're not are we. Is every Muslim a terrorist, of course not. Just because your dear old gran has been going to Church every Sunday for decades that doesn't automatically link her to David Koresh, does it? So shut the fuck up.

“But Ben, we're letting in 20,000 refugees by 2020, some of those could be terrorists!”

Yeah, it's a possibility.

“David Cameron said there's already been at least seven attempted terrorist attacks in the UK this year that have been foiled.”

Yeah, he did say that.

So what about this;

Maybe instead of spending a fucking shit ton of money dropping expensive bombs on people, we put that money into properly vetting the refugees that are entering the country and seek out the bad apples. While also giving funds to our counter-terrorism groups, because by the sounds of it they're doing a fucking great job. A big personal kudos to you guys. Keep up the good work, you're the unsung heroes for sure. People get behind the RAF, wishing them good look for basically flying a plane [terrestrial pilots do it drunk, it can't be that hard, there's not much traffic] and pushing a button to drop a bomb [pushing buttons is easy, even a moron like me can do it sssuuuccccccesssssfulllllly].

Our interaction in Syria, without a doubt will increase the terrorists attacks in the UK and although our counter-terror groups are doing a sterling job, you can't always be 100% at work, shit, I'm fucking awesome at my job but even I smash a plate or six on a bad day* [I'm a kitchen porter, by the way and not at a Greek restaurant]. And when that happens innocents will die. Just like in Paris. Because we're not dealing with a bunch of idiotic nut-jobs, we're dealing with a cult that's masterminded a plan. They know assassinating key political figures is almost impossible, so it's civilians that die, we will be paying the cost for our leaders' actions.

But that's just to the start of the plan, xenophobic fears will get amped up in the media, many Muslim will feel persecuted by the societies they've spent their lives in. They'll be verbally and physically abused. Most will shrug it off, knowing that they're dealing with unintelligent cunts, but there's a chance all this abuse could push other individuals over the edge and radicalise them. Truth be told if I was a Muslim and I caught backlash from the attacks in Paris, I'd probably feel disenfranchised from my community and seek revenge, but I'm a spiteful bastard that holds a grudge. And ISIS wants civil unrest, it helps alienated individuals join their cause. And the thing is we need Muslims now more than ever. They could be the key in de-radicalising those that have had their mind warped by ISIS propaganda, they could be the ones that reinforce the humility that the Quran teaches. So how about we lay off them and instead embrace them more? I'm an atheist, there's plenty of evidence that points towards Hitler being the same, yet I don't kill Jews or believe in any of his ideologies. No matter what religion you are, there's always some flag waver causing atrocities in the name of your God[s], it doesn't mean everyone that follows the same God[s] believes the same.

I've rambled for far too long on this subject, so here's the wrap up; Assad is a cunt that needs to be overthrown, he kills his own people with military enforcement, that's not how political leaders do thing these days, instead they kill their own by cutting tax benefits and sending the lower classes to wars they have no business in, like us Western societies. ISIS are cunts, and I don't even want to call them ISIS because that feeds into their hands as that's what they want; they want to be referred to as the 'Islamic State' and all of those that oppose them have fallen right into their hands, so they're already winning. Cameron is a cunt for agreeing to air-strikes in Syria that will kill innocent people and therefore probably turn the Syrians we're trying to help against us, that in turn feeds right into the hands of ISIS.

But don't worry, because at the end of the day you're more than likely safe against a terrorist attack. Evidence shows they usually happen in capital or big cities, so the large majority of us are safe [I wish all the cool people I met in London on my last visit all the best].

Before I go, I just want to say; I think a country should only bomb another country if over 50% of it's inhabits can find that country on a map... and if they can't maybe you should educate them to the point in which they can... but I suppose if you did they probably wouldn't want to bomb them in the first place.

