Why I Don't Like Sharing Facebook

“... mate, look; Facebook; straight sucks ...”

OK, let me start out by pointing out that this is probably going to be highly hypocritical as the majority of the traffic to this site comes via Facebook, but I've been dining out on the hand that feeds me for twenty-eight years so far, so fuck it.

So for as long as I can remember – and remember I can't remember much – I've had a lessening interest in good old Facebook. As an antisocial bastard, I've always been slightly uneasy with the idea of site, but obviously I opted in due to peer pressure because that never pointed me in the wrong direction before [Line added while proofreading with a beer and zoot]. Over the years it's been good to me, but just recently I've distanced myself from it.

But why Ben?

At first I thought it was due to my selfishness – an attribute I've always used as my major influence in decision making times – has grown, therefore leaving me to care slightly less about the people I went to school with and their troubles and woes. But no, that's always been in the case.

In fact that was part of the attraction of Facebook; to be ever-so-slightly stalking people from your past to see how miserable their lives had become, in turn boosting your own confidence due to your life being marginally better than theirs. We all do it. That's probably due to the no-holds-barred spree of accepting friend requests when joining. We all took the role of an unpopular kid throwing a party; letting anybody that wanted to enter; into your little online social circle, despite the fact you never cared for them and vice versa.

What was great is you could basically watch a relationship blossom and then crumble from the comfort of your PC chair;

• Stacy is in a new relationship with Bob.
• A few loving updates from both, ridiculously over-using emoticons.
• Then one day; Stacy posts “grrrrrrr men!”
• An hour later, Bob posts; “bitchez b trippin”
• The stage is now fully set to watch these two idiots argue it out on good old Facebook for all of us to bask in.

It was all the fun of Jeremy Kyle without the agony of Jeremy Kyle himself. But then something happen, I'm not sure what, maybe people wizened up to sharing every intimate detail of their lives or maybe I've been cut off from those Facebook Friends in a cull. Or maybe, just maybe, users took a shift from sharing their own personal lives to simply sharing other 'content'.

Now, when I go online to check to see if Stacy and Bob ever got back together, or whether or not Bob had finally started paying the child support, I can't find anything in my news feed besides reposts of LADBible, shitty Vines and links to dubious websites filled with random lists like; “Top 10 Child Actors that Turned to Drugs”. So I'm going to take it on myself to explain; nobody cares about this shit people! I already follow LADBible on Twitter, I don't need to some cunt on Facebook reposting every-fucking-thing they post, the only Vine I watch is my own sex-tape and I couldn't give a fuck about those websites that list things in top 10s but make you click to each next page for the continued countdown.

Facebook has gone from 'connecting with friends' to sharing bullshit that's posted elsewhere online. You see, this is where the hypocrisy begins, because the likeliness is you clicked a link on Facebook to get to here, almost making the irony of my argument to ridiculous to bare. But I'll defend myself; I'm sharing my content. Me; Ben Broughton, I [poorly] wrote these words, this isn't the latest online fad that will dwindle in a few months time [this is my eighth year, I'm starting to think it'll never catch on]. But this is an extension of myself I'm sharing with you [kinky] and I'm doing it via Facebook so my friends can connect with it, because they're unlikely to check my blog everyday for updates due to my sporadic updates, I don't even think David B******** has this as his homepage anymore.

You see, I do this because I enjoy it, I share it with others so they can hopefully enjoy it too. I don't beg people to repost or comment because I'd hate for my content to become that very content I despise. Yes, I could simply perform a cull and remove the dead weight from Facebook, but I've much better things to do with my time, like write, play with Fiona or watch paint dry [I'll share the video on Facebook later, if you want to check it out], but more importantly, if I did remove these people from Facebook they may not have stumbled across this blog, and maybe, just maybe, I'm talking some sense to them.

Or maybe I'm not. So in the mean time, if someone could keep tabs on Facebook and let me know when it changes I'd be very happy.

Thanks for your time.

And remember to REPOST, SHARE and COMMENT, you fucking sheep.

