There's probably never a good time to have an Acid Flashback but I got to thinking about the worse possible times an ex-LSD user could have a flashback. Now I've never had an Acid Flashback and I doubt I ever will, as I've only done LSD once. I didn't hallucinate, I just felt really euphoric. Although I did wash it down with a bottle of Southern Comfort and I was on my own. Boredom is a disease that must be destroyed at any cost. The other reason I did this is because people seem to like lists, apparently they're easier to read when compared to my long-winded rants that occasionally go off topic, much like this is now, so let's just get down to it;
5) At the Alter of Your Own Wedding
It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life but if you have a flashback whilst stood at the alter, it's safe to say things could go pear shaped. First you just think it's nerves but by the time you've stripped naked, shat into hands and you've smeared large quantities of faecal matter all over your grandmother-in-law [to be], it's safe to say you are experiencing an Acid Flashback. This will more than likely put an halt to the days proceedings and eventually ruin the relationship with the woman that you was to marry, leaving you to die alone.
4) In an MRI Machine
Imagine you've been struck down with some strange illness and you've gone to the hospital for the doctors to figure out what's wrong with you. They've got all their best doctors trying to diagnose you, even the guy with the limp is working on you. They think they've sussed it out and they're just checking your body for anything irregular in the MRI machine, then BAM; you have a flashback. They think it's a new symptom and they go on a new path trying to figure out what's wrong with you. The flashback stumps them and eventually you die of some curable disease.
3) While Sky-Diving
Now this would never happen to me, I'm not into extreme risk taking hobbies such as sky-diving, if I want an adrenaline rush I'd simply inject myself in the neck with a syringe full of adrenaline and kick the wall of the hinges [yes, the wall, not the door, anyone can kick a door of the hinges, it takes a real man to kick the wall of the hinges]. Anyway, having an Acid Flashback whilst sky-diving is going to be shit. Firstly death is inevitable [as you're not going to be able to get a grip and pull the chord to release your parachute – I mean a mental 'grip' not a physical, hand-grasping-the-chord 'grip'], which is good reason for it to be shit, yet the whole process of falling through the atmosphere while tripping your fucking balls off is really going to fuck with your head for the next couple of minutes of your life. You'll be praying for increased falling rate just to end the madness that's taking place in your mind. I'm sure when you're turned for a solid based form to a liquid based form with the help of a concrete [and velocity], you'll breathe a breath of relief – if you could breathe, it's probably safe to say your lungs are so intertwined with gravel they'd be completely useless and you had a Donor Card too – that was pointless!
2) Whilst attempting to Summon Satan with an Ouija Board amongst Friends that Believe in Supernatural Beings and are Extremely Gullible.
If you can't see where this is going you're a fool. So... you're sat around an Ouija Board with some mates that are “well in to ghost and that”, of course being a rationally thinking person you fully well understand that spirits and Lucifer don't exist, you're just there to pick on the others. But midway through, you're hit with an Acid Flashback. Your gullible as fuck mates wonder what the fuck is going down as you spaz out and talk crazy. One shouts out; “He's speaking in tongues!” They all squeal like little four year old toddlers, as they clamber around the room, spilling the Ouija Board to the floor. “He's possessed by Satan”, screams another friend. Then one of your mates [probably the one you secretly hate, but everyone else likes him so you're forced to hang around with him, even though you know he's really a proper cunt] decides to be a hero and come to the rescue [see, told you he was a cunt]. He quickly grabs the nearest heavy blunt object; lamp, bottle, small child, and proceeds to smash your skull open, whilst quoting The Exorcist; “May the evil inside of you be gone, may the evil inside of you be gone …”, he continues to pound away as your brain slowly oozes out of your cranium, forever spouting lines from The Exorcist; “... you're mother sucks cocks in hell!” [see, he really is a cunt]. It's safe to say you're no longer having a flashback because you're dead.
1) When Defending yourself in Court on Charges of being Clinically Insane
OK, maybe the average Joe Bloggs doesn't find himself in this situation that regularly, I understand that. But imagine it; you're in court having to defend yourself on charges of being clinically insane, I'm not sure how you made it to this point, maybe it had something to do with you using shit as paint substitute on your grandmother-in-law [to be] at your wedding. Either way you're there. It's actually going quite well, you're presenting yourself as a normal run of the mill citizen that just had a 'bad episode' once and people shouldn't judge you on that. Then the inevitable happens, you start tripping out, you attempt to clamber out of the witness box onto the Judge's lap, he yells for security, you take his wig and place it on your head, elevate yourself to his desk and begin to dance around like a Native American. Security attempt to capture you, so you try to fend of these 'cowboys' with your 'axe' [the Judge's gavel]. You strike them across the head. You jump from the desk and run towards the jury, propelling yourself into their box, crawling across them as you lash out pain with your 'axe'. Eventually security grab you and everything calms down, by the time you come around from the flashback it's too late. You will be spending the rest of your days in one of those jackets where the sleeves tie together at the back.
So there we have it. Remember children drugs are bad and you should never do them.
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