As to how we resolve this threat, I don't know. This is a new age of warfare, a new enemy [kinda like al-Qaeda, remember when we quashed them and the remnants turned up in ISIS?]. There is no victory in violence against a cult willing to die for the cause. If our government really wanted to protect us in this time of austerity they'd do more for the poor, more British people will die this year due to low income and a critically underfunded NHS than attacks by ISIS, but that's not important because some brown people have weapons in the Middle-East and we need to kill them. Should we look into where they get their weapons and funds from? No, we'll ignore that and simply let that continue, because dropping bombs is easier than ruffling a couple of feathers of rich, powerful individuals! It is a capitalist world after all, it's OK for ISIS to have what seems like an endless supply of money from mysterious benefactors because if we dig a little deeper it could upset political procedures.

What happened in Paris was a fucking travesty. There's no doubt about it. But the Western World has been fighting Islamic fundamentalists for quite some time and there seems no end and everything seems to worsen. We need new tactics... and I'm not an idiot, they may not work, but we should go back to the drawing board and try again and again until we figure it out. If violence was an acceptable answer 85% of us would kick the shit out of our boss[es], co-workers, friends and family everytime they they pissed us off. But we don't because we're civilised... or so I've been lead to believe. 

*I'm over exaggerating for comical effect, if I broke six plates I'd be fired, they collectively cost more that my wage for a week.

Irking Me Off; #2 The Clarkson Problem

I know I'm a little late off the mark with this one, but I don't have to justify myself to you, so piss off.

I'm not going to sugar-coat this; I fucking hate Jeremy Clarkson, in my eyes he's a Daily Mail reader's wet-dream; a middle-class throwback that thinks spouting xenophobic rhetoric is funny... basically he's a typical Cracker-ass Honky. Along with being a Grade-A Cunt.

Obviously like most people my age I mainly know Clarkson from Top Gear. I don't like Top Gear because I don't have much of an invested interest in cars and even if I did, I still wouldn't like Top Gear. To me, the show seemed like a front for three immature grown men to act like children under the disguise of an informative program about motor vehicles. Hey, but I'm not a car guy, so what do I know? That's right; nothing about cars, but a lot more about decent television. But I'll give the man his due he really cornered the market on obnoxious cunts presenting television shows on motors. Kudos, you cunt, kudos.

Now, although I had this disdain for Jeremy, he never really bothered me, I stayed clear of Top Gear and would put up with him when he appeared on the likes of QI. It was a decent set-up we had working until he went and did something stupid and physically assaulted a producer and after that I couldn't escape the cunt like a baby trapped in the womb.

EVERYONE was talking about him. His face was all over the newspapers and not for a good reason like him dying in a high-speed car accident. And I began to feel like one of those ridiculously priced cars he trails... as I was driven crazy! [Fuck off! You try and write car gags without knowing anything about cars!]

People were debating this issue endlessly.
“Would he lose his job?”

“Will the BBC end Top Gear?”
“What will May and that other fucking cretin do without their Messiah?”

And as this whole debate was up in the air, people were signing a petition online to get him reinstated. Now this is something that really irks me, yes, people have the free will to do such a thing, but guess what; it doesn't matter in the end. Not in a case like this. Online petitions are good most of the time, but this one was totally devoid of meaning.

It's not up to the public to make this decision, that falls on Clarkson's bosses. Not the public. Just because the guy is extremely popular doesn't give him free range to do whatever he pleases. He's been on thin ice numerous times before due to borderline racist incidents and always managed to skate away unscathed, but at what point do you keep letting someone off just because they're a big star?

I saw a lot of social media updates along the lines of; “BBC used to cover-up child molestation but Clarkson in trouble for only hitting someone”. What the fuck is wrong with you people? So what? You want the BBC to cover something like this up when it's someone you like, but not if it's someone you don't like? Because Jimmy and Rolf, were as popular as Clarkson back in the day! Or is this down to the actual 'crime'? So punching a producer in the face is OK, but sexually abusing children isn't? [Look I know which is worse, but you can't simply draw a line and pick and choose.] What if Clarkson had molested a child? Would there still be a petition because what else can petrol-heads watch on a Sunday with Clarkson and his two shadows?