Dealing with Criticism Vol. 1

If you head over to my Why I Hate ... Drum & Bass post, you'll find a funny little rant, if you head to comments section you'll find some mu'fuckahs hating on my craft, but you'll also find me hating on some mu'fuckahs. 

If you're too lazy to click a link, just look below [their comments are in italics]; 
 What’s the fucking deal with Drum & Bass heads? Do you have to have your sense of humour surgically removed to like that genre of music?

OK, I don’t like Drum & Bass, but I don’t hate it you fucking idiots, it’s all been exaggerated for comical effect!

“Wow this type of childlike complaining is whats gonna get u no where in life” … is it? And how far in life is commenting on blogs that you don’t fully understand because your miniscule intelligence can’t properly gauge what the fuck it’s about, getting you? Your childlike spelling and use of grammar isn’t going to get you any further than me, dickface … or should I say; u no use words gud, dkhed! So go and put on some Drum & Bass and drop a pill, nah, fuck that double drop … oh wait, you’re no sissy, quadruple drop … fuck that, just keep shovelling pills down your throat and dust up your nose until your convulsing cadaver twitches in time to the beat, you cunt!

“U sad sad person. Go listen to ur.classical shit lol” … Firstly, structure a fucking sentence correctly! Or maybe you can’t because all those heavy bass beats have knocked out that primary school education you had out of your head! Clearly I’m missing the mark with you and this blog, because if you’re willing to “lol” at your own; “Go listen to your classical shit” my comical rants are too advanced for a mind like yours… because if “Go listen to your classical shit” actually made you laugh out loud, I can’t compete with such wisely crafted, humorous writing like that! I love what choice of music you do think I listen to too; classical. Do you even understand how fucking ridiculous you sound? You’re basically saying; “Go and listen to that genre of music that’s withstood the test of time so well and is so brilliant people are still listening to it this day, in fact it’s so important, it’s be given the title of; classical, because it’s classic!” You fucking moron. 

Fuck you both; by commenting on this blog you’ve done more damage to the genre you hold so dearly to your drug-abused-withered hearts by exposing the fact that D&B heads look like fucking imbeciles that can’t take a joke. Peace.

Why I Hate ... Jedward

Now I’m not one to jump on a bandwagon because I have free thought and bandwagons are filled with people, people carry diseases … I don’t like diseases. I guess you could say I’m on the ‘I hate people’ bandwagon, yet joining this bandwagon is an oxymoron and frustrating in so many ways. But to get back on track; fuck Jedward.

Well in fact, don’t fuck them that would be wrong – and not the kind of threesome anyone has ever imagined with two identical twins. I do hate Jedward, but that’s not their fault. I don’t blame them for that. I blame whoever is behind their ‘careers’. Whichever money-hungry cunt that is profiteering off two innocent and borderline retarded young boys. They’re the real people I hate, yet I’m aiming the barrel squarely at John and Edward.

When Jedward first came about they snuck under my radar as I don’t watch The X-Factor, as I hold the belief that your IQ plummets every second you view that done-to-death popularity contest where talent is OK, yet talent and sob story equals success. If I want to loss a colossal amount of brain cells I’ll do it the good old fashioned way with alcohol or fill a sock with marbles and repeatedly smash myself around the face until I collapse unconsciously into a puddle of my own blood and brain matter. The first time I was introduced to the identical twins was in the pages of The Sun. Thank the media God [Rupert Murdoch] for putting out a newspaper that really is the basis of all British moral guidelines. The previously mentioned newspaper was running a campaign, cleverly titled “Bin the Twins”. It was a rallying cry for its readers not to vote for Jedward. You have to respect The Sun, I mean when they aren’t condemning online bullying that leads to suicide they are launching a nationwide hate campaign against two young men for the simple reason that they don’t sing as good as a couple of other people. If at that point the twins had committed suicide I would have been happy – not because I would have never had to encounter them on my TV – but because the people that contribute to that tabloid would have had to have a long look in the mirror [not their rival newspaper, by the way, the actual reflective glass thing] and really decide what they were doing with their lives. Although as it was The Sun, the headline probably would have been; “THE SUN VICTORY: AFTER DEADWARD SUICIDE”.

