Minimum Wage Slave

I’ve been in constant employment for seven years, ever since I was studying for my A-Levels, in my own sad way I’m quite proud of this fact and seeing as I was voted; “Most Likely to Claim Dole” in my year at school, I feel proud that I’ve proven my ex-classmates wrong, it’s one of the few things I have over ex-classmates; apart from not having multiple babies (with different mothers), not having been to jail and not having a serious (Class A) drug problem – yes I have my alcohol and marijuana addiction, but it could be worse.

The problem is I’ve worked for the same company for all this time. It’s one of those big supermarkets; I not say which one because I don’t want to advertise it in my Blog (if they throw me some of that money that they pay for Z-List Celebrities to be in their television adverts, I’d probably consider it). Anyway, the thing is although I’ve worked there for so long, I’m still treated like a piece of shit, in fact, I’m treated worse than a piece of shit because pieces of shit don’t just get shouted at for any reason so the shouter can feel better about him/herself. That’d just be weird to see someone screaming at a piece a shit, although it would be entertaining. Take a minute now to picture a gentleman in a shirt and tie, stood leaning over a piece of shit, bellowing at it, tiny splats of spit exiting his mouth as his rage increases, his face getting redder and redder, as the pile of shit simply stays still (it is a shit after all, what else do they do?). Now imagine a fly landing on the shit, the man is still shouting, the fly begins to take off and accidentally flies into the man’s mouth, he panics and chokes to death – it may be impossible, but it’s a slightly funny image. In an attempt of bringing this back to whatever point I was making; I thought that being treated like a piece of shit was just the usual thing that happened when you started a job (at the time I was 17, I kinda believed I’d get the short end of the stick for a while), but SEVEN YEARS (yes, capitals, it’s a long time) later I’m still in the same position. Stagnant in the ranks of a supermarket, feel free to mock my insignificant existence.

Stop the mocking, continue reading …

The thing now is that as I’m entering the real world I desperately need to make more money, living life without student loans is so fucking hard. I can barely understand how people have done it for so long. It kind of makes me wish I’d used those loans a little wiser too. All I did with that cash was fritter it away. I wasn’t even one of those idiots that goes out on the first day (of getting the loan) and blows it on a massive wide-screen plasma TV, now I actually wish I had done that, at least I’d have a massive wide-screen plasma TV in my possession. I wish I’d have gone to the Casino with a grand, walked up to the roulette table and placed it all on red. Yes, I could have lost it all but at least I would have taken a chance to make more money. I have nothing to show for all that loan money that’ll I’ll be paying back for the rest of my life*.

So I have to work for that money, the problem is the more time I spend at work the more I want to kill myself. When I’m at work and the hours slowly drag by, I keep thinking to myself; “I’m here earning minimum wage for this shit”. At times my thoughts drift to me plunging a screwdriver into my temple just to break the suicide inducing monotony. The thing is, I think, no … I know I’m so much better than my job – OK, I’m not going to find the cure for cancer, but come on I surely deserve something better than lugging shopping trolleys around. I’m sure plenty of people think/know that too. But I couldn’t give a fuck about what other people think/know, this is the real world after all now, it’s time to look out for number one. The last sentence is worrying to me, as I’ve just reread it, I’m a socialist and work is making more right-wing the more time I spend their. Although, I’ve never understood why more people aren’t socialist that share my position. The amount of people in this country working for companies that make unbelievable profits but only see pittance, must be huge, yet they all just take it on the chin. For fuck sake people, when are we going to rise up? Make it fast, because the way I’m leaning to the right, I’ll be a full blown capitalist, hell-bent on protecting my own interests, making as much money as possible and voting Conservative by the end of the week.

Growing up I actually deluded myself into believing what teachers used to spout about education being the key to everything, that’s one of the reasons I attended University. But look at me now; working a shitty job and in loads of debt. No career prospects to look forward too. Why the fuck did I even bother? I could have just stayed in my incest ridden town working the same shitty job (that I have now) and avoided this gargantuan debt situation that haunts the back of my mind every time I attempt to sleep. It’s as if a little oager is by my bed, whispering in my ear as I start to nod off; “Think of that debt Ben … You’ll never pay it off … That anchor’s going to weigh you down for the rest of your shitty life.”

The thing is I’m only just starting to come to terms with the fact that I’m going to have to walk down the same path millions of people have walked before me. The same path millions [of people] are walking down now. The same path millions will follow me down later in life. I’m just going to have to work a shitty job for the rest of my days. I’m going to have to swallow my pride, rid my mind of any thoughts of my own grandeur and be ordered around by ill-informed, unappreciative, lazy bosses, I’ll have to work with fellow employees that will do aspects of the job wrong and leave me to carry their weight, I’ll have to take shit from customers and still treat them as if their were some kind of deity that must be praised and I’ll have to do it all with a fucking smile on my face. Grinning from ear to ear as the pennies slowly amount into my bank account because I am nothing more than a minimum wage slave.

I thought there was more to life than this, but I guess there’s not. I suppose I’ll just slip into the life that most people live; working a dead-end job, just scraping by, living for the weekend; getting wasted on what little extra money I have to relieve my mind of the horrendous week that preceded Friday night. That’s the rest of my life in a nutshell. That’s what I have to look forward too, and sorry to break it to you; but that will more than likely be your future too. Of course there’s always the slim chance you’ll get a career, best of luck with that. Me on the other hand, I could win the Lotto, maybe I’ll get lucky and get hit by a bus or maybe I’ll just spike myself in the temple next time I’m work.


*I do have my crippling alcohol addiction, but I don’t count that, it was already festering, it’s just that the loan money took it into overdrive.

I know after a long hiatus, this isn’t ‘very funny’, but as most of my half-finished Blogs I had were deleted, I’ve started from scratch. This was more about me getting shit off my chest. I’ll be back with drug talk and cock jokes soon enough. Peace.