The whole concept of this argument is ridiculous. Yes, as stories of sexual abuse that happened years ago come to light it paints the BBC in an extremely bad light... so what should they do? Punish employee's that step out of line, and Clarkson's had enough chances. Fuck him.

I also come into contact with individuals commenting on how supporting James May and Richard Hammond were towards Jeremy. People mentioned they wouldn't do the show without him... well obviously, those two peons owe their success to Clarkson, they'll ride his coat-tails into retirement. I was once in Waterstones and saw a book Richard Hammond had released; the cover featured a large picture of his face and a little tag-line; “The Funny Guy from TOP GEAR... Includes stickers inside so you can make Richard look as funny as you want”. And there were little stickers that you could add on to the cover to make Hammond look as ridiculous as you wanted... so I stuck the sticker of Clarkson's penis over Hammond's mouth and put it back on the shelf. I don't have any real beef with May, he actually seems like a nice guy, but seeing as he doesn't have the moral integrity to step out of Jeremy's shadow; fuck him too.

Then 'celebrities' started to share their opinions. Rupert Murdoch said something along the lines of the BBC would be idiots to get rid of Clarkson. To me that's a massive vote of confidence for the Beeb, because when the most evil man in the world is suggesting you shouldn't do something, you should definitely do it. Then our very own Prime Minister [aka the 2^nd most evil man in the world] came out and said his daughter had gone on a hunger strike until Jeremy was reinstated. I hope the bitch starved to death for her father's part in trying to sway public opinion in a matter that only concerns him because his friend is involved [this is also the only time a Tory has been involved in any kind of striking action]. Seeing as he's technically employed by us, I shall punch him in the face next time I see him as he clearly thinks that an acceptable way to act.

This is what it comes down to; Clarkson did something wrong; he verbally attacked a producer for around twenty minutes and then punched him in the face... why? Because there wasn't any hot food available at a hotel – download the JustEat app, Jeremy! Yet in the majority of public opinion the producer was in the wrong... that's so infuriatingly stupid I want to punch myself in the face repeatedly under I've lost enough braincells to fathom it but if I did that I could end up liking Top Gear. He had to get sacked from the BBC. It's not as if that's the end for him, he has a following, he has a brand, he has his little two minions by his side and hopefully he also has inoperable cancer.

So it'll all work out for him in the end.

But I hope it doesn't.

The Walking Dead; Black Guy Theory

aka

The Hypothesis of Ethnic Cleansing the African American Male in AMC's [2^nd] Greatest Television Show Ever

Prelude

If you don't know what The Walking Dead is, where the fuck have you been? It's the story of Rick Grimes [played by Simon Casey from Teachers]; a cop trying to keep his family and friends together in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse. A quite-popular and extremely-good comic that became an extremely-popular and quite-good TV show.

Warning

If you are not up to date with the television show, be warned that there are SPOILERS ahead. I also draw on knowledge of the comics, so there could also be SPOILERS from that too. You've been warned.

Introduction

Let's kick things off by stating I love The Walking Dead, love it. Love the TV show, love the comics, love the novels, love playing my TWD edition of Monopoly, love TWD PS3 game, love TWD Assault iPhone game.

It's far from the best show on TV, I could probably list a great deal of TV shows that are better written, better directed and more well rounded than TWD, but I don't love them as much. But there's a thin line between love and hate, so it's easy to pick up on aspects of the television series that slightly annoy me, but as we are over midway through the fifth season, I've decided to present my theory on The Walking Dead... the Black Guy Theory.

I feel I'm probably best to relay this theory as I'm practically a black guy without the correct skin pigment, so here it is; The Walking Dead; Black Guy Theory; One in One out.