“But Ben, who can you condemn The Sun, when you’re doing the exact same thing?”

Well, for the simple reason I’m not a national newspaper. I’m displaying my opinion. The people that read this are likely to be more intelligent then your average Sun reader and therefore able to realise that this is just a comical rant.

What set off my hate for Jedward was their appearance on 24 Hour Panel People*, they featured on the Celebrity Juice segment. I’d encountered them on Never Mind the Buzzcocks before and that was bad, but on Celebrity Juice it was horrific. It wasn’t even car crash TV, it was something worse. Watching news footage from the tsunami that’s devastated Japan is less harrowing than their appearance. I was desperate for a Comic Relief appeal featuring starving, TB ridden children to appear to lighten the mood. It really was that bad.

Now I don’t know how in the modern world we lived in two individuals could be so ridiculously idiotic. I will speculate though. Either; the Irish school system is in tatters and education is harder to get than potatoes were in 1846. Or Jedward were born as conjoined twins, sharing a brain and in the operation to separate them 90% of the brain was lost leaving them with 5% of a brain each. Maybe I’m wrong because Jedward are so unbelievably dense that their whole existence is simply a big act – like some sort of Punk’d episode being played on an international level and soon the veil will be lifted, perhaps at the Eurovision Song Contest, they’ll step out and instead of doing a song they’ll do a PowerPoint presentation explaining how they’ve cured cancer and AIDs.

That act [on 24 Hour Panel People] lit the fuse of hate. But when I develop … or I should say; but when I’m engulfed in hatred for someone or something I don’t simply stop at hating that one thing or those certain people. I go behind all that to what is really taking place. That’s when I realised that someone is behind Jedward; someone is purposely trotting them out to make them laughing stocks, for them to become figures of hate, for audiences to revel in their stupidity. And while Jedward take the brunt, it’s these people in the background pulling the strings that should be hated on. Face it, Jedward’s management are no better than a mother that pimps her five-year-old daughter with Down’s syndrome out to paedophiles for pennies. Jedward are a modern day freak show for us all to gawp, point and chuckle at and while we gawp, point and chuckle someone’s raking in the cash. Surely this constitutes as child abuse. Why aren’t the NSPPC doing anything? Did we learn nothing from Baby P?

*24 Hour Panel People was David Walliams doing panel show after panel show for twenty-four hours. It was broadcast live online – well with a ten minute delay to censor liable comments. It was for Comic Relief. It was unedited.

Why I Hate … Going to the Cinema

I absolutely love films. Watching films is one of my few hobbies that is not going to be detrimental to my health later in life. Although I'm not a fan of going to the cinema.

My beef doesn't stem from the extortionate prices you have to pay for snacks, even though it is financially crippling. Yes, I get irked at the amount of adverts and trailers that seem to draw out for an eternity before the feature film, yet not enough to actually hate the cinema for that reason. My problem lays with the audience. The fucking audience!

Recently I went to see Paranormal Activity 2, I liked the first film and found it thoroughly spooky and creepy so I was quite looking forward to seeing the sequel. Apparently I wasn't the only one as the cinema was heaving. Now, I'd deluded myself into thinking that as everyone had paid to see this film, that everyone would simply watch the film... what an idiot I am.

It seems as if people are unable to shut the fuck up for just over a hour. I expected some noise, it's a film that sets out to make the audience jump, after all, so a few gasps or utters of “that shit me up”, would have been fine. Yet, that's not all I got.

Paranormal Activity 2 is a film that slowly builds up to a scene that will make its audience jump throughout. It's not a surprise-fest, it slowly dupes you in with run-of-the-mill family activities [which form to give you the general storyline], then night comes and something freaky takes place. Simple, although not simple enough for some people. Every time the movie slowed its pace, the girl sat next to me would complain; “This is boring...” as her phone continued to get text messages [it was on vibrate – so still kind of distracting]. Yet it wasn't boring when she was absolutely shitting herself at the scary parts. I felt like turning to her and screaming in her face; “If you find it boring go sit outside and text your mates, otherwise just SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I suppose I could have just strangled her to death then claimed I was possessed by a demon, which would have been perfectly fitting for the situation we were in. I love irony.

