An Attempt at Being Topical #1

I was just reading the newspaper and I discovered an article about the home secretary Jacqui Smith detailing how 60,000 civilian force will combat terrorism in the UK. Who are these 60,000 people? Security guards at shopping centres and hotel staff! What a fucking relief!

Now I’m not one to bash a failing government, but this idea is shit! Anti-Terrorism training for those people that walk around shopping centres, when did chavs start suicide bombing? When did Nike Air Max trainers come equipped with C4 in the souls? And what’s to say terrorists will attack shopping centres? Airports, the Underground, World Trade Towers … Yes! Shopping Centres … No!

What pleasure would terrorists getting from blowing up a bunch of empty Woolworths and Zavvis? None. There’s no point in attempting to blow up the shops anymore, give them a few more weeks and half of the stores will be closed due to the credit crunch.

I’m interested to know what the ‘Anti-Terrorism training’ consists of, because it’s my guess if the major part of your job is turfing chavs out a mall or placing chocolates on pillows you’re not the brightest wick on a C4 waistcoat three seconds before it explodes. You’ve had some major educational problems at some point in your life. My opinion is the training consists of this sentence; “Watch out for brown people with beards!”

And in the unlikely situation that a crazy terrorist does decide to blow up a shopping centre or hotel how on Earth are these people going to stop them? Will security and hotel staff start packing heat? That didn’t help the London police when they shot the wrong guy in the face! Although I love the thought of a bunch of hotel staff kicking down a hotel door, running into the room (where terrorists are plotting an evil plan), drawing their guns and yelling: “Room service, motherfuckers!!”