Evidence

In episode two of season one [“Guts”], we are introduced to Theodore Douglas, our first major role African American character. Better known as 'T-Dog', and that woefully poor nickname was basically all the character development the guy got. Apparently he was only supposed to be in three episodes, but he stuck around and did “things and stuff” way before Rick Grimes made it cool. By season two T-Dog was pretty much a background feature, in fact I think Hershel's Barn got more camera time. In fact by this point, I even reckon the character had got so boring that even the writers kept forgetting to kill him off. But before season three there was word that that Tea-Dawg was going to play more of a role in the group and IronE Singleton might get some actual dialogue on his copy of the script instead of crudely drawn pictures of the faces he should be pulling while stood in the background. There was even speculation aspects of Tyreese's character [from the comic] maybe incorporated into T-Dog. But instead episode four of season three [“Killer Within”] T-Dog gets sent to the kennel in the sky.

But before Theodore Douglas got caught in that Zombie eat [T-]Dog world, we were introduced to the prisoners in episode one of season three [“Seed”]. The group of prisoners as a whole didn't really last too long due to conflicts with Rick's group, but one that did was Oscar, my second case-study. Oscar, like T-Dog before him was a creation for the TV show, neither of them feature in the comics, so the dullness of them both falls heavily on the shoulders of the TV writers. Oscar soon moved into T-Dog's spot; follow and keep your mouth shut [within Rick's group] and looked as if he be taking up the role of 'token black guy' … until the gang rock up to Woodbury and Oscar gets shot in episode eight of season three [“Made to Suffer”] and dies soon after.

But fuck Oscar, we'd forgotten about him after the opening credits of “Made to Suffer”, because finally, we'd got the male African American character we'd been pining for; Tyreese [played by Dennis “Cutty” Wise from The Wire]. Rick's right-hand man from the comic book, a tough son of a bitch that wasn't going to retire to the shadows like Mr. Douglas and Mr. the Prisoner [just assuming Oscar's second name here, by the way]. From the moment he stepped onto the scene swinging his hammer with such ferocity Thor would blush, we knew we were in for a treat. But did we get a treat?

Yeah, Tyreese was cool and all, but after that fist fight with Rick, taking on a gang of zombies [after they surrounded a car], eventually he kind of dwindled slightly in season four and after the fall of the prison he's left babysitting. He shouldn't be doing that, he killed Chris [a 16 year old] in the comic, so I was hoping he'd punch Lizzie's crazy brain out the back of her skull at some point, but no he left that to Carol and a gun.

But while Tyreese was left – literally - holding the baby we got a new black guy entering the mix – WHILE THERE WAS ANOTHER BLACK GUY STILL ON THE SHOW and it only took them four seasons. Bob Stookey [played by D'Angelo Barksdale from The Wire] drunkenly staggered into the mix on the first episode of season four [“30 Days Without an Accident”]. Now Bob features in the comic and heavily in the novels, so the writers had something to play with, they did alter the character slightly, as he's white in print, maybe the person in charge of casting thought Lawrence Gilliard, Jr. was a Caucasian name and never bothered following up. Bob was decent in my opinion, his alcoholic storyline was interesting [to me at least, but I've got love my brothers in the struggle].

But wait, hold the phone – and not because dead Lori is on the line – because this revelation changes the whole complexity of the argument I'm making, as now we do actually have another African American male on the cast without the proceeding one making way for him. This is true; Rick's list of multicultural friends did allow for two black men to be on it at the same time and this would go on to become the new 'norm', but the one in one out hypothesis would evolve and season four just acted as the transition period. And we make it all the way through season four without either of our black guys dying, in fact they've become strong individuals in the group. But what looms in season five?

ANOTHER BLACK GUY!

Welcome on board Father Gabriel Stokes [played by Detective Ellis Carter from The Wire]. Yes, that's correct, not only do we have three actual African American men in prominent roles in TWD all in the cast at the same time, but all of them are from The Wire, was TWD hosting a reunion party for them? I don't know and neither do I care, I'm not bitching about them using these [very talented] actors from a far superior TV show, I'm just saying if I was at AMC I'm be bringing something else from The Wire … cough-writers-cough.

