My New Neighbour

"Neighbours. everybody needs good neighbours" ... go the lyrics to the semi-popular TV Soap. Yes we all need good neighbours, but we don't always get good neighbours.

Now being such a nice bloke as I am, I've never really not got on with my neighbours in the past, but I know already that I'm going to clash with my new neighbour.

Let me first share what I know about this character. He's an almost-deaf coffin dodger, who loves his garden. And his garden is very nice, I will give him that. If Alan Titchmarsh saw this garden he would probably shoot a load in his Y-fronts. There are two problems that arise because of my neighbour's beautiful garden:

- We share a small fence so we can see each others gardens, and because I'm living in a student house and my garden is basic. But next to his it looks shit. It's like standing your pretty girlfriend next to Lucy Pinder, not so pretty anymore is she?

- Secondly, and more imortantly is my new neighbour has done everything he can to his garden so he is slowly invading my garden! There was a tree at the bottom of my garden, NOT ANYMOE! He cut it down while I wasn't in. I was given a list of items that are inside and outside the house by the estate agents, items such as beds, fridge, washing machine and so on. It's so the estate agent knows what was there and what should be left when I move out. Of course the tree wasn't on the list because it's a fucking tree! No landlord has ever expected his tenants to cut down a tree. Me and my housemates are going to get into some serious shit for this. And there's nothing we can do. We can't plant a new tree, apperently they take years to grow! And I'm sure the estate agents/landlord not believe the sweet old man next door did it.

I'm quite sure when Hitler's first steps to invading Poland was by cutting down their trees! I remember it from History class at school. So I'm ready for a full on war here.