Well in fact, don’t fuck them that would be wrong – and not the kind of threesome anyone has ever imagined with two identical twins. I do hate Jedward, but that’s not their fault. I don’t blame them for that. I blame whoever is behind their ‘careers’. Whichever money-hungry cunt that is profiteering off two innocent and borderline retarded young boys. They’re the real people I hate, yet I’m aiming the barrel squarely at John and Edward.
When Jedward first came about they snuck under my radar as I don’t watch The X-Factor, as I hold the belief that your IQ plummets every second you view that done-to-death popularity contest where talent is OK, yet talent and sob story equals success. If I want to loss a colossal amount of brain cells I’ll do it the good old fashioned way with alcohol or fill a sock with marbles and repeatedly smash myself around the face until I collapse unconsciously into a puddle of my own blood and brain matter. The first time I was introduced to the identical twins was in the pages of The Sun. Thank the media God [Rupert Murdoch] for putting out a newspaper that really is the basis of all British moral guidelines. The previously mentioned newspaper was running a campaign, cleverly titled “Bin the Twins”. It was a rallying cry for its readers not to vote for Jedward. You have to respect The Sun, I mean when they aren’t condemning online bullying that leads to suicide they are launching a nationwide hate campaign against two young men for the simple reason that they don’t sing as good as a couple of other people. If at that point the twins had committed suicide I would have been happy – not because I would have never had to encounter them on my TV – but because the people that contribute to that tabloid would have had to have a long look in the mirror [not their rival newspaper, by the way, the actual reflective glass thing] and really decide what they were doing with their lives. Although as it was The Sun, the headline probably would have been; “THE SUN VICTORY: AFTER DEADWARD SUICIDE”.
“But Ben, who can you condemn The Sun, when you’re doing the exact same thing?”
Well, for the simple reason I’m not a national newspaper. I’m displaying my opinion. The people that read this are likely to be more intelligent then your average Sun reader and therefore able to realise that this is just a comical rant.
What set off my hate for Jedward was their appearance on 24 Hour Panel People*, they featured on the Celebrity Juice segment. I’d encountered them on Never Mind the Buzzcocks before and that was bad, but on Celebrity Juice it was horrific. It wasn’t even car crash TV, it was something worse. Watching news footage from the tsunami that’s devastated Japan is less harrowing than their appearance. I was desperate for a Comic Relief appeal featuring starving, TB ridden children to appear to lighten the mood. It really was that bad.
Now I don’t know how in the modern world we lived in two individuals could be so ridiculously idiotic. I will speculate though. Either; the Irish school system is in tatters and education is harder to get than potatoes were in 1846. Or Jedward were born as conjoined twins, sharing a brain and in the operation to separate them 90% of the brain was lost leaving them with 5% of a brain each. Maybe I’m wrong because Jedward are so unbelievably dense that their whole existence is simply a big act – like some sort of Punk’d episode being played on an international level and soon the veil will be lifted, perhaps at the Eurovision Song Contest, they’ll step out and instead of doing a song they’ll do a PowerPoint presentation explaining how they’ve cured cancer and AIDs.
That act [on 24 Hour Panel People] lit the fuse of hate. But when I develop … or I should say; but when I’m engulfed in hatred for someone or something I don’t simply stop at hating that one thing or those certain people. I go behind all that to what is really taking place. That’s when I realised that someone is behind Jedward; someone is purposely trotting them out to make them laughing stocks, for them to become figures of hate, for audiences to revel in their stupidity. And while Jedward take the brunt, it’s these people in the background pulling the strings that should be hated on. Face it, Jedward’s management are no better than a mother that pimps her five-year-old daughter with Down’s syndrome out to paedophiles for pennies. Jedward are a modern day freak show for us all to gawp, point and chuckle at and while we gawp, point and chuckle someone’s raking in the cash. Surely this constitutes as child abuse. Why aren’t the NSPPC doing anything? Did we learn nothing from Baby P?
*24 Hour Panel People was David Walliams doing panel show after panel show for twenty-four hours. It was broadcast live online – well with a ten minute delay to censor liable comments. It was for Comic Relief. It was unedited.
1 comment:
I was really hoping it wasn't a comical rant, and that it was, in fact, a rallying cry for war.
Jedward, if that is their real name, are two Irish who are famous simply for being two retards with a blind hairdresser. It annoys me how two Irish kids would happily exchange their wonderful Celtic communal oral culture to inadvertently poison Ireland with the same Americanised culture swallowing tripe that Britain has sadly fallen victim to and is beyond recovery. I hope they fail miserably for the sake of Ireland - I think we've done enough to it already.
What I dislike about the Sun, and these 'talent' shows, is their disposition within the center of the British moral and societal paradigms - mostly because they create them.
Anyway. I used to loathe Jedward but then again, I haven't seen them for too long, luckily, and if I ever want to watch Jedward, I make sure it's the one where they do the breaking their legs on stage. I really liked that touch to the song albeit unintended - whichever song it is - whichever kid it is.
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