It's at this point my theory begins to weaken. How can it be one in and one out if we have three black guys at the same time? Well, as I've stated, season four was the turning point of adding another African American male to the cast, but my theory still stands, please continue...

So in the second episode of season five [“Strangers”], we find Father Gabriel cowering on a rock like a typical Christian, until Rick and the gang come to his aid. Gabriel is another character taken from the comic, but picked up in the correct time frame [the comic and TV show run almost parallel, but sometimes characters are introduced earlier/later] so the formula is set up for the television writers, if they choose to follow it. Later in that very episode Rick, Michonne, Sasha, Father Gabriel and Bob go on a little mission, and the later of the group is giving a little speech, always a bad sign if it's out of character for them. And low and behold in the dying minutes of the episode we get the feeling something's up with Bobby Boy. It's the same old story; got bitten but hid it, went to wander off, got his leg eaten by the Hunters, it's a story as old as time.

Bob kicks the bucket – with his one good foot – an episode later in “Four Walls and a Roof” [season five episode three] and the equilibrium started in season four is returned; two black guys. But at least we cared slightly more about Bob's passing, he's played more of a role than T-Dog and Black Prisoner #1, plus he'd actually formed bonds within the group especially with Sasha.

As this is all happening, we have Beth's solo little storyline taking place, she's been taken and has found herself in some weird hospital run by some nasty cops or something, but in this arc we are introduced to Noah [played by Chris from Everybody Hates Chris]. At first I wasn't sure if Noah would be sticking around, I mean he has 'zombie feast' written all over him. I expected him to be in a handful of episodes then he'd be a handful of guts getting crammed into the snapping blacken jaws of a walker. Even after Beth died – yes, white people do actually die too, they're just not so obviously replaced, in fact people of all ethnic backgrounds die... apart from Koreans apparently – and he [Noah] joined the group.

For that mid-season break my mind pondered... will 'so-and-so' attempt suicide... will 'you know, that one!' meet their fate... how will they kill Noah off straight away?

When season five returned with episode nine [“What Happened and What's Going On”] about six minutes in I begin to feel a little uneasy as Tyreese rattled off a little speech to Noah, and as things progressed, things went from bad to absolutely fucking devastating – even once Tyreese was “bit” I still had hope – amputated limbs hasn't played half the role in the TV show as it does in the comics – but eventually we lost another black guy. But it was a meaningless death, we'd just lost Beth, now Tyreese would breathe his last breath! I mean; “What the F... are the writers thinking?”

And now we're left with Gabriel and Noah, two Biblical names to characters that we're highly expecting to meet their maker soon. But who will step in and take up the role of “token black guy”?

Conclusion

Look, I'm not trying to Kanye West it here and claim that TWD hates black people; Michonne has [rightfully] held her place and [somehow] Sasha has survived [until this point – somehow, despite being meaningless]. It doesn't seem as African Americans males have such a bad time in the TV TWD world until they stubble upon Rick Grimes, but when they do they do it seems as if their days are numbered, it's starting to seem apparent that black males can't last long around a white cop... but it is America after all. The TV show just struggles to create a convincingly good African American male to join the ranks – Tyreese came across as an half-hearted go in the end [introduced too late IMHO]– while other mediums of TWD franchise did it successfully with Tyreese & Morgan [comics], Josh Hamilton [novels] and Lee Everett [game], yet their television counterpart can't muster the same efforts.

In conclusion the hypothesis stands true; as soon as one black male is integrated into Rick Grimes' group another one must make way for him and even after the slight shift in season four of having two African Americans in the cast, the theory continues.

