Why I Hate ... Primark

By now you may have figured that I’m not the most cheerful of people, and I have plenty of hate in my heart for many things; emos and Starbucks being the first that come to mind, but I’m constantly finding more and more things (and people) that irk me. Today I’m letting my issues with Primark be shared on an unsuspecting audience.

Now I don’t deem myself to be fashion conscientious at all, but I don’t shop at Primark for a number of reasons. Firstly, I don’t like my (new bought) clothes still stinking of the sweat of a blind Indian orphan forced to stitch them. Secondly, I like my clothes to last at least a week before they start falling apart. Lastly, I don’t want to go out and bump into at least five guys wearing the exact same outfit. It’s embarrassing for all involved.

The thing is, people believe that Primark is cheap, which it is to a certain degree. But I’m able to find (better quality and better looking) clothes at almost the same price (as Primark) in other stores. But still the public flock to Primark like mindless drones or the zombies in Dawn of the Dead that flock to the Mall, because even in their vegetated state they are used to being materialistic. It’s come to the point that everyone seems to be dressing the same. Primark is like a mother that dresses all her children in the same setup because she thinks they look cute, but it’s not cute it’s disturbing and wrong.

Another point is it always seems to be busy. Do people that shop at Primark actually have jobs? I understand that me saying this includes me in with the people I’m about to slate, but I’m a student, I get a free pass to venture into the city centre whenever I deem fit. Back to the point; it’s always busy. Don’t people have better things to do? Just because something is cheap, you don’t have to buy it. “Wow these shoes are £2! They don’t fit me or match anything I already own, but they’re £2!! I must buy them before someone else does! Even though they’re accompanied by 300 pairs of the exact same shoes on the exact same shelf!”

But if you like Primark, don’t listen to me. It’s clear that a lack of; price, ethical trading laws and originality are what’s important to you.

Quick Disclaimer

The Blog is not becoming extinct, it was an April Fools Day joke. Thanks for falling for it Leon, well done on not falling for it Frenchie. I’ll still be here churning out hatred and all that good shit for a long time to come!

*Although, I must apologise for the text at the minute, it never seems to set at the correct font/size that I want it to. I can either; get the size right & the font wrong or get the font right and the size wrong! I assure you this is the evil doings of Blogger, not me. Peace!

R.I.P. Blog

Loyal followers, I regret to inform you that I have to close down my Blog! It has come to my attention (via an email from Blogger) that my Blog is “filled with inappropriate material” and they have “received many complaints relating to the matter”. I have been left with an ultimatum; clean up all my previous posts or just delete my blog and start again from the beginning. It is going to take me way too long to clean up everything, so I’m scrapping the whole thing. It’s for the better anyway, seeing as this Blog is easy to come across and future employers could find it and not employee me!

Blogger has informed me that I have until the end of April to sort it all out, but it’s staying how it is until April 28^th, which will be my Blog’s 1^st (and now; last) Birthday. After that it is goodbye from The Misadventures of Ben Broughton as we know it.

So I would like to thank everyone for reading, following, commenting and spreading the word about it, it means a lot to me. All of you have a special place in my heart, right next to weed and Southern Comfort (yes, I really love you all that much).

I know for most of you this will mean that the internet will never be the same again, and it’s true. I fully understand that this was the place to come in between cumming over online porn, and I am flattered to think that you were reading something I wrote as you waited for the next porno to load or buff, while you had your cock in your hand.

An Attempt at Being Topical #1

I was just reading the newspaper and I discovered an article about the home secretary Jacqui Smith detailing how 60,000 civilian force will combat terrorism in the UK. Who are these 60,000 people? Security guards at shopping centres and hotel staff! What a fucking relief!

Now I’m not one to bash a failing government, but this idea is shit! Anti-Terrorism training for those people that walk around shopping centres, when did chavs start suicide bombing? When did Nike Air Max trainers come equipped with C4 in the souls? And what’s to say terrorists will attack shopping centres? Airports, the Underground, World Trade Towers … Yes! Shopping Centres … No!

What pleasure would terrorists getting from blowing up a bunch of empty Woolworths and Zavvis? None. There’s no point in attempting to blow up the shops anymore, give them a few more weeks and half of the stores will be closed due to the credit crunch.

I’m interested to know what the ‘Anti-Terrorism training’ consists of, because it’s my guess if the major part of your job is turfing chavs out a mall or placing chocolates on pillows you’re not the brightest wick on a C4 waistcoat three seconds before it explodes. You’ve had some major educational problems at some point in your life. My opinion is the training consists of this sentence; “Watch out for brown people with beards!”

And in the unlikely situation that a crazy terrorist does decide to blow up a shopping centre or hotel how on Earth are these people going to stop them? Will security and hotel staff start packing heat? That didn’t help the London police when they shot the wrong guy in the face! Although I love the thought of a bunch of hotel staff kicking down a hotel door, running into the room (where terrorists are plotting an evil plan), drawing their guns and yelling: “Room service, motherfuckers!!”

Common Misconceptions Women have about Men

OK, ladies this one’s for you. I’m not professional when it comes to the opposite sex, but my years on this Earth have taught me a few things and I’m going to share them with you now. This maybe the most heartfelt thing I’ve ever written, so bare with me.

Being bi-sexual is cool
This is one the drives me crazy, when females claim to be bi-sexual when they’re not and even if you are, please don’t tell your boyfriend. Yes, a select few males may think this could possibly lead to a threesome somewhere down the line, but this is not the case with most men. It makes them quite paranoid, in a relationship it’s not good on a man’s ego if there’s a possibility that his girlfriend can eat out girls better than he can. There’s the added paranoia that if you are a bi-sexual girl, you may leave your boyfriend for a woman, which will lead to humiliation and never ending torment for you boyfriend. Seriously, claiming to be bi-sexual puts so much pressure on a relationship; it’s just not worth mentioning (if it’s true).

You have to be thin
This is not the case. Girls that are too skinny are fucking vile (sorry girls). No man wants to feel like he’s fucking a xylophone. A little puppy fat is more than fine ladies. Plus if you’re always on a diet, how can your man take you out for a nice meal? While he’s chomping down on a steak, you’re sat adjacent nibbling on crackers or bread; that’s just not right. Plus if you spend all your time in the gym ... with the beautiful people, he may get jealous plus if you’re at the gym who’s going to do the washing, the cleaning and the cooking?

The balls need attention
OK, this is probably the greatest tip for in the bedroom; leave the balls alone, please. Sex is not a tennis match; you don’t even have to pay attention to the balls. There’s a perfectly good dick right next to them, concentrate on that. Just let the balls do what they do best. Don’t play with them! Don’t tickle them! Don’t suck them! LEAVE THE BALLS ALONE!

You need our input on what you wear
This is a fucking set-up and I’m on to you ladies, so fuck off with this shit. There’s two ways this shit can work out:
1) Girl: “What shall I wear?”
Boy: “Whatever you want, my darling.”
Girl: “You never give a fuck about what I wear, you fucking cunt!”

2) Girl: “What shall I wear?”
Boy picks out any dress, Boy: “What about this?”
Girl: “No! You fucking know that’s not my colour! Do you want me to look stupid? You twat!”

It’s a lose/lose situation. Wear what YOU want. Remember Women’s Rights? You’ve got the right to wear whatever you want.

You need our input on your hair
Much like the last one. Another lose/lose situation. Up? Down? What-fucking-ever! You could shave it all off for all I care.