Toilet Humour?

I know this may seem a bit forward but I’m very content with my tiny penis. It does its jobs; expelling piss from my blander and “almost” pleasuring my numerous lady friends, to the best of its ability. But I don’t like the idea of having it out in front of other males, not even young boys.

I know there’s a belief amongst some people that young lads are constantly getting their cocks out for a cheap laughs, but luckily I spent my teenage years getting high, cracking jokes with mates, and seeing as we were all funny fuckers nobody ever had to rely on just pulling their dick out in a poor attempt at humour.

Like I said, I am content, but that doesn’t mean I want other people peering at it while I piss. The thing with public toilets is no matter how content I am or how much I need to piss, if someone stands next to me at a urinal I get nervous. It’s understandable; they’ve just entered my personal space. “Hello, my cock is out, back the fuck up please!” It’s not even the fact that they might see it and collapse in a fit of laughter, rolling around in puddles of back splashed and/or badly aimed piss that’s collected on the floor. That doesn’t bother me, plenty of girls have done it in the past, it does seem to be the natural reaction to the sight of my penis, and it no longer causes humiliation on my part, so I don’t care… like I said; I’m content. But it’s not just other males pissing in my vicinity. In some bathrooms you have those toilet attendants, stocked up with more aftershave than a Superdrug warehouse, and you can just feel their eyes burning a hole in the back of your head while you attempt to force out a pitiful amount of urine that can constitute a piss. They freak me out. Then they expect a tip for handing me some paper towels to dry your hands with (after washing them, the hands aren't wet from the piss – just to be clear). They don’t deserve anything. What do they expect me to say; “Here’s a couple of quid mate, cheers for making my blander empting experience an anxious one”?

Pissing is a private thing, and while it’s taking place I don’t want to be shoulder to shoulder with some random guy. It’s unbelievable how close some guys can get. If someone sits a bit too close to you on the bus, you might think they were a little weird, but at a urinal it’s weirder. In fact it’s an invasion of privacy, I’d rather have them looking through my bank statements or porn collection, than standing pressed up against me. Who wants a random bloke’s elbow knocking their own as he shakes of the last couple of drops? Not me, that’s for certain.

In my opinion it’s time for urinals to be put in cubicles, like toilets, they wouldn’t need doors, just panels of wood between the urinals. This would allow for personal space and would ease ‘stage fright’. As for those urinals that look like pig troughs, they would be abolished. And I’ve even had a cost effective way of supplying the panels of wood needed to fence off the urinals; deconstruct the toilet cubicles. I know it seems a little crazy, as I’m uncomfortable pissing in public, but shitting is so much different. Just imagine a row of toilets, no boundaries between them, there’s so many possibilities. As we know, shits take a much more considerable time than pisses, wouldn’t it be nice to have a little chat with the guy sat two toilets up for you, if you were both going to be in each others company for a while. They’d always be a conversation opener; “So what you pushing out?” Plus there would be no more trying to figure out which toilet cubicles were empty, you’d be able to see which toilets were free with a quick glance. Nobody would be pissing on the toilet seats and if they did (unlikely because all pisses would definitely now take place at the new closed off urinals) they’d feel forced to wipe it off under the scrutiny of on looking poopers. If you ran out of toilet paper, you could ask the person next to you for some. A newspaper or magazine could be passed around; “Here you go mate, read this, I’m off now.” In nightclubs, people would no longer be able to snort coke. One possible problem might arise when it comes to wiping though, as everything will be on show, but if someone watches another man wipe his bum he deserves to be haunted by the disgusting sights he sees for the rest of his life.