The Morgan Jones Paradox

Now, some eagle-eyed TWD fans, have probably already noticed I've neglected to mention Morgan Jones yet, as he's a difficult character to quantify in this whole hypothesis. He is the first African American male character we are introduced to [if he ignore his son, obviously] in the very first episode of TWD. But then he's gone and presumed dead – he is black after all – until episode twelve of season three [“Clear”], when he makes a reappearance. It was good to see the writers had taken time to develop Morgan's character, it's just a shame we didn't see any of it. And then Morgan was gone again, until just recently when he made two appearances [so far] in season five [episode one;”No Sanctuary” and episode eight; “Coda”], suggesting that he may finally link up with Rick and the group. Obviously by this point in the comic Morgan has a primary role within the group, so it will be interesting to see how he incorporates himself into the group on the television series.

The Noah Hypothesis

[POSSIBLE SPOILERS] So, using information from the comics a main character is soon to die at the hands of a new villain, and while I think the writers of the the TV show have made blatant nods to this, I'm starting to assume it won't happen and instead Noah will suffer the fate of Lucille. He's young, he's innocent – so we should care – but it wont have the same effect, in my opinion, but in turn this will open the [Alexandria] door for Morgan to enter.

Milkin' It

I don't know if you've seen the recent adverts for milk but they feature 'celebrities' with little slogans relating to milk. Here's a couple of examples;

“white magic” for that ginger one from Harry Potter.
“milks on the button” for Jenson Button
“keepin' it fresh” for Usher
“pixie drinks lotts” for Pixie Lott

But this one is too far IMO;

Thinking about the Thoughts of a Xenophobic Man

I was at work not so long ago* and I served an older gentleman and we had a little chat. The conversation began with a little discussion about the age gap between us, I can't remember exactly how it went, I've got high since then, but basically he was saying that he had more life experience than me, although I doubt he's ever been on a two hour bus journey with the worst come down ever. It was a light-hearted discussion. I decided to ask him; “So, seeing as you have so much experience, do you have any tips for me?” to which he responded; “You need to move aboard, there's too many bloody foreigners here nowadays.”

This, of course, had me taken back. I'm all for foreigners, I love their food, their attitude and their female sexual organs. It seemed that this gentleman was so nice up until the point he uttered that xenophobic suggestion. I'd have never had taken him down for a man with a predigest against others because of their nationalities, although I suppose the fact he was buying a Daily Mail should have been a clue, he also had “NF” tattooed on his forehead and seeing as he was wearing a Derby FC shirt I'm assuming it didn't stand for Nottingham Forest or he'd be ConDem Government [; that's now shorthand for “holding two conflicting ideologies that will never possibly work together” - mmm satire] – so that should have been a bigger clue.

I kind of just stared at him as he walked away, slightly gob-smacked over what I'd just heard, but then I began to think about what it was that he had said and how it had made absolutely no sense whatsoever. I understand that some individuals do not like the fact that people from other countries move to England and there's probably nothing I can do to change their minds. But if you're not too keen on foreigners and you think they may be hindering society in Britain, why would you suggest to someone that they should move aboard. I'm no immigration expert but I would go as far as saying that 100% of immigrants that come to this country are in fact from aboard.

This man's argument for getting out of England because there's too many foreigners is only going to land me in a situation where there's more foreigners, that is so illogical and ridiculous it boggles the mind to a point in which my brain could liquidise and slowly ooze out of my ears. At which point my zombiefied shell of a body would be forced to mop up the brain goop - as I was at work, remember?

I sincerely hope that the man took his own advice. I would have loved to have been around when he get on the plane at “aboard”, when he stepped off to start his new life only to realise that he was surrounded by foreigners!

One thing that has always made me wonder about Nationalist is how do they feel about people emigrating from the country they're so Nationalist about? For example if the BNP held power in Britain [they never will, this is just one of those really, really, extremely unlikely, comedy situations] would they stop British people emigrating to the likes of Australia? Surely if you're a Nationalist you share views with other Nationalist the world over, you'd want to make sure their country was “pure”, so you wouldn't want to aid foreigners [in this case; British people] from arriving on their shores. If you are a Nationalist/Fascist/Racist could you please get back to me on this?

*Notice this is the second recent Blog about work, I have no life.