The major problem with the cinema was the audience. It was filled with people barely over 15, out with their mates. So they had to put on an act, like they weren't scared as to not lose face. If I'm watching a film, I'm getting invested in it, that is the only way to watch a film in my mind. If I don't care for the characters or the story there's no point in watching. Doing this provokes emotion, whether it be fear, sorrow or joy. The problem with these runts that came to the same showing as me is that they fully understand that this film will scare them and to be scared of something will make them out to be a pussy. So they have to detach themselves from the film be making silly jokes or laughing, which in turn enrages me and most of the other sensible people.

And when exactly did it become socially acceptable to start blurting out what you think is going to happen next? “Oh, now I think she's going to go upstairs and ...” Shut the fuck up. I don't care what you think is going to happen. You're a fucking moron, there's a reason you're not making millions of dollars in Hollywood and that reason; YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON. We all have our own speculations about what is going to take place, we just keep them to ourselves, do you know why? Because people are watching a fucking film! I didn't realise Paranormal Activity 2 came with 'idiot commentary' – it's a like director's commentary, but has no fucking point or merit.

The film also uses text at the begin and end, a normal device used by many films to give the feeling that it's genuine. For example at the beginning it says [something to the effect of]; “Dedicated to the Police Officers that lost their lives.” and at the end it says “[so-and-so's] whereabouts are not known”. Which provoked a couple of people to say things along the lines of; “They're trying to make it out to be real!” or “They're acting as if it's a true story!” This text [at the start and end] have been used thousands of times in films. It's like watching Star Wars, and as the text scrolls at the beginning of the feature; “In a galaxy far, far away...” someone stands up and shouts; “They're trying to make this out to be real. There's no scientific proof that aliens exist … this is bullshit. It's not a true story!”

Whatever happen to Cinema Etiquette? [As regular readers know] I'm an avid fan of downloading and after my recent experience at the cinema, in the future I'll be more inclined to download a recent release than go to the cinema. I'll trade the big screen with it's brilliant surround sound for my small PC monitor and one working speaker, at least I can watch the film in peace … and smoke a spliff while doing it. If this type of behaviour at the cinema continues it will only get worse. Soon enough people will be holding important board meetings in the cinema as you attempt to watch Paranormal Activity 3, by Paranormal Activity 4 audience members will be spit-roasting a pig, by Paranormal Activity 5 there'll probably be a section of the cinema dedicated to a rave with a DJ blasting out shitty dub-step tunes as ravers pop ecstasy. To ease this, cinema's must start some kind of screening process for audience members. Maybe adding a couple of bouncers along the aisles that will quickly turf out any ne’er-do-wells that are chatting, playing with their phones or breathing too loudly.

Overall it seems a little unfair to blast the cinema going experience just because of the audience, but fuck it. These immature shit stains on society really pissed me off. I'm starting to see now why 'the youth' is hated so much. Clearly there needs to be a massive rise in teenagers getting stabbed and if they ever ruin another cinema going experience for me again, there fucking will be.

Why I Hate … LoveFilm.com

I'm full of hate that I can easily dispense on anyone or anything that has provoked me to distribute it out. I don't simply hate for no reason. So what is it that LoveFilm has done to deserve being added to my ever increasing shit list? Settle down and let me paint the picture.

The other day, I was walking through Westfield (the shopping centre/mall in Derby – which I coincidently hate too, but that's another story) when I was stopped by a gentleman working for LoveFilm. He approached me and my girlfriend with the question; “Do you two like films?” Which is such a retarded question, in the first place; what next; “Do you like music?”, “Do you breathe?”, “Was you born?” - who possibly says no to that question? Everyone likes films, everyone watches films – apart from maybe alzheimer's patients, but they have a valid reason, seeing as by the time the final scene rolls around they have no idea what the fuck is happening and how the protagonist ended up in that situation. They probably can't remember who the protagonist is. [I feel bad making fun of alzheimer's, it would be really ironic if I got it, but I assume I wouldn't get the irony having forgot making fun of it] So I choose to answer the question with; “Yea” - that was Mistake #1, I should have carried on walking and ignored the guy, just like I do with homeless people and old women that have slipped on ice.

