Common Misconceptions Women have about Men

OK, ladies this one’s for you. I’m not professional when it comes to the opposite sex, but my years on this Earth have taught me a few things and I’m going to share them with you now. This maybe the most heartfelt thing I’ve ever written, so bare with me.

Being bi-sexual is cool
This is one the drives me crazy, when females claim to be bi-sexual when they’re not and even if you are, please don’t tell your boyfriend. Yes, a select few males may think this could possibly lead to a threesome somewhere down the line, but this is not the case with most men. It makes them quite paranoid, in a relationship it’s not good on a man’s ego if there’s a possibility that his girlfriend can eat out girls better than he can. There’s the added paranoia that if you are a bi-sexual girl, you may leave your boyfriend for a woman, which will lead to humiliation and never ending torment for you boyfriend. Seriously, claiming to be bi-sexual puts so much pressure on a relationship; it’s just not worth mentioning (if it’s true).

You have to be thin
This is not the case. Girls that are too skinny are fucking vile (sorry girls). No man wants to feel like he’s fucking a xylophone. A little puppy fat is more than fine ladies. Plus if you’re always on a diet, how can your man take you out for a nice meal? While he’s chomping down on a steak, you’re sat adjacent nibbling on crackers or bread; that’s just not right. Plus if you spend all your time in the gym ... with the beautiful people, he may get jealous plus if you’re at the gym who’s going to do the washing, the cleaning and the cooking?

The balls need attention
OK, this is probably the greatest tip for in the bedroom; leave the balls alone, please. Sex is not a tennis match; you don’t even have to pay attention to the balls. There’s a perfectly good dick right next to them, concentrate on that. Just let the balls do what they do best. Don’t play with them! Don’t tickle them! Don’t suck them! LEAVE THE BALLS ALONE!

You need our input on what you wear
This is a fucking set-up and I’m on to you ladies, so fuck off with this shit. There’s two ways this shit can work out:
1) Girl: “What shall I wear?”
Boy: “Whatever you want, my darling.”
Girl: “You never give a fuck about what I wear, you fucking cunt!”

2) Girl: “What shall I wear?”
Boy picks out any dress, Boy: “What about this?”
Girl: “No! You fucking know that’s not my colour! Do you want me to look stupid? You twat!”

It’s a lose/lose situation. Wear what YOU want. Remember Women’s Rights? You’ve got the right to wear whatever you want.

You need our input on your hair
Much like the last one. Another lose/lose situation. Up? Down? What-fucking-ever! You could shave it all off for all I care.