How to Make Your Blog More Popular

Hey Blogger, are you fiending for more hits than an army of jonesing smack-heads? If so, this is your lucky day. I know there's plenty of other Bloggers out there offering you up tips, but this is the right place to come. Because I'm just like you, apart from probably being much more better looking and successful with females. But I understand that there are millions of Blogs out on the internet and sometimes it's frustrating that some shitty Blog has hundreds of Followers while you just have a measly 19... and one of them is you! So if you're trying to increase traffic to your Blog to get it noticed, you have come to the correct place.

Get Your Product of There by Any Means
Firstly you need to get the word out there to the public. There are many ways to do this, most of them illegal, but hopefully you don't care about a criminal record. Start off small, write your Blog address on bus seats with a marker pen. Once you've done that buy [or steal] so white stickers and spend a day repeatedly writing out your Blog address then go sticking them around everywhere – McDonalds Drive-Thru is an excellent place to start. Write your Blog address on pieces of paper and go into a book shop, leave the bits of paper in books that follow the same/similar subjects as your Blog. Then step up your game. If a friend passes out around you [due to drinking] tattoo their forehead with a your website – now they're you're walking, talking advert for the rest of their lives – unless they wear a hat! Vandalise a national monument by tagging your Blog's address in spray-paint. Have a child and name it after your Blog; “Ahh... my first son; www.benbroughton.blogspot.com”, that's bound to get media attention, yes your child will be tormented for the rest of his/her life, but just image all the traffic you're going to get!

After a while you may want to aim your Blog towards your target audience. For example my target audience is; Young Offenders aged 14-26. So I often get myself arrested so I can spend a night in the cell, once in the cell I inscribe the walls with my website address. My other target audience is Slutty Girls aged 14-26, so I often go down to the local abortion clinic giving out my card. You'll have to come up with your own ways to promote towards your target audience.

Name Drop Famous People alongside 'Pop Words'
Search Engines, such as Google, can be great for directing people towards your Blog, so mention as many famous people as possible. To set yourself out from the rest add a pop word to it. By pop word I mean something exciting – usually sexually based. For example;

P. Diddy Rapes a Midget
Lady Gaga Ball Fall [a Ball Fall is like a Nip Slip – but it's when a testicle falls out]
David Cameron & Margaret Thatcher Sex Tape Leak

I'll probably get loads more views just because of those randomly thrown together words. You will too. Obviously you can't just blurt them out as I did, try to incorporate them into your subject somehow; “I had a great day today, went to the shop and thought I saw Justin Bieber performing a sexual act on a tramp, but when I looked again is was just a bunch of flowers, silly me!”

Use Interesting Blog Titles
Don't twat about like a twat, get them hooked straight away. For example, I was recently searching for “How to Make Your Blog More Popular” and then I thought; 'I bet loads of people Google that', then I came up with an idea to write my own guide to how to make Blogs more popular – which got you here, that's a victory for me. You see, these techniques really do work, you reading this is the proof.

Free Downloads
Everyone loves free stuff, that's a scientific fact. So just post loads of links to MP3s and Videos, just don't get caught. If you do get caught, don't tell them were you got the idea.

Utilise the Rest of the Web
Bombard Facebook Friends with messages, yes it's a Facebook taboo, but do it anyway. Upload a video to YouTube, that consists of you talking about how great your Blog is but entitle it; “New Blink-182 Song. 2011 Leak!”. Just don't read the comments from YouTubers calling for your execution. Hack a celebrity's Twitter account and Tweet to all their followers about how great your Blog is.

Where's Walters?
Is a stolen technique from my friend Mark Walters, but it is based on the oldest technique for promotion; word of mouth. Do as Mark did and randomly shout out the name of your website wherever you are; at the pub, on the bus, at a funeral. Wherever there's people, there's an audience to listen to you bellow out your website's name.

So there we go, six sure ways to increase traffic to your Blog. No need to send me your thanks. Just send me a cheque.