The guy went on to explain that LoveFilm was offering a deal; “Pay for one month, get the next month free”. I thought seeing as he'd pulled us in, I'd at least let him talk for a bit to be polite. This was Mistake #2. I'm hardly ever polite, it takes too much energy and it seems whenever I am polite I end up getting fucked over! So he's going on and on … then he says “It's only £4.99.” This was my chance to get out and I went on to explain that I can't afford that as I only have 50 quid in my bank account which is reserved for an upcoming phone bill – not actually a lie, it was the truth. To which he responded by saying that no money would come out of my bank account until I ordered a film. Which was a relief as I thought I could just sign up for the shit and not use it so I didn't have to pay. I don't need to be signed up to LoveFilm anyway! The only use I can think for LoveFilm is for browsing it's catalogue, then when I see a film I want to watch, I would then 'copy' the title, nip over to a torrent site (such as isohunt.com), 'paste' in the film title, click 'search' and begin to download the film. No need to wait for the postman. No need to pay. Don't need a month free, because it's all fucking free!

The guy went on to explain that we would be able to watch TV shows online too. The one's he actually mentioned were; Desperate Housewives and The Inbetweeners. How does LoveFilm get these exclusives? That you can get nowhere else online? 4OD eat your heart out. [That was sarcasm, by the way, not always easy to pick up on when in written form]

The guy then went on to show us the website and how to use it. Bringing up a random film; Orphan and explaining that all you have to go is click 'rent' and it'll be posted to my door. Simple.

Eventually it all got wrapped up and before we left he gave my girlfriend a card with the promotion code on it so that she could have buy one month have one free [once mine had ran out], which seemed nice of him. But now looking back it wasn't. It's not as if he's doing us a favour, that's the exact same deal I got. She's entitled to that! Me and her are two separate people, it's not as if we're one entity! Is this yet another draw back of being in a couple? That offers only apply to you as a pair?

So as we were walking off, my girlfriend says; “You realise he's just ordered you that film?” to which I responded; “No, he hasn't.” She's usually mistaken and I'm always right, so I thought nothing of it. Then yesterday, I got an email from LoveFilm informing me that the DVD I'd ordered was on the way! A DVD I didn't want! Which in turn triggered off my account with LoveFilm (that I didn't want or need), which in turn took £4.99 out of my bank account, which in turn took me over my overdraft by £5.00, so now the bank has a reason to rape me. LoveFilm has lead to me getting raped by my bank! Now that's a valid reason for hating LoveFilm!

So I went online trying to find some contact information for LoveFilm so I can write them a rant filled email explaining how they've fucked me over. But surprisingly I wasn't able to come across an email address. I was able to find a telephone number. So I thought I could give them a call and really lay into them until I saw; “Calls cost £1.50 a minute”! So in order for me to complain about how they lead to me getting raped I'd have to get financially raped again! LoveFilm is all about raping people! True story!

I should really be hating the guy that fucking ordered a film that I didn't want without my permission. But I'm assuming he got the job because he's one of those cunts that suckers people in. I bet the Nazi's had people like him getting innocent Germans to sign up for the S.S. and Hitler Youth. He's much like those Army guys that try to get people to sign up for the Forces by selling all the good points; you'll make money, you'll get to see the world … yet glossing over the fact that people will be trying to shoot your fucking brains out at every opportunity.

I would like to wrap up by saying; Fuck LoveFilm and anyone that works for them, and anyone that's related to anyone that works for them and anyone that's friends with anyone that works for them and anyone that may know someone that's friends with someone else that works for them.

I'm off to stick my cock in the hole of the Orphan DVD that came through my door this morning, bye!

Good job I added 'DVD' to that last sentence.

Why I Hate ... Drum & Bass

OK, this has been a long time coming. The only reason that I’ve held back from writing this Blog is that my Blog is only read by my friends and the majority of my friends fucking love Drum & Bass, so it’s bound to do down like a shit sandwich, but sadly I couldn’t hold back anymore, because the fact of the matter is Drum & Bass is fucking shit! Yeah, I said it!

I know it’s easy to look at a different type of music from the outside and make harsh judgements on it, but I’m not on the outside looking in, Drum & Bass plagues my life every-fucking-day, and not just recently but this has been the case for quite a few years now. The last time I lived with someone who wasn’t constantly obsessed with Drum & Bass was when I lived at home, four years ago. So before anyone starts pointing a fucking finger in my direction and claiming; “You can’t hate something you know nothing about”, I’d like to make it clear that I know about Drum & Bass, so I’m fucking more than welcome to talk shit about it, so fuck you!

Firstly Drum & Bass is not music.

Music conveys emotion. Every song in any other genre of music conveys emotion, from pop to death metal. But Drum & Bass doesn’t. The only time it does is when the listener is high on pills. But face it, on pills an empty can of Coca-Cola falling down a flight of stairs, clinking on every-step sounds as if it’s music conveying emotion. It’s a sad state of affairs when a whole genre of ‘music’ can be only appreciated (I use this term loosely) when the listener is out of their normal state of mind.

I know people say this about many forms of ‘music’, but in this case it’s completely true; all Drum & Bass songs sound the same. They really do. Every time I hear a Drum & Bass track, no matter which talentless artist has made it, I get a case of déjà vu! It’s freaky!

And when it comes to Drum & Bass emcees, oh my days....! I thought the majority of Grime artists were terrible. The best Drum & Bass emcee makes the worst Grime emcee look like a musical mastermind. It’s just that Drum & Bass lyrics lack a fundamental essential; LYRICS. It’s just fucking muffled gibberish. I feel like I’m listening to someone taking my order at a McDonalds Drive-Thru. They could be speaking Korean for all I know. I do prefer Drum & Bass without vocals to be honest, because then at least you only have to deal with the appalling beat instead of having my ears tortured by an appalling beat and an incomprehendable drivel being spat out by some obnoxious cunt.

It may be harsh to label all Drum & Bass emcees “obnoxious cunts”, so I’d like to say that I’m sure they’re not all obnoxious cunts. I’m sure the Drum & Bass emcee scene is made up of obnoxious twats, obnoxious bastards, obnoxious fucks and obnoxious [add own expletive word here] too.

As I have previously mentioned plenty of my friends listen to Drum & Bass and while I have no medical credentials or no scientific proof to back up the following point, I do believe (from my own experiences) that it is still true; Drum and Bass makes people stupid. When most of my friends started listening to it I saw a rapid decline in their intelligence. They began finding it hard to concentrate on the simplest tasks, this went on to the point were some of them could no longer tie their shoes or even spell their own names.

Another aspect of Drum & Bass is that it seems as if almost everyone that listens to it is a Drum & Bass DJ. I know five people that are Drum & Bass DJ’s! Five! I’d take a wild stab in the dark and estimate that a good 95% of people that listen to Drum & Bass are in fact DJs. The pendulum* has swung in favour of them, now there are more people playing Drum & Bass records than listening to them! The major increase of Drum & Bass DJs makes the global expansion of companies like McDonalds and Starbucks look pathetic. Official figures state that there are approximately 3,000 new Drum & Bass DJs everyday. If this continues it is likely that people such as myself and others that don’t like Drum & Bass will be rounded up and put into camps. Seeing as we will be the minority, we will then be allocated to a Drum & Bass DJ, chained to his (or her) decks and forced to listen to their 24 hour set, just so every Drum & Bass DJ has an audience. When that day comes I advice all those like me to chew at your own wrists until you’ve done so much damage that you eventually bleed to death.

One of my biggest gripes with Drum & Bass is that people actually think I listen to it or like it. Of course it seems silly to hate something because people think you like it, shouldn’t my gripe be with this idiotic morons that believe I would like such shit? No, my gripe should be with Drum & Bass, because if it didn’t exist I wouldn’t have this problem. I’m constantly being asked if I’ve heard the new track by some D&B fuckwit! Or I’m being asked if I’m going to the next Drum & Bass night. Asking me if I like Drum & Bass is akin to asking me if I like jamming a Phillips-head screwdriver down my urethra. So, no I don’t like Drum & Bass, in fact if you’re yet to work it out from the title or from the rant above, I’ll just clarify one more time; I fucking hate Drum & Bass.

Thanks for your time.

*Get it? I used ‘pendulum’ in a Blog about Drum & Bass! I’m so clever.

Why I Hate ... Health

Has this big issue with living a healthier life gone too far? I’m serious. I fully understand that eating, exercise and all that good shit is important but do I need it shoving into every orifice of mine like I’m some molested child.

Everywhere I turn it’s “lower salt content”, “now with less sugar” or “the healthier option”. I’m fucking tired of it. Pretty much every major food brand is jumping on the bandwagon, in fear of being left behind or possible judged! Soon enough I really believe that salt shakers will feature a logo scrawled across them that reads; “Now with 50% less Salt”, it’ll come in the same size tub, it’ll be the same price, but when you get it home and open it, it’ll only be half full! And there won’t be anything you can do about it because you’re fucking stupid enough to buy it in the first place! You twat!

This whole “5 a Day” bullshit never really took of with me. Five fruit or veg a day! I barely manage five different fruit or vegetables a week, never mind in a 24 hour period! And I’m quite sure I also came across some information that said when should be having 3 different wheat-based foods everyday too. What a crock of shit. Can’t people just eat what they want? Yes people are getting fatter, so what? Does it matter? We’re over-populated anyway; if everyone eats healthy there’ll be less heart disease, less strokes and more people. And not just normal people, but more healthy people. I fucking despise healthy people. With their nice bodies, excellent diets, cancer free lungs and livers that work properly, fuck you and fuck you’re fully functioning livers you fuckers!

But it’s just not food that been contaminated into this healthy culture, it has spread into all aspects of life. For example, dog food now comes with little vegetables in it. But why? Surely there’s no reasonable explanation for this other than idiotic middle-class health nuts will start buying it thinking that it will keep their dogs healthy. For as long as I can remember dog food has been made up of meat, because that’s what dogs eat. Look at a close wild relation to dog, let’s say the fox (I know wolves would have been a better choice but we don’t have wolves in the country). How many times have you heard a farmer say; “Damn fox got into the carrot field last night, bloody thing made off with six carrots” ... I understand that you may not chat with many farmers which leaves it ever more unlikely, but the point is foxes eat chickens not carrots. Someone pointed out to me that they knew of a dog that ate vegetables, by that he meant scraps. I had a dog that ate his own shit. Dogs eat everything and anything. A dog would probably eat a used tampon if you waved it in its face, doesn’t mean it should eat tampons, used or otherwise.

But the worst thing I have seen relating to health is TSB’s Financial Health Specialists! Financial HEALTH? Not financial HELP, but financial HEALTH!!! Since when did health have anything to do with finances? My money’s not feeling under the weather, it doesn’t have swine flu, it doesn’t exercise, it doesn’t eat ... so it needs no new diet plan. What the flying fuck has health got to do with my fucking finances TSB? Answer me that, please? Is there an answer? Or are you just trying to leech off people’s insecurities that are being created left, right and centre? Are you simply using a word that triggers off a chain reaction in people’s minds; “I eat my 5 a day, I exercise, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I even buy my dog the food with vegetables in; I’m healthy. My dog’s healthy. But what about my finances, they’re not healthy, I better get down to TSB straight away!” What the fuck does a Financial Health Specialist do? Apart from laugh at the fucking idiots that come to then once they’ve left? Fuck Financial Health Specialists! Fuck TSB! And fuck this healthy culture, I’m fucking sick of it, fuck it in the face, with no protection, ‘cos that’s how I roll ... un-motherfucking-healthy!

Why I Hate ... Sutton-in-Ashfield

When you hate something for so long and you live with the hate on a day to day basis you begin to forget why you began hating that very thing in the first place. If you remove the thing that causes you hate the hatred slowly dwindles too, until you once again come in contact with it, are you following?

Well basically, growing up as an insignificant child in an insignificant town makes you quite ... insignificant and also makes you hate the very place you are from. When I was young I had many reasons to hate Sutton-in-Ashfield, but as time passed I forgot these reasons, seeing as I lived in Derby and I began to hate Derby instead. On a recent trip back to Sutton, my hate was reborn for the shitty little town.

It’s easy to hate a place in which BNP meetings take place and there’s so much panic that all the takeaways have to close fearing they will be attacked because their skin isn’t the same colour as milk. It is also easy to hate a place where the McDonalds is so infested with idiots that some days there’s actually security on the doors and riot vans in the car park, this doesn’t even happen at most pubs in Sutton. It’s a shameful disgrace when it seems that people are close to getting beaten half to death or stabbed over their happy meals. Where sentences like; “You spilt my milkshake, I’m gunna fuck you up!” or “Oi, you eyeing up my burger, cunt?” are commonplace.

And no matter how much the council pathetically attempt to make the place look any better, it always fails. The first example is the sundial. For those that don’t know (and presumably don’t care) Sutton has the largest sundial in Europe in the town centre. Which sounds dull, and it is. The point of a sundial in a town that sees no sun is lost on me. I don’t know if this was meant to attract people to the town, there’s not much excitement in seeing Europe’s largest sundial. It’s just that overtime this sundial became a place for flocks of Chavs to hang out and it remains that way to this day.

The latest attempt at making Sutton better is be revamping the bus station. To a massive cost of £850,000! As the rest of the country complains about the credit crunch and plummets into a recession, it seems that the news is yet to reach Ashfield councillors. As Co Coun Stella Smedley said; "We are committed to improving Sutton's bus station and encouraging more people to make the most of public transport, which is cheaper and kinder to the environment than driving a car."[i] Although I believe the closest Stella Smedley has ever come to a bus is looking like the back of one! The fact is one of the only joys of Sutton is leaving and if you make that more attractive (by building a new bus station) to the population they will eventually abandon the place that has held them back.

That’s the real reason I hate Sutton, it held me back.

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[i] http://www.chad.co.uk/ashfieldnews/Sutton-bus-station-closed-for.4842042.jp

Why I Hate ... Primark

By now you may have figured that I’m not the most cheerful of people, and I have plenty of hate in my heart for many things; emos and Starbucks being the first that come to mind, but I’m constantly finding more and more things (and people) that irk me. Today I’m letting my issues with Primark be shared on an unsuspecting audience.

Now I don’t deem myself to be fashion conscientious at all, but I don’t shop at Primark for a number of reasons. Firstly, I don’t like my (new bought) clothes still stinking of the sweat of a blind Indian orphan forced to stitch them. Secondly, I like my clothes to last at least a week before they start falling apart. Lastly, I don’t want to go out and bump into at least five guys wearing the exact same outfit. It’s embarrassing for all involved.

The thing is, people believe that Primark is cheap, which it is to a certain degree. But I’m able to find (better quality and better looking) clothes at almost the same price (as Primark) in other stores. But still the public flock to Primark like mindless drones or the zombies in Dawn of the Dead that flock to the Mall, because even in their vegetated state they are used to being materialistic. It’s come to the point that everyone seems to be dressing the same. Primark is like a mother that dresses all her children in the same setup because she thinks they look cute, but it’s not cute it’s disturbing and wrong.

Another point is it always seems to be busy. Do people that shop at Primark actually have jobs? I understand that me saying this includes me in with the people I’m about to slate, but I’m a student, I get a free pass to venture into the city centre whenever I deem fit. Back to the point; it’s always busy. Don’t people have better things to do? Just because something is cheap, you don’t have to buy it. “Wow these shoes are £2! They don’t fit me or match anything I already own, but they’re £2!! I must buy them before someone else does! Even though they’re accompanied by 300 pairs of the exact same shoes on the exact same shelf!”

But if you like Primark, don’t listen to me. It’s clear that a lack of; price, ethical trading laws and originality are what’s important to you.